Runaway Train
by stokette
Summary: Rachel is tired of the life she feels she is condemned to live and decides it's high time she changed it. Set just after Sectionals in Season One. AU
1. Prologue

A/N: This story was heavily inspired by the song 'Runaway Train' by Soul Asylum. If you haven't heard it before I implore you to do so. I think you will find it will give this story so much more meaning. Hope you all enjoy it and let me know what you think!

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**PROLOGUE**

_"It Seems No One Can Help Me Now"_

"Out of the way, Man Hands!" _Push._ She hits the brick wall with force, but presses on.

"You should be sterilized." _Trip. _She balances herself well from what could have been an embarrassing face plant, thankful for her years of dance training.

"Hey Troll! You dropped something!" _Fall. _Her books and papers scatter across the hall after being wrenched from her hands. She scrambles to gather up her belongings.

The bell rings as she is finally able to stand. "You're looking a little blue, Tranny." _Ice_. The frigid substances hit her like a ton of bricks. They burn her eyes and stain her body, covering every inch_. _She'll be late to class now, but she can't very well go like this.

She rushes to her locker to retrieve her E.S.K. She used to keep only one on hand. Then it was two. Now she keeps a total of five Emergency Slushy Kits in her locker.

She looks up at the Sharpie depiction currently graffitied across the beige metal compartment. She feels the bile rise up in her throat at the pornographic display in front of her_._ She shakes it from her head. It won't be there tomorrow unless there is a repeat performance. The school will have the janitor remove the vulgar images and think nothing of it.

She turns the combination lock opening up her sanctioned storage bin. It's empty. She panics. She knows what's coming next. "No, no, no." She begs, pleads the assailants. "I'll go to class with slushy all over me, please, just please don't do this!" They aren't use to hearing her appeals for mercy and for a moment they seem to contemplate their actions. A ray of hope shines in her heart that maybe things aren't that bad. Her aspirations are dashed as soon as she's met with a careless shrug and emotionless eyes.

"Tough luck, Midget." She struggles, perhaps, more so than she's ever done. "Stop fighting us or we'll start making house calls." She falls limp. It's the last thing she wants.

Her fathers don't even know. Why would she tell them? They finally believe they've found a place where they can display their perfect little family with out repercussions. They had moved four times in the past to escape the homophobic masses that had chosen to terrorize them. She had hoped they would have picked a more metropolis area for what had proven would be their final move close to two years ago. She was wrong. Her fathers loved the small town life she had come to know all too well; while she longed to escape it… fully intact… fully alive.

Her attackers practically throw her towards the large alloyed canister. It was always the most physical abuse she ever received; the pushing, shoving, throwing and dropping. It was still too much. She didn't need to be beaten to a pulp for her to know that full well. She stood there, head down, willing herself some sort of strength.

Her mistake earlier weighed heavily on her mind. She should have never said anything to them. She is never EVER supposed to let them see her break. She steels her jaw and looks up at the band of tormentors in defiance.

"Do you know why you're here, Hobbit?" It's spat into her ear with a slight snarl that breaks through near the end. She doesn't turn. She doesn't dare look the beast in the eye. She instead looks straight ahead and grits out,

"Because I am better than you." It's the first time she has ever voiced her opinion as to exactly why they hated her. She's spent the last two years trying to figure it out and this was the only conclusion she could come up with. Laughter rings out all around her.

"You, you think you are better than us?" She falters for just a moment. She doesn't think she is better than them. She just knows it's what they believe. She gives her final nod as she accepts what might as well be her death sentence. "You. Are. Nothing." She shivers at the words directed towards her with such disdain. She knows they are only meant to hurt her, but they affect her still. "You know what to do guys."

The eggs are a new addition. Normally she's just hit with more slushies. She wills herself not to think of the baby chicks that were being massacred into her body as the yellow yokes slide down her face, torso, arms and legs.

She feels more than hears her peers as they rush to where she stands and she has to fight the urge to recoil. The loud sound of rusted hinges fills her mind as she is hoisted and dropped in with the piles of filth at the bottom of the bin. At least most of it is layered in black plastic. It doesn't stop the stench from filling her nostrils and making her ill to her stomach. Despite that, getting sick would only make the smell worse so she fights the desire. The books that she was carrying are unceremoniously dropped on her before she hears those dreaded corroded pivots starting to squeak again and finally the slam of the covering.

She doesn't scream and yell for help as she used to in the beginning. She no more has delusions in thinking that someone will come rescue her from the now locked bin before lunch. She knows it's because no one really cares.

She gathers her books and papers the best she can by the little bit of light that shines through the small holes in the lid of the receptacle. She finds her backpack off to the side, opening it up she finds her E.S.K.s are now missing. So much for wiping off the slushy and eggs. She inserts her things and then zips it shut.

She could open one of bags below her and forage around for some napkins, but the thought of the germs swarming around her stops those thoughts quickly. It's at times like these that she can fully understand Miss Pillsbury's compulsions.

She thinks back to the previous week. She had thought maybe, just maybe, things would change. They had won Sectionals just last Wednesday! Surely that should have stood for something? Her rendition of 'Don't Rain on My Parade' was flawless and if it hadn't been for her quick thinking the group would have been sunk. She, however, was not played as the hero. No, that role had been given to one Finn Hudson.

She smiled before using her sweater to wipe the remaining residues from her face. Was it sad that she was fine with him taking all the credit? She knew she shouldn't have pursued her crush on the boy this year. She knew it would only make it worse for herself. She did it regardless and now here she was, thrown away with the garbage.

Why couldn't Finn be her champion too? She knew that answer as well. He was too popular to take the chance. Of course he spent time with her for glee and then there was the whispered conversations in the shadows, but he never once stopped a slushy. He never once asked them to speak more kindly to her. He never once came and got her out of the trash. She sighed, Finn Hudson would not be her knight in shining armor.

She curled up into a ball as tightly as she could and it was in that moment that she began to cry. It was the only time she allowed herself to do so. Her red eyes and skin could later be mistaken as being irritated from prolonged exposure to high fructose corn syrup; her tired body for spending hours alone smushed up against mounds of debris.

She thought of the ache she felt in her chest and the emptiness that took over day by day. Two years of this and it was only getting worse. Two years of name calling. Two years of being man handled. Two years of sugary substances. Two years of dumpsters. Two years of degrading MySpace comments that she had to delete every day. Two years of bullying and no one gave pause. Not her peers. Not the faculty. Not the community. Not even her fathers.

She knew the last part wasn't fair. Her father's did nothing because her father's knew nothing. She often wondered if should she really have to tell them. Couldn't they see the miserableness hiding inside her retinas?

On the outside she was sunshine, optimism and gold stars. On the the inside she was full of fear and anguish. She just needed to get out of this town. She just wanted to be free from the persecution. She wondered fondly if she had a mother would things be different?

She loved her fathers. She knew they loved her, but they were happy with this life. Although her one father was an accountant who could work virtually anywhere, her other father was an executive trying to work his way up the ladder in a new company. She couldn't take that away from them. Small town suburbia was their fantasy. Broadway was hers.

She clung to the dream as if it were her lifeline. It's why she pressed on. It gave her her comfort. She knew that this life she had now wouldn't be for forever. So she sang and she danced. She worked herself until she bled. Competition after competition. Recital after recital. She would fight her way to the top. Being good wasn't enough. She had to be the best. All this and then some because she was meant for more. She was meant for 'The Big Time, The Limelight.' She would have it. She would have more, but she would have to wait. "How long?" She would ask herself. "How much more?" Every day she grew more weary. Nevertheless, the light inside of her refused to die completely and she was eternally grateful to be blessed with such luminescence.

She heard the lock click and the screeching sound of the cover being lifted as the warm rays of the outside sun rushed into her darkness. Was it after lunch already? An elderly hand offered her assistance as she gathered her effects and leapt to her freedom. The janitor's eyes widened as he took in her appearance. "You should report it this time." He said softly.

"Do you really think Principal Figgins will do anything about it?" She asked not needing his answer. Nothing would be done.

"What about the police? Surely the law enforcement will be of some service in the matter?" The old man prodded. She knew he meant well, but not well enough.

"And will you bear witness?" She questioned curiously. Asking was just wishful thinking.

"I-I need this job, kid. Me and Roscoe, we'd be homeless with out it. I'm sorry, Miss, I'm so sorry." He hung his head low. His pity wasn't needed. Of course she knew it was too much to ask of a man who's only love in this world was a one-eyed dog. He had only even come out to the dumpster because he had been cleaning the lunchroom.

"It's okay, Jim. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself just fine." He laughed humorlessly at the paradox within her statement.

She opened up her backpack, found the hidden Zip-Lock bag just under a rip in the lining, and pulled out a twenty. "Take it." She said thrusting it towards the man. "Go buy Roscoe some of that premium can food he loves so much."

The older gentleman shook his head adamantly. He already couldn't help the girl; this was too much. "I can't do that, Miss."

"Yes you can and you will. Lunch has passed anyways." She said gently placing the bill in his palm and closing his wrinkled fingers into a fist to secure the money. Tears welled in his eyes as she patted his hand and went on her way, not willing to look at the man any longer. She had thought it before and she would think it again, his pity wasn't needed.

The walk home was long, but it was one she would have to take. She chose backyards and alleys rather than the sidewalk so that she could avoid the stares and snickers of the daily joggers, mothers pushing strollers, and elderly couples taking their early afternoon walks. Not one of them would offer her aid anyhow. Not one of them would show concern. Each and all too preoccupied with their status in their small minded mid-western town.

She looked at the clock on the wall after she entered the two story dwelling she called home. Too much time had already gone by to sanction returning to school once clean. She would just have to miss glee today. Not that they would miss her. She smiled in the small victory that they would, however, notice she wasn't there. She was too loud and obnoxious for them not to notice her. No, they may never miss her, but they will also never forget her. One day, when she becomes that big Broadway star she said she would become, they will gape and stutter because they once knew Rachel Barbra Berry. It consoled her more than it should, but she honestly didn't care. Not anymore.

Today, December 14, 2009, was different than any other Monday. She could feel it in her bones. Today was the day she would formulate a plan to rid herself of her trepidation. Today was the day she would cut loose the strings of her burdens. Today was the day where enough was enough was enough. No more slushies. No more name calling. No more dumpster diving. No more. No more. NO MORE! If Rachel Berry couldn't have a savior, then Rachel Berry would be her own. She would no longer stand by and allow the teenage monstrosities to mock her incessantly. Today, Rachel Berry would finally take her destiny into her own hands! The relief that she felt as the warm flow of the shower cascaded over her was nothing compared to the weight that had just been lifted from her soul.


	2. Chapter One

A/N: Thanks to all who read, reviewed, followed, or favorited! It means so much! I should be updating this every Thursday from now on. Hope you enjoy Chapter 1 :)

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**CHAPTER ONE**

_"Bought A Ticket For A Runaway Train"_

Rachel had a plan. It was both simple and yet thoroughly, quite immaculately, detailed. She would runaway. A plan that should have taken months to develop revealed itself in a matter of hours and Rachel would capitalize on the moment. This week her fathers were locked away on their monthly Caribbean cruise. She had to act now. If she was going to succeed, then, there could be no delay. _Carpe Diem_.

Rachel had exactly one week to pull this off, one week to make it work and that is precisely what she planned to do. She looked over her notes once more before nodding to herself and going over to her computer to draft up the letter that would resign her from William McKinley High School.

The lie was easy to formulate. It was a simple transfer notice to Carmel High School in Akron, the first school she had thought to use. They were convenient seeing as they were also a rival school. She really knew nothing of the school itself and figured it shouldn't concern her. All she was partied to was to make sure that this letter was worded correctly.

After the third draft, she was satisfied. She forged her father's signatures on the document that stated Rachel would not be present the rest of the week and requested her transcripts be sent on Friday before the district closed for Christmas Break. She faxed it to the school's office knowing that no one would receive it until morning. Rachel felt giddy at the fact that come tomorrow morning she wouldn't be scuffling throughout the halls of McKinley trying her best to avoid what daily had proven to be the inevitable.

Still, this only left her with a week to virtually disappear. She nodded to herself yet again bringing back her focus to the task on hand. Running up to her room she grabbed one of the smaller rolling suitcases from her luggage. She stared into the empty valise for an instant. She couldn't afford to take anything larger, but how was she supposed to fit her entire life into such a compact vessel?

Rachel sighed as she came to the conclusion to only pack a week's worth of clothes, she could buy more later. She began to rummage through her things; she knew she would have to leave most of them behind. The last to be added into the mix was her laptop, iPod Classic and a small picture album she usually kept on her nightstand.

As she laid in bed that night, Rachel wept. She would miss her fathers. After all, they had done nothing wrong. She contemplated wether she was making the right decision. Did they deserve her abandonment? No, but they did deserve happiness. It was something she felt she couldn't give them.

Tuesday morning came far too soon for Rachel. She had to work quickly for the odd probability that Figgins might decide to fax over her transcript immediately. The likelihood was slight, but she would not gamble the point.

One quick breakfast later and Rachel grabbed the keys to her father's Bentley. She wasn't supposed to drive it without a licensed adult, but then she wasn't supposed to run away either. She jumped into the vehicle and headed for her first stop of the day, the bank.

Rachel knew that this part of the plan could make or break her. Of course, she had full access to her account, her fathers trusted her with it immensely, but a teenager walking into a bank and withdrawing her entire balance? Well, it kind of tends to set off the red flags, especially when said balance came to just over twenty-thousand dollars, but Rachel was an actress. She could do this. She waltzed in expecting a long wait and became nervous when she realized there was actually no one in line.

Steeling herself she approached the young teller. "How may I help you today?" The woman, who couldn't be more than thirty, asked.

"I would like to withdraw my entire account, please." Rachel said taking her member card from her messenger bag. She then slid the plastic card across the barrier.

"Yes, Miss," the teller paused to look at the card, "Miss Berry, I can do that for you today. It'll be just a moment." Rachel smiled at the woman and received one back. So far so good. This was going more easily than she had originally thought.

The teller cleared her throat as her eyes widened comically. "Miss Berry, this is quite a large sum you wish to withdraw today." Of course it was a large sum! It was her college/emergency funds account, her father's had been adding money into the account for almost her entire life. Alas, It came as no surprise to Rachel that her actions would be questioned.

"Yes Miss, I am fully aware of the amount, but my daddy says that I can get my first car today. It's for my birthday and we get a discount if we pay in cash." Rachel says politely.

The teller nods not fully buying Rachel's story, the girl didn't look old enough for a car. "I'll need to see some I.D." Rachel had assumed as much. She slides her beginners permit across the table. The woman looks at it and scowls for the slightest of seconds. Rachel figures it's most likely because she's only fourteen and the woman believes she is about to get a car. "And your Father, he is here with you?" The woman adds and Rachel nods.

"He's out in the car. Do I need to fetch him for you?" She had amped up her smile to sickly sweet and innocent, hoping she wasn't over doing it.

The young woman looked once again at her computer. Rachel was the main proprietor of the account. Her father wasn't actually needed for the account to be closed or withdrawn. Against her better judgement the teller shook her head. "No, that won't be necessary. If you'll wait just a moment longer; I will have your funds for you." Rachel nodded her acceptance and the teller walked off.

Minutes passed and Rachel began to worry. Was the teller perhaps locating a bank executive? Was she calling her fathers? The police? What was taking so long? She smiled politely at an elderly woman who was manning another station two spots down. Rachel had the undesirable urge to run, but she knew she couldn't. She needed this money in order for her plan to work. It would get her out of this god forsaken town and at least take care of her until she could get on her feet.

The teller returned with a large security bag. She deposited the stacks of bills on the table and proceeded to count the crisply wrapped lots in front of Rachel. She placed them back into the security bag, locked it, and then handed over both the key and bag.

"Thank you." Rachel voiced with a relieved smile. She took the bag and placed it into her messenger.

"You're welcome. Just sign here and you'll be free to go." The woman had no idea, Rachel thought to herself as she signed the papers. "And enjoy that new car!" The teller continued with fake enthusiasm.

"Oh, I will!" Rachel smiled again, this time more excitedly. The most pivotal part of her plan had been completed.

Once in her father's car again she opened up the bag of bills and squealed. She then heaved out a reassured sigh, took out one of the smaller stacks, and broke the wrapped seal. Rachel placed the loose bills securely into her wallet. Then she took the satchel of cash and laid it on the seat next to her, she would place it into her suitcase when she got home.

She drove the Bentley back to the house and then called a taxi. She waited patiently for her transportation to arrive. When she heard the horn, she grabbed her suitcase and left her home for the final time. She only had one more stop left in Lima.

The station wasn't relatively busy. Rachel ventured that it was because the work day had already began. Never mind though, this was it.

She searched around a moment before walking up to a young man in his early twenties. She spun a sad tale of how she needed to visit her sick aunt and that her father couldn't leave work to purchase a pass. She also offered him one-hundred dollars in cash. His eyes flashed with a glimmer of greed and he nodded quickly. For a hundred bucks he didn't care what she did with the ticket.

Rachel watched him walk up to the ticket counter and easily purchase passage to Toledo. He brought her the ticket and she handed him the money. "Pleasure doing business with you." She said shaking his hand.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." He said leaving the premises. Any faster and one would think he had stolen the money.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Ingrate." She whispered under her breath.

Soon it was time to board and she was seated on the 10am train. Rachel placed her earbuds on and settled in for the trip. She bit her lip in yet another genuine smile as the train came to life and she watched Lima, Ohio pass her by.

Toledo was much busier than Lima and to some would be seemingly out of the way. They would be right; it was out of the way from her New York destination, but it was imperative, nonetheless. One, it would throw anyone who might look for her later for a loop. Two, she still had pieces of her plan to fit together and she needed somewhere to do that which wasn't Lima. Toledo was that place.

With some difficulty, Rachel procured a cab. She directed them to the next check point. When the cab pulled up to the curb, she paid the fee and then existed the vehicle.

She entered her Uncle Walter's town house using the spare key her father's owned and quickly dispelled the alarm. She knew he wouldn't be home. He was on the same cruise as her father's.

He wasn't even really her Uncle, just her dad's best buddy from college. Her parents had a key because he went on a lot of business trips and they liked to take weekend getaways to Lake Erie. It happened quite often.

She sat her bags next to the coffee table and proceeded to collapse on to the couch. She'd take just a small nap and then continue on with the plan. There was still so much to do.

Hours later, Rachel found herself perusing the different shopping malls. She had located her Uncle's car and decided to drive there. If it weren't for the fact that she would never see any of them again, she would have been worried about how much trouble she was in.

She had purchased several pre-paid credit cards so that she wasn't carrying so much cash (all from different locations), a new pre-paid cell phone including a year of airtime, and a MacBook which would give her anonymity in case someone tried to search for her via ip address.

She would postpone ditching her cell phone until she heard from her father's one last time and then wait until she got to New York to destroy her old laptop. She couldn't chance that it might lead someone to her.

Seeing a salon a few shops down, Rachel wondered if she should go ahead and change her appearance now or if she should deliberate longer. Though she was captivated over the idea of a different style, she in turn chose to bide her time. She did, however, buy a blonde wig and oversized sunglasses to mask her semblance for when she ventured once again to the train station.

Once satisfied with her small purchases, Rachel made her way back to her Uncle's house. It was a little past four in the afternoon and there was still a list of things left for her to do. She reminded herself that she needed to work quickly.

She sat at the kitchen table with her old laptop (she wouldn't use the new one until she was in New York) and began her research on changing her identity. She needed it to be as authentic as possible and knew the internet could be perilous but she'd just have to take that chance.

She ordered five different kinds of kits that would help her forge a fake identity. They were to be overnighted to her at her Uncle's address. She would either be met at the door by the FedEx carrier or taken away by the F.B.I. for attempted fraud. She gulped. It should worry her that she was actively choosing the possibility of jail time over going back to McKinley. It was so worth it.

The next day, Rachel spent most of her time pacing her temporary residence. The package never came and Rachel became exceedingly more worried. She constantly checked the tracking code only to find out that she wouldn't receive the items until tomorrow. She huffed. So much for overnighting them!

Thursday found Rachel even more nervous. What if the wait was the F.B.I.'S way of making her sweat? Should she back out? Should she call it quits on her plan and go home? No was her only answer. She spent all morning and early afternoon biting her nails.

The doorbell rang at 2pm. She peered anxiously through the peep hole and relief washed over her. It was the FedEx delivery man. She moved aside to open the door when a large envelope was pushed through the mail receptacle on the door. She heard the man walk away and gathered up the package from the floor.

Upon opening the container she found everything she would need to change her identity illegally. She was amazed that it would take so little to be so authentic. Monetarily speaking she had paid much more than she had wanted for just a handful of papers, but she would exchange it any day for the life in which she was about to create. She got to work quickly and was thrilled that by 7pm that day she had a new existence waiting in the palm of her hands.

After a small dinner Rachel decided to tuck in early. She knew her father's would call in the morning and she wanted to be already awake. She needed to at least appear to be as if she were getting ready for school.

Rachel's phone rang at 6am Friday morning causing her to scream with fright. She had been awake, but she was so lost in thought that she had grown accustomed to the silence. She answered tentatively, perhaps a little on the meek side. "Hello."

"Hey, hey, there my Rachelah! Happy birthday!" She heard her father, Hiram, yell out into the phone. "Happy birthday day to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Raaaachelllll! Happy birthday to you!"

She laughed at her dad's antics. "Thanks dad." She said smiling into the receiver.

"How does it feel to be fifteen?" He asks. He asked a variation of the same question every year.

"Oh about the same as it felt to be fourteen." Was her dry reply. He laughed, Hiram had always appreciated her sense of humor.

"Oh yeah, baby cakes, getting kinda old huh?" He sounded so happy. She willed herself not to get emotional.

This was partly for them, right? So they could have their happiness and she could have hers. Win-Win right? Right? "If I'm old, dad, then you're old too."

He gasps. "Ah yes, well then, of course… you aren't old AT ALL." She laughs along with him. "Hey sweets, I'm gonna put you on speakerphone for daddy."

"Ok," she says softly. This was becoming all too much.

"Baby girl! You having a good week? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Leroy's voice boomed across the line.

"Thanks daddy and yeah…" She paused for a moment. "I miss you guys though." She almost slipped and said I'll instead of I.

"Awww, we miss you too sweetheart. We're so sorry we ended up missing your birthday, but don't worry k? We'll be home on Sunday and dad and I promise we'll spend all day celebrating!" Leroy had quickly added the last part as if it were to make up for a week of absence and missing her birthday. Rachel simply supplied that it was ok and that she had been the one to tell them to go anyhow.

There was a lull in the conversation and Rachel wondered if her father's phone had lost reception. "Rach? Rach?" She heard Hiram and Leroy's voices come through.

"I'm still here." Her tears were escaping quickly and it was all she could do to keep the emotion out of her voice.

"You sure you're ok?" Hiram asked her beginning to worry and second guess their decision to miss such an important day. It wasn't often his daughter was this quiet.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just not really fully awake yet." She played off. Probably a little too well.

"Alright," He chuckled. "Stayed up too late last night?"

"Possibly." She tried to sound coy. Apparently, she did.

"Well, maybe take the day off from school today, huh? It's the last day before break and I seriously doubt you'd miss anything." She agreed and then said her goodbyes.

They called again to check on her around three. This time she was able to sound much more cheerful. Stating that she did end up choosing to stay at home and that she watched Streisand movies all day (which she really had done so it wasn't a complete lie). It placated the dads and soon they hung up. Her father's not knowing it would be their last and Rachel not knowing that her father's had just made the decision to give up their monthly cruises so they weren't away from their baby girl so much. After all, they only had so much time with her left before she went off to college.

She packed her things before giving the house one last once over, leaving her cell phone on the counter along with a note and her fathers keys. She set the alarm, locked the door and walked out to the awaiting cab. She stopped at the mailbox and placed an envelope addressed to her fathers which also included Uncle Walter's house key.

Rachel got into the taxi with her possessions and chose not to look back at the house. "Train station, please." She smiled when the driver pulled away from the curb. "Happy birthday to me," She thought. "Happy birthday to me."


	3. Chapter Two

**CHAPTER TWO**

_"I Can Go Where No One Else Can Go"_

Rachel had taken the 5pm train from Toledo to New York City. It ended up being a fifteen hour and fifteen minute ride in which she thankfully slept through. They pulled into Penn Station at 8:15am Saturday morning and Rachel could not contain her excitement. She was here! She was in New York City! She threw her messenger bag around her shoulders and grabbed her suitcase. This was it.

If she had thought the Toledo station had been busy she was sadly mistaken. Penn Station approximately served a thousand passengers every ninety seconds. There were literally people everywhere.

Rachel took the escalator up from Penn Station onto the street level of Pennsylvania Plaza. She had been hoping to get a reprieve from the crowd, but there were just as many people. No, she was wrong. There were more people.

She walked around aimlessly (or should she say she bumped into every person next to her?) for more than a few moments until the rays of the sun shone through the large windows in front catching her eye. Like an answer from the gods, there just in her peripheral vision stood her salvation. _Starbucks_.

Rachel took her coffee and granola and set off to find a secluded place to sit. Well, as secluded as she was ever going to be able to procure among the masses. She pulled out her notebook that housed her "plan" and began going through the list.

She had $16,395.90 left in her budget minus the $10.50 she just spent on breakfast. She still needed to change her appearance, find an apartment, procure MTA passes, and buy whatever supplies or necessities she might need. It was going to be a long day.

Rachel spent the next two hours searching through housing listings on her phone and calling the supers to gauge prices. She was having no luck. She knew it wouldn't be easy and in all likelihood she would be spending the night in a hotel, but she had still hoped for better. Rachel finally came to the conclusion that she needed to go ahead and get a room somewhere. She wasn't certain she wanted to be out in the city after dark yet.

Rachel walked out of Pennsylvania Plaza in awe. She had been adjacent to Madison Square Garden all this time. Madison! Square! Garden! She gazed up at the skyscrapers surrounding her and smiled at the Empire State Building. She looked down the street and there was Macy's at Herald Square. She sighed. Manhattan felt like coming home.

Rachel had searched on her phone and found a nice enough hotel that was only marginally outrageous in their prices and began to try and follow the gps on her phone to it. On the journey she caught eye of a salon. "What the hell," Rachel thought. "It won't hurt to do this now instead of later."

She waltzed into the salon and asked if she could be seen today. "It's your lucky day," a sharply dressed blonde headed man said to her. "Rhonda just had a cancellation."

He motioned over to a young slender woman. Her shoulder length black hair was in curls with blue and pink highlights. Rachel rolled her suitcase over to the booth as the woman motioned for her to sit. "First time in New York?" Rhonda asked looking at Rachel's suitcase.

"Yes! I just moved here, I'm R… Joanie." Rachel beamed still unable to contain her excitement, not even caring that she almost told the woman her real name.

"Hi Joanie, I'm Rhonda." Rhonda noticed the slip up but there were a lot of people that came here to reinvent themselves. If this kid wanted to be a Joanie, then she could be a Joanie. It was New York after all. "New place, new look, huh?" Rhonda asked looking into the mirror and smiling at Rachel.

"Exactly." Rachel nodded in agreement. She had a good feeling about this Rhonda person.

"Well then, what can I do ya for?" Rhonda said fluffing Rachel's hair a bit. She was already thinking of what would be a good look for the girl.

Rachel told the stylist how she wanted to look different, possibly a change in color and length. Rhonda quickly tried to talk her out of it. She told Rachel that just because she was in a new place and wanted change, didn't mean she shouldn't stay true to her roots. She didn't need drastic, she just needed… pizazz. Besides she thought Rachel's natural color suited her well and she would suggest growing her hair out rather than cutting it short. Long hair looked good on the girl.

Rachel thought about it. A new look without changing completely? Would it work? Did she really need to disguise herself in a place like New York City? What were the chances they'd even be able to look for her here? Would she even be looked for?

"Do you trust me?" Rhonda asked. Rachel hesitated and Rhonda asked again. "Will you trust me, Joanie?" Rachel nodded this time. Looking back later on, Rachel would come to believe that Rhonda's advice was the best anyone could have given her in that moment in time.

Shortly Rachel found herself staring at a different person in the mirror. She wasn't completely different. She was still herself, but she looked older. She seemed lighter, happier even. She felt like she belonged. All Rhonda had given her were bangs, a small trim, and had styled her hair but to Rachel Berry it might as well have been the world.

Rachel paid the woman and Rhonda quickly grabbed three business cards writing something on one before handing them over. "This one is my card. Make sure you come back and see me when you need a refresher." Rachel bobbed her head enthusiastically.

Rhonda was a little worried about the girl being in the city possibly on her own. She knew if she could keep her coming back that she could sort of look out for her. It wasn't her job, but Rachel reminded her of her little sister. She hoped to god she wasn't as young as her.

"This one is for a boutique just down the block here. A buddy of mine owns it and can help you figure out a new look if you want one."

"Okay." Rachel beamed. The hair dresser really didn't have to go the extra mile like this, but Rachel was loving it.

The final card was given on a total impulse, but Rhonda decided to take it nevertheless. "And this last one is a place where my cousin used to stay in Bushwick. It's not Manhattan, but unless you are loaded you aren't gonna wanna search here. But hey, the supers are good people and will treat you right. That's if you don't already have a place to stay."

It was true. Rhonda had known Marty and Sheila most of her life and she thought highly of them. She knew they'd keep an eye out on the girl in front of her should she rent from them.

"Thank you so much!" Rachel said almost moved to tears. How did Rhonda know she needed a place to stay?

"No problem." Rhonda said. She saw too many people that moved to New York on a whim. She didn't want this girl ending up on the streets and being one of the city's dirty statistics. She seemed like a good kid. A little naive, but good nonetheless.

Rachel smiled one last time at the stylist before leaving the salon. Not only did she have a new hairstyle that she loved, but she also had a new direction to take. Her day was already getting brighter and it was only lunchtime.

Rachel's next stop was the boutique Rhonda had told her to check out. As soon as she walked in a lanky, overtly multiracial, guy covered in tattoos and piercings sauntered over to her. He wore a slouchy and had a hipster swag about him. She would soon learn his name was Aaron.

"Yo, Rhonda sent you?" He said smoothly, but with a look of excitement twinkling in his eyes. Rachel guessed Rhonda called ahead and notified him that she might be stopping by. She nodded as he gestured towards the back and began walking to the dressing rooms. Something about his demeanor was oddly familiar, but she decided against over analyzing it.

"Welcome to _Libere Bèt Yo_. I got this straight so if you'll let me hook you up with some new digs by the time I'm done with you, you'll most def feel like a New Yorker."

Rachel was a little apprehensive that someone else would be picking out her clothes, but she decided to throw caution to the wind and just go with the flow. She trusted Rhonda with her hair maybe she could do the same with Aaron and her clothes. It wasn't like she would be forced to buy them if she hated them.

She did tell him, though, that she was vegan and preferred to stay away from clothes made of animals. He smiled brightly and told her that _Libere Bèt Yo_ was Haitian Creole for 'Free the Animals.' Then stated that he himself was vegan and he would never dream of selling animal related clothing in his store. Aaron was officially the first vegan, besides herself, that she actually knew.

As he pulled clothes off the racks here and there, he began to tell her the background of how he created the store. She learned that his father was of Haitian decent, but his mother was a hippy type of Irish decent. Also, that Aaron learned the Haitian Creole language from his father and got his vegan values from his mother. He said it made sense to him to incorporate the two into a business… after all it made him who he was.

Every once in a while he would throw clothes in her direction to try on and keeping what he liked off to the side. She had to admit, he was good at what he was doing. She always wanted to wear the "cool clothes" that everyone else wore she just never knew where to begin. One new wardrobe and seven-hundred and fifty dollars later and Rachel was strutting out of the little shop as if she owned the world.

She bought 6 months worth of MTA unlimited passes before she boarded the J train that would take her to Bushwick. She had tried calling the couple about the apartment, but was unable to get an answer. Rachel hoped stopping by would be ok.

She followed the gps on her phone to the address she was supposed to go to and then looked up. What she saw surprised her. She wasn't at an apartment building at all. It was a place called _Moretti's Electronics._

She entered the shop and approached the clerk. "Excuse me." She clears her throat and a short plump grey haired woman in about her late sixties looked up from a book.

"Yeah?" The woman asked with a thick Brooklyn accent. She placed the book she had been reading to the side.

Rachel smiled politely. "I was wondering if you could help me. I was getting my hair done earlier and the stylist told me about this apartment for rent. I put the address in my phone but it led me here. I think I'm lost." Rachel informed her handing the woman Rhonda's business card with the names of the supers, a phone number and address on the back.

The woman took the card and placed her reading glasses from around her neck on the edge of her nose looking over its particulars. "Nope Rhonda led you good. Consider yerself found, I'm Shelia."

"So I-I'm in the right place." Rachel stuttered. This did not look like what she thought of when she pictured an apartment building.

"'Fraid so. It ain't much but it's somethin'. I can give you's the tour if ya like." Rachel looked around the small store causing Sheila to laugh. "Room's upstairs, sweetheart." She blushed slightly embarrassed but Sheila told her not to worry about it. "Yer fine. Still gettin' you bearin's."

"Marty!" Sheila yelled towards a door in the back. "Marty!"

Rachel saw a man, tall and slender in his late sixties, stick his head around the corner of the door. He had a head full of moppy gray hair and a broad thick mustache. "Hold on, woman, I'm back here workin'." Came another distinctly Brooklyn cadence. Though, Rachel thought, his wasn't quite as loud or as abrasive as Sheila's.

"Working?! I got five bucks says ya watchin' the game." The woman said pointedly. "Watch the front will you's? Got a possible tenant." Sheila nodded over to Rachel.

Rachel heard the man mumble something about listening to the game on a radio he was repairing. "I heard that!" Sheila yelled and then rolled her eyes causing Rachel to giggle.

"Alright, alright! Go. I got it covered." Marty said stepping out from the back room and shooing at the two with his hands.

Rachel followed Sheila as they climbed the stairs to the apartment that was located above the shop. Once there, Rachel noticed two doors. One was on the left about mid-way down the hall and the other on the right at the very end.

"It's the one on the right. Marty and I stay here." Sheila thumbed to the door closest to them. She took Rachel down the hall and opened three locks, muttering that you can never be too safe nowadays.

"Well, this is it." Sheila said opening the door and walking into the room. "As you's can see, it's got a stove, sink and fridge over there in the corner. The john's down the hall with a shower. All of which works fine. 'Cept we ain't got hot water and the pipes tend to freeze up in the winters. Nuthin' a hammer can't fix mind you. Got limited heat and air so I'd recommends ya get you's one of them space heaters and then a fan in the summers. There's a hall closet side the toilet entrance and we got a washer/dryer downstairs that ya welcome to use. Rent's seven-fifty a month and includes utilities, cable, and we do got the internets. Jus' don't go hikin' up the bill too much and we'll do jus' fine."

Rachel looked around the small room that was barely as big as their 'Oscar Room' at home. Sheila seemed nice and Marty didn't seem so bad either. She could stay here or she could find a hotel room for the night and look again tomorrow. A hotel room would just spoil her though, and from what she learned from calling around earlier… this may be her best bet.

"I'll take it." She said enthusiastically turning to look at Sheila. "Can I go ahead and pay the first six months in cash?"

Sheila smiles. Rhonda sent a good one. Much better than the last roughneck that came by. "You's sure can, honey."

"I'm Joanie, by the way," Rachel says offering her hand to shake. "Joanie Sands."

They signed some paperwork with Sheila looking closely at Rachel's identification a couple of times, but never saying anything out of the ordinary. Rachel worried for a minute that maybe they wouldn't rent to her. It must have been due to poor eyesight, however, seeing as she now had in her possession a rental agreement.

Rachel walked back up the stairs to her new apartment. She had a lot of work to do to make this a home, but she knew it was possible. She placed her possessions in the corner and pulled out her notebook. After what she had already spent today, including rent, she had $10,388 left. She checked the clock on her phone and noticed it was only 4pm. She still had time to do some shopping before it got dark.

The first thing Rachel bought was a mattress from the furniture place two stores down. They were willing to deliver and Sheila said she'd let them up. She concluded she didn't need a headboard yet and they had thrown in a metal frame at a discounted price. She also bought a TV stand, a 19" LCDTV with a built-in dvd player, and a small round kitchen table with two matching chairs from the same store. She didn't buy a couch, she planned to just push the bed adjacent to the wall in the corner and lean up against some pillows whenever she wanted to watch television.

Across the street was a cookware store where she bought pots, pans, silverware, dinnerware, cups, spatulas, knives, kitchen towels and a coffeemaker. She quickly ran those back to her apartment. Rachel, then, decided to head in the other direction to find the rest of what she needed. By the time she had finished her shopping she had added two space heaters, pillows, a comforter set, a ten piece towel set, a robe, a tool kit, curtains, cleaning supplies, toiletries, and a week's worth of groceries.

Rachel practically collapsed into the apartment when she entered locking the deadbolts and chains behind her. She put away the food she had purchased and placed everything else to the side. She was exhausted.

Before she would allow herself to set up the television, make her bed (including putting together the frame) and relax a bit, she sat down at the kitchen table to draw up her budget. She gathered her trusty notebook, a pen, and laid out all of her money, receipts, and cards.

She had $8,323 to her name. She estimated she would spend roughly $4,800 of that in the next six months for food and supplies. That's six months to find a job that will pay her monthly bills including rent and still have some left over funds for emergencies.

Even though the thought of it made her lightheaded, she decided that if she didn't find a job by that deadline she would call her fathers and go home. That is if she was still welcome after all of this. There was always the chance they would hate her now.

Seeing that it was just after nightfall, Rachel went over to her suitcase and pulled out the small Menorah she had kept in her room at home during the holidays. She brought it over to the window sill and lit each candle one by one, right to left.

"Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech Ha-Olam, asher kiddeshanu b'mitzvotav, vitzivanu, lehadlik ner shel Hanukkah."* She recited the prayer she had learned as a child. "Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech Ha-Olam, she-asah nissim la-avotaynu bayamim ha-hem bazman hazeh."**

She looked around the virtually empty apartment and pulled her knees up to her chest. Hugging herself, she shut her eyes tightly and laid her head on her knees. It was the last night of Hanukkah and the first one she had ever spent completely alone.

Now that she didn't have anything to keep her mind busy, she realized just how much she missed her dads. She knew logically that they wouldn't have been with her anyway, she had already had to celebrate most of the Festival of Lights without them, but still. Throughout this whole process she had tried to keep from dwelling on never seeing them again. She kept reminding herself that this was for the best. She couldn't live in that town anymore, even if it meant losing them.

Her thoughts suddenly became assaulted with memories of being called _Man hands, Tranny, _and_ Treasure Trail. _Of the days when she was _pushed, shoved_ and _tripped_. She brooded over the _egging_ and being thrown into _dumpsters_. All those damn _slushies_. Her skin prickled with ice even though it was relatively warm with the space heaters and a wave of nausea hit her hard as the smell of rotting trash infused her mind. She ran to the bathroom retching into the porcelain bowl.

After her stomach had been successfully purged she cleaned herself up and went to put together the frame of her bed. She contemplated just sleeping with the mattress on the floor, but she had a feeling she wouldn't be sleeping much at all. She was too scared too; afraid that she would wake up and find that it had all been a dream. That she hadn't actually escaped and was still living in the nightmare that was Lima, Ohio.

* * *

_*****__Hebrew Translation: Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, who has sanctified us with Your commandments, and has commanded us to kindle the lights of Hanukkah. _

_******__Hebrew Translation: Blessed are you, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, who wrought miracles for our fathers in days of old, at this season._

**A/N: For the most part finding an apartment in NYC for that price is probably unheard of but I did find a couple of places in that range when I searched so I thought it would be good enough, especially sense it's not in the best condition. **

**I've never been to Penn Station or to New York for that matter, nor am I Jewish so I've had to do a lot of researching for this story so far. I apologize if I've gotten anything incorrect. Hope you enjoyed the chapter and thank you all for reading, following, favoriting, and reviewing. It means so much.**


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N: So I have some how been finagled into playing softball tonight which would leave me unable to update do to the probability of my untimely death via lack of oxygen from running. Therefore, you get your update early today! Yay! Lol. And don't worry, if my overdramatic self were to have a falling out on the field then I would do my best to learn to haunt my computer for next week's update! Love you guys! Thanks for all the reads, follows, favorites, and reviews!**

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**CHAPTER THREE**

_"Like A Firefly Without A Light"_

_"You make me want to light myself on fire."_

_I'm going to scratch my eyes out._

_"Listen here Treasure Trail, we are about to have a smack down." _

_"I don't want to have a confrontation."_

_"Don't play stupid with me, Stubbles."_

_Please get sterilized._

_"I'm tired of being laughed at."_

_"You're the best kid in there Rachel. It comes with a price."_

_"Everybody hates me."_

_If I were your parents I would sell you back._

_"Look's like someone is running for drama queen again."_

_"Yoooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuu suuuuuuuuuucccccckkkkk!"_

Rachel woke up with a start. She looked around trying to place her surroundings. Blinking a few times, her eyes focused on the small kitchenette in the corner. She was in her apartment. Relief washed over her.

Rachel fell back onto her bed and curled into one of her pillows not wanting to get up just yet. She grabbed her cell and noticed it was just before 6am. She was actually surprised that she slept as much as she did, especially when her dreams were full of such content from the past.

She sighed. It was Sunday. Her fathers would be arriving home shortly, if they hadn't already. She wonders if they are out looking for her and then quickly dispels the idea. She won't allow herself to think about it anymore. She'd have breakfast and then would just have to keep busy instead.

Choosing to start off with the mess that is her new apartment, Rachel got out of bed and pulled out all of the cleaning supplies. She would start by giving the place a good once over and turning it into a home.

Rachel thought that since the place was so small she wouldn't have spent her whole day cleaning; oh how wrong she was. She looked around at her now immaculately spotless and orderly apartment and smiled contently. It may have taken her all day, only stopping for lunch and a freezing cold shower, but she was mostly happy with the result. Rachel could get used to living here.

Rachel spent the rest of the evening having a small dinner and watching her dvd of West Side Story. She stayed away from her laptop knowing that, if she had gone near it, she would have started searching to see if there was any news of her disappearance. She couldn't afford for those red flags to be potentially raised.

When 11pm rolled around, Rachel found herself on the fire escape soaking in the noise from the city. Still on her West Side Story buzz, she did what had always come natural to her, she began to sing.

"There's a place for us, somewhere, a place for us." Never had she believed so much in those words until this very moment. There was a place for her and she was certain it was here in New York City. Even if right now she was lonely and missed her dads like crazy, she could get through this. She had to and there was no better place than here.

As she began to sing with heightened volume and passion, she found herself being interrupted. A chorus of shut ups, pipe downs, and rambunctious animals could be heard, but Rachel tried to ignore them, not knowing for sure if they were meant for her. That is until a burly man called out to her from the next building over. He had opened his window and was leaning out of it a little, looking imploringly at Rachel, "Hey kid!"

"Me?" Rachel asked nervously. Of course she was the only one out here, but she needed to be sure. The others hadn't singled her out specifically.

"Yeah yous." Said the man. "Look kid, your good and alls, but it's after eleven and some peoples gotta work in the morning. Kapesh?"

Rachel's eyes widened. "Oh! Oh my! I am so sorry, sir. I didn't mean for my singing to keep you awake. Please don't file a lawsuit!" She shouted.

The burly man laughed. "Eh, it's ok. No harms done, like I saids your good but maybe yous should be takin' it inside? Or startin' out earlier next time?"

Rachel nodded. "Of course! Thank you for the complement and have a pleasant evening!" She waved as the man chuckled and closed his window shaking his head. "Well at least someone appreciates my talent." She said aloud to her empty apartment as she stepped back inside.

She closed her window and decided she should try and turn in for the night. Tomorrow she would trek back into Manhattan and start looking for employment. She wasn't in a major hurry, but felt there was no time like the present.

Rachel brushed her teeth and readied herself for bed after completing her nightly moisturizing ritual. She turned out the light and headed back into the dark room to tuck herself into bed.

Rachel looked toward the window as she entered the room and what she saw frightened her causing her to jump in terror. "Aaaaaahhhhh!" She screamed at the two glowing eyes staring at her from the blackness.

"I have a rape whistle and a can of mace!" She announced as she struggled to find something to protect herself with, settling on a pan from the kitchen. She did, in fact, have a rape whistle and a can of mace, but they were currently in her suitcase under her bed and what good that was doing her!

She took the pan and slowly went toward the light switch and flipped it on, the green eyes never faltering. Relief washed over her as she recognized that the pair of eyes belonged to a scraggily brown cat.

She let out the breath she had been holding and shook her head at the silliness of it all. 'It's just a cat, Rachel.' She thought to herself.

Putting down the pan she walked over to the window and opened it with the intent of shooing said cat away. Instead, however, the medium sized cat meowed in greeting and then proceeded to prance into her apartment.

"Well," Rachel said. "I guess I have a guest." The cat meowed in agreement causing the girl to roll her eyes. "It's quite nice of you to join me, Mr. Cat." Rachel said to her temporary houseguest. "But dinner has already been served. So I'm afraid you will have to come again another time." The cat meowed again and jumped on to her kitchen table. "No!" She yelled at it. "Get down from there. Shoo!" She walked towards the animal hoping to catch it and release it back into the wild, but the cat jumped from the table on to the counter and then on top of her refrigerator.

"Why are you being so insufferable?" Rachel asked the cat, balling up her fists at her side and stomping her foot. The cat meowed in return. "Please, come down from there?" She tried changing tactics. The cat remained unmoving, again just meowing in return.

Rachel huffed and then opened the fridge grabbing her almond milk and a bowl. She poured a small amount, added some water from the sink, and placed it on the floor just out of the kitchenette. She walked over to her bed and sat down hoping the cat would come down from it's perch so that she could remove him from the premises.

Rachel awoke with a shiver having fallen asleep with the window still open while waiting for the cat to leave. She looked over to the refrigerator and noticed the feline had, indeed, vacated itself. She walked over to the empty bowl and placed it in the sink for later. Then she went back to the window and closed it.

She pulled back the covers and got into bed this time instead of just laying on top. Screaming again, Rachel jumped off the bed, taking the covers with her, as her foot touched something that most definitely should not be in her bed. The scruffy brown cat looked up at her and scowled.

Rachel clutched her chest. "You scared the bejeezus out of me, Mr. Cat!" She fussed looking at the intruder.

She hesitantly reached out her hand to pet the cat, who seemed to contemplate whether he could trust Rachel not to throw him out. When Rachel's fingers brushed up against his scalp, however, he molded to her touch and began to purr. "You have really pretty eyes." Rachel said finally sitting next to the animal adorning her bed and staring into the jade orbs.

She inspected the cat further and noticed he didn't have a collar, but he was too docile to be feral. She began wondering if he once had a home and if he was abandoned. The thought made her sad. Who could abandon such a creature as this?

Rachel continued to scratch the cat's head as he moved from her bed into her lap. "I guess this means you're staying." She smiled as the cat purred more loudly than before. "I think… I think I could be ok with that." Before long, both Rachel and her new roommate were settled on the bed and fast asleep, buried under the mound of covers to keep from getting too cold.

Rachel arose, the next morning, to a sharp kneading on her chest. "Ow!" She fussed removing the cat from his resting place. "That hurts, you know." The cat meowed and Rachel found it hard to be mad at the animal any longer. "You hungry, Mr. Cat?" She said getting up and walking into the kitchen. The feline followed her and jumped up on to the table.

"I've never had a cat before." She said as she grabbed her almond milk from the fridge and poured him a bowl mixed with water again. "My daddy is allergic to animals." She sat the bowl down as the cat began to lap up it's breakfast. She grabbed another bowl and made herself some cereal. They ate in relative silence as Rachel continued to look at the animal. "You know, if you're really gonna stay, I'm going to have to go get some things from the store and you are going to need to see a vet." Rachel shuddered at the possibility of having slept with a diseased feline.

Finishing her breakfast she watched amazed as the cat went back over to her bed and made himself comfortable. She smiled taking it as a sign that the animal had no intention of leaving. She had always wanted a pet, but she had a strange feeling that she might actually be gaining a friend.

Rachel got ready for the day and then searched her computer for a veterinary clinic that could see, Mr. Cat today. She frowned. She couldn't keep calling him that, if he was staying he would need a name. A real name. She thought for a moment and then her face brightened. "How do you feel about patron saints, Mr. Cat?" Rachel asked the brown feline. She didn't expect an answer and of course she didn't receive one, but she grinned nonetheless.

"I should tell you that I'm Jewish so it might be a little weird for me know about saints." Rachel said with a chuckle. "Before I went to McKinley though, for about three months, I had to endure St. Mary's Catholic School. My dads thought it would be broadening. Thank Moses, it didn't last long. A Jewish girl in a Catholic school wasn't exactly working in my favor." Rachel gestured animatedly as she spoke.

The cat looked up to her as if intently listening to her story. "But while I was there I had to do these book reports on some of the saints and I did this one on St. Anthony of Padua and I guess he kind of stuck with me. He was the patron saint of finding lost things." Rachel knew it was silly speaking to a cat this way, but at the same time she was lonely. She had been for so long and well, this cat, he could help change that right?

"So since you need a name and you are a lost thing that has been found. What if I name you St. Anthony of Bushwick?" Rachel asked the cat. "But, um, maybe we could call you Tony? You know, because of West Side Story and all? I mean, that was the musical I was watching yesterday and then you came along and…" Rachel began giggling at herself when she realized she was trying to convince a cat to take it's new name.

"Wow, I'm special huh?" She said scratching behind the feline's ears. "So Tony it is." She stated and as if right on cue, Tony the Cat meowed. Rachel smiled again, maybe she wasn't so stupid for thinking a cat could understand her.

She spent the rest of the morning shopping for Tony and then took him to his first vet appointment that afternoon. She was pleased to find he was disease-free and just a little on the malnourished side. She could fix that. She could give Tony a home and food and care; and maybe, just maybe, Tony could give her freedom from her isolation.

Instead of spending the rest of the holiday season pointlessly trying to find a job like she had planned, Rachel spent it avoiding the massive crowds (which she still wasn't used to) and telling Tony her life story. Despite informing her landlords that she was Jewish and didn't celebrate the Christmas holiday, she teared up when Marty and Sheila brought her a fruit basket early on in the week. She in turn made them some sugar cookies. She also offered to help out in the shop if needed, but they declined.

She did venture once into Manhattan that week to visit Rhonda and Aaron, who she learned were an on and off couple. She baked them the same goods as her landlords and they greedily took them proclaiming her as the best pastry chef they knew. She almost felt like they could be friends.

Rachel found it to be different around people that seemed to actually like her and hadn't really counted on finding that so early on in the city. The day's before Christmas Rachel found herself sitting with Marty in his shop enamored in his stories about the war and his family.

She learned that both the Moretti's were born and raised in Brooklyn and were married just before he was shipped off to Vietnam in 1961 at nineteen years old. Marty told her of how he had went to college to avoid the war but dropped out when he learned it really wasn't for him. He was immediately drafted and spent one year with the army until his knee cap was blown out causing his discharge. She found out he opened _Moretti's Electronics_ in 1964 after working in another repair shop for a year and that they have a son, Frank, who has three boys himself along with his wife Denise. Marty and Sheila had also had a daughter named Laura, but she died of cancer when she was sixteen.

As much as she found it endearing conversing with the older gentleman she found it even less so when speaking with Sheila. Mrs. Moretti was constantly nagging her with questions about her family. She didn't like lying to the couple but knew it was a necessity.

When Christmas morning rolled around Rachel held herself up in her apartment. She had spent all week getting to know people and barely being alone, but now she had no one. The Moretti's were off visiting their son and she didn't want to impose on Rhonda or Aaron. It was just her and Tony.

She watched all of five minutes of 'It's A Wonderful Life' before she broke down crying over one of her father's favorite holiday movies. It hadn't been a wonderful life for Rachel. Even with the new relationships she was trying to develop, it wasn't a wonderful life now. Here she was on a day that, despite that she didn't really celebrate it, should bring joy and she was miserable. She was lonely.

She held Tony close to her. The cat didn't seem to mind. It took everything in her not to call her father's. She wanted to; she wanted to badly. But what good would it do? Where would it lead her? She'd just end up right back in Lima. Right back in the death trap she used to call home and in a whole lot of trouble no doubt.

She began to weigh her options; freedom from persecution or temporary security in the arms of the men who raised her? She bit her lip and picked up her phone. Dialing the number she knew oh so well, she hovered her thumb over the send button.

_"I've got news for you, Rachel." _

The memory hit her and it was clear as day.

_"Sometimes you gotta do things you don't want to do." _

Rachel began to wonder if Mr. Schuester would ever know the profound impact his words had had on her that day that felt so long ago. For weeks it stood out in her mind more than anything else he had ever said to her. It took her awhile, but on this lonely Christmas day she had finally figured it out.

No Mr. Schue, she hadn't wanted to leave her fathers. She hadn't wanted to abandon her youth. She hadn't wanted to give up her chance at a college education. But it was you that taught her that sometimes she had to do things she didn't want to do.

What she didn't learn from you was the reason why. You had been one of the many to drop that ball so far away from her, but now she was here. And now she knew.

She shouldn't have to compromise herself for others. She shouldn't have to endure the treatment she received from her peers. She shouldn't have to wait for tomorrow what she could have today. She figured out something nobody else in that small minded town could.

Rachel Barbra Berry was strong and proud and she deserved better. She deserved better and no matter how much it hurt her along the way, she would make sure it happened. She could do that now because she learned how to do things she didn't want to do. She learned to turn them into things she needed so that she could stay alive because sitting there in her empty apartment, Rachel had finally realized the real truth- the Rachel Barbra Berry she was would've died if she had stayed in Lima, Ohio.

Rachel hit clear on her phone. She wouldn't be calling her dads. She wouldn't be going home. There was no "home" to go back to.


	5. Chapter Four

**A/N: Here is the long awaited Shelby Intro! Hope you all enjoy it. Next chapter will be more Shelby and then we will go back to Rachel. Thanks to all those who read, review, follow and favorite! It's much appreciated.**

**Also to answer some guest reviewer questions: **

**-Rachel ditched her old phone back in Toledo. The phone she has now is new and no one from Lima knows of that number. Therefore calling her phone number would do no one in Lima any good.**

**-Rachel and her fathers were close... but she was treated more as a friend than a child. Rachel saw the previous struggles they went through and decided in order for all of them to be happy she would have to leave. It hurt her to have to leave and she does miss them. Ultimately though, she felt she couldn't survive in Lima and small town life was her father's dream life. She wanted to live out her dream and let them live out theirs. It's a complicated and dysfunctional family dynamic. I hope that explains things a little further. I can expand more if need be? **

**-The gleeks won't be featured much in this story. There will be mention of them and one or two may show up later, but they won't be major characters.**

**-There is no pairing in this story. (Sorry to all the Puckelberry, Finchel, St. Berry, and so on shippers)**

**-This is a Rachel and Shelby story :) I don't want to give away too much info... but their storyline's will join in about 4-6 more chapters, I promise.**

**-Also this story has a Prologue, 32 chapters, and an Epilogue. It's completely outlined out so if you guys want to follow that little bit of info to judge where the story might be at you can :)**

* * *

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_"Seems Like I Should Be Getting Somewhere"_

"No, no, no! How many times do I have to tell you, it's not enough to douse yourself in gasoline... You have to light yourself on fire to make it work!"

Shelby looked up at the stage towards the twenty-six Vocal Adrenaline members from her desk as they meticulously performed their number. It was after eleven already and they still had one more hour of rehearsal before she was willing to let them go, but she was tired; tired of coaching. Not just today, not this year; she was tired of coaching mindless drones period.

From 2:30-midnight they practiced every day. Weekends, summers, and before competitions were even worse. No one is allowed to leave for any reason. No breaks; no excuses (that's including heat exhaustion and Crohn's Disease). All this for three years. Sure out of those three she had won them three consecutive national titles, and was well on her way to pushing them into their fourth. But she was still tired of it. She wanted a home she actually would spend time in, she wanted a family that she could dedicate her time to, she could even see herself adding a dog into the mix but she still wanted to teach. Just- she wanted to teach kids who had passion. Kids that were capable of emotion and depth. Kids with heart. There was none of that in show choir anymore- not with winners anyways and she was Shelby Corcoran, if there was a competition, she had to win.

"Stop, please, dear god just stop. Seriously guys? It's like watching beige paint dry. Could everyone please look at Jesse. Jesse, give us a show face." Shelby said motioning to the boy. Jesse smiled brightly straining his face. "That's a show face guys. You want to look so talented, it's literally hurting you. I want a look that's so optimistic it could cure cancer!" She said as the members of the choir all adopted the same look as Jesse. "That's what I'm talking about! Take five everybody. Drink a red bull." The vocal coach advised them.

God, she was so tired of this. She hated having to settle for painted on smiles and lackluster heart, but it was all she would ever be able to pull from a group like this. What could she expect with motto's like 'Murder or be Murdered,' human growth hormones, and constant sunscreen exposure?

Shelby sighed. She longed again for the busy streets of Manhattan and the hustle and bustle of the surrounding city. She hated small town life, but there were reasons she was here. One, she hadn't been able to make it on Broadway. Two, well two, she was beckoned to stay until she could at least meet the little girl she had given up so long ago. She had already had the school hire a replacement. She was ready to go back to New York as a vocal coach and studio owner, but she still had one thing she had to do.

It had been four months since the New Directions had performed at their sectionals. Four months since that little band of misfits astounded the judges and Shelby herself with their ability to emote on stage. Four months since Shelby Corcoran had laid eyes on her daughter for the first time since she was born.

When that five foot two soprano, who's voice could rival her own, revealed herself from the curtains at the back of the audience and pranced down the aisle singing 'Don't Rain On My Parade,' Shelby had known without a shadow of a doubt that she had found her baby girl. Of course, she knew that Rachel was somewhere in Ohio; she had tracked the family that far. It's why she had found herself accepting her position at Carmel in Akron but, the Berry men had remained elusive as to their exact whereabouts. Add in the contract Shelby had signed making the surrogacy a closed adoption, and it proved near impossible to find the only child she'd ever have.

Still, Shelby had yet to act. She knew she had to find a way to get Rachel to come to her, it was the only way the Berry's couldn't impose legal action and the only way Shelby would meet Rachel before she left for New York. The problem was that she didn't even have a plan and more and more her thoughts became filled with those of a dancing pint sized diva.

She looked up at the soulless automations she had been coaching all these years as they began their routine again. Surely one of them could offer some hope, some inspiration in helping her get to her daughter. As if on cue, Jesse St. James stepped up to the front and Shelby burst into a rare smile. Jesse! Of course! Why hadn't she thought of him before? He was her best performer and the ultimate kiss ass. He would do anything to stay in the spotlight. The idea hit her faster than a blink and she soon found herself huddled up next to Jesse explaining her newfound plan and why she needed his help.

"I answered an ad in the paper. Nine months work would make me enough money to live in New York for two years, her dads seemed like nice guys so I went for it. I never got to hold her and I only saw her for a second when they were cleaning her off. It was through a bunch of nurses, but she turned her little head and she looked at me." Shelby told Jesse fighting back tears. "I failed as an actress. My walls are lined with trophies instead of wedding pictures. But through all of that, I only have one regret. You've got to do this for me, Jesse. I signed a contract. I can't contact her until she's eighteen. She has to come to me."

It was simple, she would send Jesse to McKinley High School in the Lima school district to join the New Directions and befriend her daughter, thus giving her the "in" she needed. It was completely fool proof and, providing Jesse's commitment (which was granted the moment she threatened to withdraw her impeccable letter of recommendation that had guaranteed his acceptance to UCLA), she would be standing next to her baby in no time.

At least that's how she thought it would happen. She hadn't expected that three days into the transfer, Jesse would come back to Carmel with the most devastating news Shelby could possibly receive. "What do you mean she isn't there?!" Shelby yelled at Jesse who was smart enough to take a step back before answering.

"I mean she isn't there, Ms. Corcoran. I transferred just like you asked and then when I went to look around for her I couldn't find her. When I asked the other members of New Directions, they simply stated she was gone. They had such defeated eyes. Of course, I would too had I only had mediocre talent and lost the one performer that could contend for the win." He tried to explain.

Shelby's hand cupped her mouth. "Oh no!" She thought. Did the Berry's find out she was looking for Rachel? Did they take her daughter away to god knows where to keep her from her? Shelby didn't have the answers, but she was certainly going to find them out. With a new fire lit in her soul, she grabbed her keys, jumped in her Range Rover and quickly made her way to Lima. She would find out where her daughter was, if it was the last thing she ever did; she would know.

Two hours and thirty-two minutes later, Shelby found herself standing outside Will Schuester's door. She took a deep breath and lifted her hand. She only had to knock twice.

"Ms. Corcoran!" Will said swinging the door open. Shelby figured he must have looked through the peep hole. The look of surprise mixed with recognition on his face intrigued her.

"So you know who I am?" She asked. It was possible. She was a champion breeder in the show choir realm. She just didn't really expect this.

"Yes," The curly haired man stumbled across his words. "I'm a big fan, really… but… um… I'm the coach of a rival glee club so forgive me if I'm a little confused as to why you're here." He had a point.

Shelby chuckled in spite of it. "Yes, well, I don't usually condone fraternizing with the competition but I also have trouble seeing you guys as competition." Will's eyes widened. "Don't worry. I'm not here as a spy."

Minutes later and Shelby found herself drinking coffee and making small talk rather than questioning the man like she had planned. "I'm not driven just to coach your average high school glee club. I'm driven to excellence. A lot of people thought I couldn't take nationals with a routine where the kids danced entirely on their hands. I spend every waking moment thinking about Vocal Adrenaline. I have no life. I haven't been on a date in three years."

"I know what you mean about being obsessed with work." Will said taking a sip of his coffee as he sat next to her. "I'm so committed to the glee club and I think it might have been a big part in ending my marriage."

"I'm glad you brought up your club, Will." Shelby said tentatively; interrupting wherever it was Will was going. His personal life didn't concern her. She hadn't been quite sure how to broach the subject, but now was the time to jump all in so she told him. "It's about Rachel Berry."

"Rachel?" Will asked. He seemed even more confused and was that sadness?

"Yes, Rachel Berry. She's my biological daughter." Shelby explained. Will tried to interrupt her but the woman kept on. She had to get this out. She been telling him the story of her surrogacy just as she had told Jesse and when she finally looked at the man across from her she saw apprehensiveness staring back at her. "Look I know why you could be concerned, but my reconnection with Rachel isn't going to be a plot to destroy you at regionals."

"I'm not worried about regionals." Will said slowly. He looked at his hands before looking back up at Shelby. "It's Rachel. She's gone." He said finally stopping Shelby in her tracks.

"So it's true?" Shelby said as her face fell to her crossed hands on the table. "Jesse told me she wasn't there, that the kids said she left, but… it's really true? They've taken her away again?"

"Shelby," Will said reaching his hand across the table, placing it partially on top of Shelby's. "Rachel dropped out of school four months ago. She ran away from home. No one knows where she is."

"What?!" Shelby's head jerked up. "Dropped out of school? Ran away from home? Why would she do that?" Shelby was completely riddled.

Will withdrew his hand noting the hostility in the woman. "She was bullied a lot at the school. Rumors say she had a rough home life, but no one is completely sure. From what little I know, she didn't leave a note at all."

"She was bullied? Rough home life? Did no one do anything about any of this?!" The real question Shelby was asking Will was why he didn't do anything about this.

Will ignored the question. "She is so special you know? She's got all the best of you. She's strong willed, dramatic… wildly talented. But she's also fragile and over emotional."

"Please tell me you are not trying to tell me my daughter brought this all on herself? That some how whatever has happened to her is her fault?" Shelby was pissed. How dare Will Schuester suggest such a thing! Shelby's glare might as well have been shooting thousands of daggers into the man's skin.

"No! No, not at all." Will said with a gulp backtracking. Shelby wasn't sure if he was just afraid of her or if he was actually being genuine.

"What do I do now?" She asked all ire collapsing. Shelby felt as if all her hope was gone. She was defeated. It was worse than not making it on Broadway. Her child was gone. It had been easy to track her down with her fathers… well not really easy, but doable. How could she ever hope to find the girl out there on her own?

Questions began to fill her mind. Was Rachel living on the streets? Oh god, was she even alive? Shelby's heart ached. For so long she had hardened it not to feel such emotion again, but this news… it was wrecking her. Shelby had longed all this time for emotion and heart again. Something she knew she wouldn't find until she came face to face with her baby girl. Now what was she going to do?

The two sat in silence until Will finally spoke up. "Do you think… Are you even prepared to have a teenage daughter?" He asked cautiously. Shelby wasn't certain where he was going with this, but she went along with it anyway.

"I can't have anymore kids. There were issues a few years back. Then some surgery and that's that. I've always wanted a daughter. That's why it's been so important to me to make this bond with her. But you make a valid point. All these years, I wanted my baby back. Rachel's almost an adult now, but she still needs me Will. I know she still needs me. Especially now knowing this about her running away. God, she's needed me all along." Shelby poured her heart out to Will completely. It seemed to be just what he wanted to hear.

Will slid a piece of paper he had been writing on across the table. It contained the address of Leroy and Hiram Berry. "Shelby, I can't tell you what to do, but if you really lover her; you have to find her and tell her what you just told me."

Shelby clutched the piece of paper to her heart and nodded. "Thank you, Will. Thank you so much." Will nodded before standing and taking Shelby's empty cup.

"I want to see her found. I dropped the ball with her. Somehow I let her fall through the cracks… I've never felt so horrible about anything in my life. No one has been able to find her. But if anyone has enough drive and determination to do it, it's you, Shelby. Find her. She really does need you."

With Will's last statement, Shelby left the apartment. She got herself a hotel room with the promise of visiting the Berry men in the morning. She may have broken many promises to herself in the past, but this wouldn't be one of them. If she was going to find Rachel, she would need to know everything they did. She just hoped she wouldn't end up being arrested in the process.


	6. Chapter Five

**A/N: Here is part two of Shelby's intro :)**

**More questions answered:**

**-There is no pairing in this story. (Sorry to all the Puckelberry, Finchel, St. Berry, and so on shippers)**

**-Their storyline's will join in about 4-6 more chapters.**

**-Also this story has a Prologue, 32 chapters, and an Epilogue. It's completely outlined out so if you guys want to follow that little bit of info to judge where the story might be at you can :)**

**Thanks again for all the reads, reviews, follows, and favorites!**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

_"One More Promise I Couldn't Keep"_

Shelby steeled herself before knocking on the door. She was a combination of nervous, angry, determined, and even a little confused. She couldn't understand how the two men she had been a surrogate for all those years ago could allow this to happen to their daughter.

She remembered the moment she answered the ad like it was yesterday. It probably had something to do with the fact that she thought of her pregnancy daily. She couldn't help it. Rachel held the keys to both her biggest accomplishment and her strongest regret. The keys to her emotion and feelings. The keys to her heart.

Shelby knocked three times with no answer. She wasn't one hundred percent certain the Berry men were home. If there was a car present at 241 Birch Hill Road Lima, OH… it was in the garage.

The woman turned to leave thinking she would wait in her car until they arrived home. She didn't even care if she spent the entirety of her day there. She would stay or keep coming back until she spoke with them.

Just then the door was thrown open. "Rachel! Rachel!" Was shouted in her direction. It was a simple mistake by the men. Rachel and Shelby did look very much alike.

Shelby turned back toward the house and watched as Hiram Berry's face fell followed by a rush of whimpers from Leroy. "Shelby." Hiram said apathetically placing an arm of comfort around his husband. Shelby surmised that he had indeed mistaken her for his daughter and with it not being who he thought it was, his hopes were dashed.

"Hiram. Leroy." Shelby hissed at the two men. She hadn't meant for the venom to leak out in her voice, but she wasn't too bothered by it either as both of the Berry's looked chastised. 'Good. They should feel that way.' Shelby thought.

"I take it you know then." The Jewish man stated. He didn't really have to ask. It was written all over Shelby's face.

"How could- fucking- ugh!" Shelby said. Moisture, she was unaware that she was still capable of producing, began to leak from her tear ducts as the anger boiled inside her.

"Please, come inside." A sniffling Leroy asked. "We'll tell you anything you want to know."

Shelby gripped her hands together in anger. It was all she could do not to rip into the men that played an intricate part in all of this mess or strangle them slowly bringing their pitiful existence to an end or… or… It wouldn't do if she murdered them in plain daylight, maybe going inside was a good idea. Some may call Shelby Corcoran dramatic, but Shelby preferred the term theatrical.

She followed Leroy into the house as Hiram held open the door. She nodded in thanks, but refused to verbalize it. They didn't deserve it in her opinion.

"Have a seat." Hiram said motioning to the rather large plush white couch. "Can I get you anything to drink?"

"It's too early for alcohol and I'd probably just end up throwing anything else in anger." She said with disdain. Leroy began biting his thumb nail as Hiram's face contorted into an anger matching that of Shelby's.

"You know you are not the only one who has lost a child here!" He yelled. If Shelby hadn't been so angry herself she would have smirked at getting a reaction out of the man so easily.

"And whose fault is it that ANY of us are in this position in the first place, Hiram?!" She seethed. "Last time I checked I wasn't allowed in her presence!"

"You bitch! Coming into my house. Blaming it all on me." The man spat. They were face to face now. Shelby had to strain her head up, but she would be damned if she backed away from Hiram now. "It's so easy for a woman who was so quickly willing to sell her child to put the blame elsewhere, isn't it Shelby?"

_SLAP!_

Hiram held his cheek as Shelby held her hand. She had hit him hard enough to knock the glasses off his face and wondered slightly if her hand was broken or slightly sprained. Regardless, she still felt like doing it again, but was interrupted.

"Enough!" Leroy finally spoke. "Look at us. We should be working together to find our daughter… not arguing amongst ourselves and playing the blame game." Leroy had always been a pacifist. He was most likely who Rachel had learned the trait from.

"You're right Lee." Hiram said hanging his head in defeat and then looking to the angered woman before him. "Shelby, I'm sorry. Can we please begin again?"

Shelby sighed as if blowing away her steam before nodding her agreement. As much as she didn't want to admit it, Leroy was right. Fighting wasn't going to get her the answers she needed to find her daughter. She sat down on the couch causing both the other men to take their respective places on chairs sidelining the coffee table in front of said furniture.

Shelby looked in front of her at the coffee table. It was overwhelmingly littered with papers and maps. She gathered it was the Berry's way of keeping up with their search effort and anything concerning Rachel's retreat.

All was quiet and remained so for minutes until she sighed again. "I just don't see how this all could have happened? Will said she didn't leave a note or anything?" Shelby felt so lost.

"That's not true, actually." Hiram said as Leroy picked up a piece of paper from the coffee table and handed it to Shelby. "She actually left two. She left a small one in Toledo at a friend of our's house and then sent this in the mail from there."

Shelby took the letter with a shaky hand and began to read her daughter's words:

_Dear Dad and Daddy,_

_If you're reading this, then by now you've realized that I am long gone. I'm sorry if any of this causes you pain, but I truly believe you will be happier with out me. Ultimately it was most advantageous for me to just go. _

_I'm sick of the way I'm treated at school. The bullying is worse than I care to even divulge to you. No one likes me. No one respects me. Even in Glee I am only tolerated for my talent. Tolerated, but not appreciated. I feel like Lima has become a disease and it has slowly been killing me from the inside for quite some time. _

_I hope you aren't angry with my decision. You have raised me only to make informed and adult resolutions. I assure you, though it was made in haste, it was not made with out contemplation. I have been very meticulous throughout the whole process._

_This will be best for all of us. The two of you love Ohio and I know you have no wish to move. That's why I had to leave, you see. I didn't want to leave you both behind. You mean so much to me. I don't know what it's like to have friends, but if I did I would think it would be a lot like what the three of us have, at least when you aren't working or off somewhere on your lovely adventures. _

_You both have said, for a while now, that I am grown and do such a wonderful job taking care of myself. This is me doing precisely that. One day when I'm older maybe we can visit each other and reconnect, but for now I must avoid all contact. It really is the only way. At least this way we both get what we need. Unfortunately, however, we no longer get each other. _

_Please know that I do love you both despite my abrupt departure and I do not hold any blame on you. I just can't be there anymore and I don't want you to have to move because of me. I've done away with my laptop and left my cell phone back in Toledo (as you may already know) so it won't do you any good to try and contact me. Do not look for me either. When the time is right, I will find you._

_ Love Always,_

_Rachel Barbra Berry*_

_P.S. I have included your spare key to Uncle Walter's home in Toledo.__I know I left a note, but please thank him again for the unwarranted use of his home and car during my stay._

"This is…" Shelby began. The words however became stuck in her throat.

"I know." Hiram said. "It's heartbreaking to know that I failed my daughter so much that she couldn't come to me with her hurts and fears." As the man began to cry into his hands, Leroy vacated his seat in favor of supporting his once strong husband.

"We notified the police immediately, but the search was futile. Once we received the letter and they learned she was a runaway… all efforts stopped. They told us if she pinged on their radar they would let us know. The only hope that they could offer us was that her name and description was entered into a national database for runaway youth. If anyone reports seeing her, or if she is arrested for any reason, would be the only way the police would bring her to us. Even then they will most likely just hold her until we can retrieve her."

"That's… that's horrible." Shelby said another tear escaping her eye. She had no idea the police did so little concerning runaways.

Hiram nodded. "Her last known whereabouts is in Toledo. Though we think she's gone to New York. It's feasible. She had a very large sum of money in her bank account which she withdrew just before she left."

Shelby watched as Leroy's hand squeezed Hiram's shoulder. "We went to New York on our own after searching Toledo… took turns camping out different places we thought she might visit. Unfortunately we exhausted our vacation time. I wish we had never gone on those damn cruises." Hiram nodded along with Leroy's last statement.

"She was always such an independent child. We were actually stupid enough to believe she didn't really need us… that she was ok with us not being around some of the time. She was so mature… so we ended up treating her as more of a counterpart rather than our little girl." Hiram punched the chair exasperated at himself and stood up again walking out of the room.

"We don't know what else to do." Leroy sorrowfully stated watching as the other Berry left the room. "We don't want to give up. We can't. So every day one of us has off we go back to New York, but we just haven't had any luck. If she's there… she's well hidden."

Shelby sat there in the still quiet for a while contemplating this new information. It was all just so… surreal. Her fifteen year old daughter was possibly alone somewhere in New York City. God only knows what's happened to her. Shelby herself knew of the struggle one could have while there alone and with no reoccurring income to boot. Anyone could take advantage of her daughter and no one would know. The thought terrified her.

When Hiram came back into the room with a stack of papers she turned her attention to him. "I know it's a little too late." He said handing over the papers. "But if you care about her enough to find us and then confront us, you care about her enough to have this."

Shelby reached for the papers. It was the contract. The damn contract that legally kept her from her child all these years. She didn't understand.

"Tear it up." Hiram said reading her confusion. "If we ever find her… When, when we find her," He corrected himself. "We want her to know her mother. She needs us all more than ever."

She immediately ripped the papers into shreds. It felt tremendously gratifying. "Thank you." She said to both men. "I do have a suggestion… Though I'd rather do it with your blessing, I'm letting you know now that I'll also do it without."

"What is it?" Leroy asked. Both men looked curiously at her.

"I'm moving to New York to start a vocal and dance studio. Small town life just isn't for me and I'm honestly exhausted with show choirs. A friend of mine is already there and we have purchased a building together. I originally planned to leave after meeting Rachel and then Nationals, but with recent events… learning Rachel might be in New York… Well, I intend to leave immediately."

"Shelby are you offering what I think you're offering?" Leroy asked. His voice was filled with such hope.

She nodded. "I will search every day. I'll look in every gas station, residence, warehouse, store, museum, theatre, tourist spot, diner and doghouse that I come across. I don't care how long it takes. I will find her."

Surprising her, both men leave from their spots in order to take her in their arms. She can feel the tears running down their cheeks into her hair and on to her face. It doesn't surprise her anymore that her own tears have also fallen.

Before leaving Shelby grills the men about every detail known of her daughter and promises to call as soon as she finds or even hears any word on Rachel. She's not really sure how she feels about the men, but they are still Rachel's fathers. On one hand she wants to hate them for being so blind; on the other hand she pities them because they are so obviously distraught over Rachel's disappearance.

She decides, however, to focus on neither. She isn't doing this to for them. She's doing this because she needs to find her daughter. Call her selfish all you want, but she won't be bothered to care. She needs her daughter in her life and obviously her daughter needs her as well.

On the drive home she calls back into the Carmel office. She had taken a rare, if not non existent, sick day, but was now asking for a meeting with the principal. Dr. Wyatt could hate her until the end of time, where Shelby was concerned. Her assistant, Dustin Goolsby, was trained and ready to take her position. Vocal Adrenaline not only knew their Regionals routine, but their Nationals routine as well. They were a well oiled machine and she had no doubt that they would garner wins on both events.

Her time as a show choir director was over the moment her daughter became the most important thing in her life. The moment she realized some one actually needed her. Not her talent, not her body, but her everything. She had always longed to be a mother to her little girl. She just never really thought she would get the opportunity. Now that she had a chance… she was going to take it.

It didn't take Shelby long to pack up everything she owned in her small Akron apartment. She had been packing for weeks really in preparation for the move. All there was left to do was to rent a U-Haul for the drive and hand over her car to VA's boosters (she had no desire to keep it as she wouldn't be needing it in the big city). She planned on doing this as soon as she taped up the last box.

Once she had everything packed into the U-Haul she would drop off her keys with the landlord and leave immediately. She didn't care about long winded goodbyes to children who saw her as nothing but their ticket to the top. Even her prize horse, St. James, didn't matter anymore and she was probably the closest to him out of all of her students in the group. Perhaps she should care more, but she was on a mission. Every moment that passed without looking for Rachel was a moment wasted.

She called her business partner, her former college roommate, when she was half the distance there notifying the woman of her early arrival. She knew it would be fine. They had already purchased a building anyway and had most of the preliminaries done. Just some remodeling here and there with some other cosmetic changes and they would be up and running. She had never been more thankful that located above their studio was a set of apartments. At least she had somewhere to go.

When she was officially settled into her New York apartment she began working simultaneously on two things: getting her studio ready for business and finding her daughter. Shelby hadn't lied to the Berry men when she had said she would look everywhere. She started close to her own home in Manhattan and then began to slowly branch out.

She checked the tourist sites such as the Empire State Building, Times Square and the Statue of Liberty. She asked around Macy's and all of the theatre's on Broadway. Every day was a new place… every day drew no luck. The task was highly daunting, but Shelby refused to give up.

She kept a notebook chronicling her search. There was a map on a cork board in her home of the five Burroughs that had pins stuck in every location she had been to already. She kept multiple pictures the Berry's had given her on hand as well a detailed description of things Rachel liked. Every once in a while she would pull them out and read them all over again.

Rachel was obsessed with Broadway and dreamt of starring in a musical one day. She was a huge fan of Barbra Streisand. She was vegan. She loved gold stars. The list went on and on. Each time Shelby read it, it astonished her how much she had in common with her daughter. She smiled thinking of nature possibly winning over nurture when concerning her child.

Before she knew it, a month had passed with out so much as Shelby hearing a word. She was sure she had exhausted all of Manhattan in her search and so she began branching out into the other Burroughs.

On the business end of things, they were getting ready to open and already had an impressive cliental lined up. It's just that with the opening came less time to search and the worried mother almost came to dread the big day.

Shelby found herself at an impasse. She had a need to find her daughter but she also needed her business in order to stay afloat in the high priced metropolis. It was a slippery slope if there ever was one. Whichever side she fell down could make or break her endeavors.

Shelby really didn't have much of a choice when the day finally came. She would have to reduce the time spent looking for her missing girl so that in the long run she was left able to still look at all. She both hated herself and accepted the reasoning as her only hope. All Shelby could wish for now was that she find her daughter soon.


	7. Chapter Six

**A/N: To answer a guest's question about getting the NYPD involved: **

**According to my research, runaway cases are usually not considered a primary concern unless the media gets involved or there is a large public demand. The police focus most of their resources on anti-terrorism, high priority cases, and violent crimes. Not to mention budget problems that cause them to have a lack of resources. They will start off with a missing persons case but it's not like there would be a man hunt going on. They have a lot of passion for finding these missing children, but sadly they just don't have the funds or even the staff when they are being pressured to focus on other things. Even a missing persons unit is not going to drop their current cases to put Rachel's at the top unless she is considered high profile and she wouldn't be.**

**In concerning this story in particular: the NYPD has been notified (by the Berry's) but are not actively looking for her because it isn't a high profile case (in other words she is a file on a desk somewhere in the midst of tons of other files). That's where it came in that Leroy said they would let her know if she pinged on their radar. Same goes for Toledo and Lima. The Berry's or Shelby could hire a private investigator to help them out... if the person is reputable they could have some luck, but this isn't going to happen in the story. Never fear though... Rachel won't be "missing" for too long. :)**

**I hope that clears some things up. I'm always willing to answer any questions you guys have with the story. Hopefully in doing so I don't give out too many spoilers though for those of you who don't want that lol. As always, thanks for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following!**

* * *

**CHAPTER SIX**

_"Runaway But It Always Seems The Same"_

Rachel's nightmares were getting worse. She had been living in New York for five months to the date and yet things still didn't feel better. Was she away from the persecution? Yes, at least physically. Mentally the repercussions were haunting.

She found it hard to breathe around groups of teenagers, making simple things like visiting Central Park or shopping areas harder for her. She was paranoid those groups would come after her. Especially if those in the groups wore a lot of red and white.

She was now highly sensitive of smell. Any time her nostrils caught a whiff of a trash receptacle, she would suddenly feel claustrophobic. She would have to close her eyes and hum musical scores. Sometimes it took picturing an entire symphony along with her humming to break her out of the panic.

She hated it. Hated what her past had done to her. Hated that she couldn't move past it yet.

Maybe it was the fact that she still didn't feel safe. Could that be what was torturing her so? That she lived in constant fear of being found and taken back home?

That fear led her to avoid eye contact with the NYPD at all costs. She wouldn't turn and run when she saw an officer because it would cause suspicion but if there was a nearby boutique she would slide into it. Once she had even found herself ducking into a McDonald's. A McDonald's! The vegan in her was horrified when she realized where she was.

Jobs hadn't come easy either. She found that she had forgotten one intricate detail about changing her identity: she didn't have a Social Security number to use to garner employment. She was more than afraid of finding one to steal so she had to look for employers that were willing to hire her and pay her under the table. She also knew that that was tax evasion, but she needed the work. Maybe when she was famous she could pay the government back?

She had tried working with several different types of businesses to no avail. Rachel started off working with street vendors. Those never lasted. She would always suggest that they try vegan alternatives and they would always call her crazy, which she was offended by, causing her to quit. It wasn't like they were paying her enough to live off of anyway.

She tried janitorial and housekeeping services next, but then there was the smell of the trash that she had to empty into the dumpsters behind the businesses causing the constant panic attacks. Since that hadn't worked out, she attempted to gain work with some of the boutiques she passed by every day, but was turned away. That was actually the case at most places she went.

After being laughed at by a bunch of chauvinistic window washers, Rachel was almost ready to give up. Some of the people she had met in New York weren't much different than the people in Lima. She was just a girl who wanted a job? Did it mean that she deserved to be humiliated for it?

_"Look Jew nose, how bout tryin' somewheres else?"_

_"I ain't got time to try and teach ya the job, baby. Either ya can do it or ya can't. If ya can't, ya might as well be out with the trash."_

_"What are you, seven?"_

Rachel walked into her building after a long day of searching for work without success and quickly tried to sneak past the Morretti's. She wasn't in the mood to talk. At least with them. Right now all she wanted was to curl up on her bed with Tony and watch Barbra in 'A Star is Born.' Unfortunately, she wasn't so lucky as she was busted by Mrs. Moretti.

"Hey Joanie! How's the job hunt goin'?" Sheila called after her. Rachel wondered why the woman couldn't just leave her be this time? Just once she would like to come home to anything, but an interrogation. She wondered briefly if this was what it was like to have parents or grandparents that actually paid attention to her. She dismissed the idea, though, as she was too irritated at the moment to give it any further thought.

"Hi Mrs. Moretti." Rachel said slumping her shoulders and turning around to go back down the stairs. "No, I still haven't procured employment. I don't have any experience so most people seem unwilling to take a chance by hiring me." It wasn't a complete lie. Rachel felt like even if she could use her Social Security number she would have just as much trouble.

Sheila felt sorry for the girl. She really did. The country was in an economic downfall. Even with employment up, it was a rough market out there. She wished she could help a little more, but she and Marty didn't really need help in the shop. Still, Sheila didn't like seeing the young girl so down in spirits. "Ya know what ya need, Joans?" Sheila asked.

"What's that Mrs. Moretti?" Rachel tried hard to hide the contempt in her voice. She was unsuccessful.

Sheila shook it off. Most kids were disrespectful anyway. Though she was certain this attitude she was getting was more from exhaustion and disappointment. The girl was normally so polite and upbeat. "Ya needs something to distracts ya." At Sheila's words, without warning, Rachel was propelled into a memory she did not want to relive.

_"You need something to distract from your horrible personality. Most of the time I find it hard to be in the same room with you."_

Taking a shaky breath, Rachel found herself rippled with confusion. Her memories were sometimes so vivid, so real, that she had a hard time determining what was reality. In order to get a handle on things Rachel responded to Sheila with a very ineloquent, "Huh?"

"I saids ya needs a distraction. Ya know? From not finding yer job yet?" Mrs. Moretti looked at her strangely. The girl didn't look well. She was pale as a ghost and her breathing was ragged at best. Maybe she should ask about her eating habits?

Sheila shook the thought away. Later. She would ask later. She knew she had a tendency to meddle, but she just couldn't help it. There was something about this kid that made her want to care more than she should. "Have ya tried the theatre?"

At the very word, Rachel felt her whole world come together. Why hadn't she thought of that? Why hadn't she been to any shows yet? She had some extra cash. If she budgeted right, she might even be able to work in a weekly visit. This was perfect! Just what she needed as motivation to double her efforts in finding work! It was like taking a breath of fresh air; something that was hard to come by living where she did.

"Mrs. Moretti, that is a wonderful idea! I think I'll do just that." Rachel said as she started to go back up the stairs.

"Yeah yeah. Yous kids today. Use what God gaves ya! That's what I says." Sheila said pointing to her head. It was too late though, the girl was already too far up the stairs to see her. Sheila shook her head and chuckled. Marty had been right during their conversation two months ago, Joanie did remind her of their daughter, Laura.

Rachel quickly ran up to her apartment ready to look up the current shows on Broadway. Forgotten was the cuddling. Forgotten was Barbra in 'A Star is Born.' Forgotten was Tony. Except Tony... well he wasn't going to be forgotten now was he?

When Rachel opened her door she was greeted by quite a dreadful site. Rachel gasped in horror. There was Tony sitting right in the middle of her floor with three dead mice.

"Tony! What have you done?" Rachel fussed as she dropped to her knees in front of the cat and mice. "You poor little things."

Tony purred up to her seemingly proud of himself. "No! You don't get to be rewarded for this. These were innocent lives, Tony! Little teeny tiny innocent lives." Rachel sighed as the cat continued to beg for a scratch behind the ear.

"What am I going to do with you, Tony?" She said picking him up and kissing him on the head. "You can't kill. It's wrong ok?" Rachel placed the cat on her bed and then went to the closet. In there she found a shoebox with some new flats she hadn't worn yet. She took the shoes out of the box and then went into the kitchen to put on her disposable cleaning gloves. She was going to bury the mice. It was the least she could do.

Once the mice were in place, Rachel went downstairs into Marty's part of the workshop. Sheila watched her curiously and being unable to help herself followed the girl in. "Mr. Moretti?" Rachel asked the man who was tinkering with a dvd player.

"Yeah?" He asked without looking up. "What can I do yous for?"

Rachel smiled. She liked Marty. "I was wondering if I could borrow a shovel?"

"What in heavens do ya need a shovel for?" Sheila asked from behind Rachel causing the girl to roll her eyes. Of course Mrs. Moretti was going to be nosey.

"I would like to bury these mice." Rachel stated plainly and gesturing to the box in her hand. It wasn't until Mr. Moretti turned around that she smiled again.

"Why would ya bury em, dear, when ya can just put em out in the dumpster?" Rachel blanched at the man's words. Though his tone was soft and curious, she just couldn't fathom throwing away a life. That or going near a dumpster.

"These mice were once living creatures, Mr. Moretti, they deserve to be treated with respect." Rachel said with conviction. "I want to give them a proper funeral."

While Sheila was petrified of such a ridiculous notion, Marty just smiled and grabbed the shovel he kept with some other tools in the corner of the shop. "Good 'nough for me."

The girl before him reminded him a lot of his Laura. She had meant the world to him. Since her death things hadn't been the same. But for the first time in a long time, he didn't feel so lost.

Rachel and Marty headed out to a place just at the corner of the very small backyard. There wasn't anything special about it. It was just ground, but it would still make a fine resting place for the fallen rodents. After Marty dug the hole for Rachel, she placed the shoebox inside.

"May you rest in peace." Rachel said as a single tear fell down her face. "May there be fields of golden grain and rooms filled to the brim with peanut butter."

"Amen." Marty said with a nod as he began to cover up the box with dirt. When he was finished, Rachel looked up at the man and felt overwhelmed with emotion.

"I'm going to hug you now." She said before wrapping him in the tightest hug he had had since the last time he had seen his grandchildren. "Thank you." Rachel said before pulling away.

The man simply nodded not knowing what to say. Sometimes he had found it was just better not to say anything at all. People didn't always need words.

Sheila rolled her eyes as the two walked through the shop door. "If you's bury mice, what do you do with the spiders?"

"I capture them and set them free of course." Rachel said not missing a beat. She was a vegan. She had morals and she lived by them.

Mrs. Moretti shook her head yet again. "Yer one of those kids huh?" She chortled. "Have fun with that carnivore of a cat ya got."

Rachel's eyes widened. "Tony eats cat food, Mrs. Moretti." The girl stated plainly.

"And what do ya think they put in that cat food?" The older woman barked out with a purpose. "Kids these days. Use that noggin' Joanie. You's got it for a reason!"

Sheila and Marty began to go about their business again as Rachel just stood there and contemplated what Mrs. Moretti had just said. Her landlord couldn't be right. She just couldn't. However, there was only one way to find out.

Rachel stormed up the steps to her apartment and went straight for the cat food. Tony came running behind her when the bag was rattled, no doubt excited for supper. Rachel read the ingredients on the bag of Meow Mix Indoor Formula and did not like what she saw.

"Chicken by product meal, turkey by product meal, salmon meal, fish meal… animal digest?" Rachel felt sick. Was this what she thought it was? She went over to her computer and consulted her trusty friend Google, he would know the answer.

"Poultry by product meal is made from grinding clean, rendered parts of poultry carcasses…" Rachel shuddered. She didn't need to read anymore. Except… except she really wanted to know what animal digest was… even if the thought made her want to faint.

"Animal digest is un-decomposed animal tissue consisting of hair, horns, teeth, hooves and feathers." She read aloud before slamming her MacBook shut. She took the bag of food and threw it into the trash. She couldn't believe she had been buying that crap all along. She felt horrible. How could she do this to those poor defenseless animals?

Tony meowed as he pawed at the trash can. "No Tony!" Rachel scolded pointing a finger at him. "We do not eat other animals in this house… apartment… room thingy. Oh, you know what I mean!" Tony looked up at Rachel with those soft emerald greens and she melted.

"To-ny." Rachel whined picking the feline up. "You understand right?" She cradled him as she began to scratch his belly. "I'm vegan. I don't eat anything that's come from an animal. Nor do I allow them any type of harm… this," she said stopping her ministrations and pointing to the cat food. "This goes against everything I believe in." Tony purred in response as Rachel began to scratch his stomach again. It was clear the conversation was lost on the feline causing Rachel to sigh. "Don't worry, baby boy. I'll find you something to eat."

Rachel kissed the top of Tony's head again before placing the cat on her bed and grabbing her computer. She quickly opened it and closed out of Safari. She didn't need to see that definition anew. Once her internet browser was up showing the Google logo again, Rachel went to the only website she knew for certain could help- PETA.

Rachel was relieved to find that there were vegan alternatives for cats. Apart from making it herself and adding supplements, she could could also buy it. She didn't know what would be easiest so she decided to try both.

After saving some pages of recipes, Rachel decided to search for the dry food that she could buy. She found a place called Trixie's Pet Food & Supplies that was in another part of Brooklyn and sold Wysong Vegan cat food. Tomorrow she would go there and pick some up. She was still a little discouraged that even when buying the dry food she would have to supplement Tony's food in order for him to get enough protein. She would do it, however, if it meant saving some other animals life as well.

Rachel looked over at the content cat laying on her bed. "You are so not going to be happy with me from now on." She sighed as she got up from the bed to go start dinner. "Looks like we're both having veggie burgers tonight with some soy milk on the side." Rachel said to Tony as he had followed her into the kitchenette. Tony merely meowed in response.

It took the rest of the week, but Rachel finally seemed to be on Tony's good side again. For a while she wondered if she should find him another home so that he could eat as he wanted in peace, but just as she started to look for no-kill animal shelters he had come back around. Rachel was grateful. Tony was her best friend. She wasn't sure she would make it without him.

Now that Tony was on his new diet and was happy again. Rachel went back to her original idea of visiting the theatre. She pulled out her notebook and began her numbers run so that she could budget in one show a week. At least for now. If she needed to she would cut back later.

She decided that she would go to the matinee showings on Saturday at 2pm. Despite the amount of time Rachel had spent in the city, she still wasn't comfortable with going out alone at night.

She wasn't as naive as people thought she was. She really didn't have any family anymore. The Moretti's maybe were the closest she could come by, but it could even take them a while to notice if she went missing. Rachel knew, of course, that someone could as easily do something to her in broad daylight, but she figured she still had less of a chance of that happening than at night. So by the time sundown came around, Rachel Berry would lock herself indoors.

In addition to seeing the musicals and plays, Rachel decided she was going to keep a scrapbook as well. She would keep every Playbill, every ticket stub, she would take notes, and offer a sound review for each production. Keeping her love for the entertainment industry alive was going to help get her through this. She just knew it.

As Rachel entered the Gershwin Theatre for the first time, she nearly cried. The building alone was breathtaking. Not to mention she was finally going to see 'Wicked' and not the bootleg version she had at home either. She was going to see the real deal.

Rachel closed her eyes and spun around the aisle before taking her seat. She didn't care if people laughed at her or called her names. One day it would be her up on that stage; her name in lights.

When she became a star, they were all going to regret every last thing they ever did to her. She would be on stage performing to sold out crowds. They would be watching from the audience wishing they could be her.

Rachel couldn't wait for the day she turned eighteen so that she could start auditioning and making a name for herself on The Great White Way. Living alone for the next three or so years would be a small price to pay, but it was a price she was most definitely prepared for. Her dream was all she had now.


	8. Chapter Seven

**A/N:** **SO... I need to apologize to you guys because I hadn't caught my mistake until now. Rachel's alternate identity is JOANIE (Joan-nee) SANDS. Not Joannie which can be confused as a misspelling of Joanne (Jo-Ann). Sorry if it caused any confusion. That was my fault completely and hopefully this clears it up. I have also gone back in the previous chapters and changed it to what it was supposed to be! The pseudonym is actually important *hint hint* lol. Also, I know I am a day early with this post, but I am changing my update day from Thursday to Wednesday. My Thursday's have been hectic lately and I think moving the update day will help out a lot. Thanks again to you all for reading, reviewing, favoriting or following! You are all awesome! :)**

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

_"This Time I Have Really Led Myself Astray"_

Rachel tossed and turned in her sleep as the dream she was having was so realistic, it completely took over all of her senses. The movement even awakened Tony who decided to flee underneath the bed to avoid injury. This happened more often than not, though the dreams weren't always remembered.

_She was walking down the hall at McKinley. All she wanted to do was get to class, but the jocks refused to leave her alone today. "Hey Berry, what was it like working on the Lord of the Rings?" One of the neanderthals called out to her. She wanted to point out that he resembled another character from the movie himself, an Orc, but she chose to ignore him._

_"So Midget I was wondering… when you stop to smell the flowers, do you have to stand on your toes?" Two more jocks walk up to her giving each other high fives at the joke. Her retort, should she have used it, would have been to ask him when he bent down to pick up the flowers were they wilted from his lack of using soap, but she keeps walking. Just a few more steps and she'll be in her History class and away from bumbling barbarians._

_"Headband's Anonymous called, they're kicking you out. Guess you're too much of a loser even for them." She might would have asked how Headband's Anonymous had his phone number if she were braver. Alas, she chose not to respond. In the end it would be better for her._

_She was surrounded now. She hadn't even realized it before. She looks to her left and sees a bunch of cheerleaders laughing. No escape there. She looks to the right toward her fellow gleeks, but they just look away. She's trapped._

_"Ready for your Five Star Slushy Salute, Man Hands?" She barely has enough time to close her eyes before five ice cold blended beverages hit her from different directions. Laughter fills the hall. She slips and slides as the students make enough room for her to run to the bathroom. She's thankful that she had enough balance not to fall from the wetness on the floor._

_She enters the nearest bathroom, but she isn't alone. She's followed by the laughing cheerleaders. "Need a hand, Treasure Trail?" One asks before shoving her into one of the stalls and pushing her head into the toilet. She panics. She hates this part of her day more than anything else. _

_They flush the toilet over and over. Then the flushing stops, but her head is still underwater. She fights them, but she is barely let up for air before she is forced down again. She's drowning and for a moment she thinks she'll die. 'This is it.' She tells herself. 'It's finally going to be over.' She welcomes the end with open arms. She's too tired to care anymore._

When Rachel wakes she's hysterical. She bolts up out of her bed as quickly as possible. She can't breathe.

She sits on the floor and pulls her knees up to her chest, rocking as she tries to focus on inhaling and exhaling. She tries to sing, but the words escape her. She begins to hum, but finds she can't even concentrate enough for that. This is the first time music hasn't help.

Rachel closes her eyes, but all she can see is water. All she can feel is liquid rushing into her lungs. She's trying desperately to pull herself together, but it just isn't happening.

She closes her eyes again. This time she refuses to see water. She pictures a room, much like her old one back in Lima. She's sitting on her bed. No, she's sitting at a mirror, brushing her hair. A woman, an older version of herself, walks in. She takes over the brushing for Rachel.

They talk about musicals, and boys. They talk about the shopping trip they have planned for the weekend and giving each other makeovers just for fun. Rachel asks the woman if she'll teach her how to sew and the woman readily agrees. She would do anything for Rachel. Rachel can almost hear her voice… it sounds almost like hers except… something's different. She can't quite place the difference, but it's just enough to distinguish between the two of them.

The way the woman carry's herself makes Rachel awestruck. Without even having to say so the woman lets her know that she'll never be alone. Her imaginary self has never looked up to someone so much in her life as her mother. The thought brings her crashing back into her reality.

Her mother- a woman she's never known, but has always longed to know. A woman who when she asked her father's about her was denied the answers she craved. _"She was just a woman that we paid to have our child." _Her daddy would say. A woman that might as well not exist, at least in Rachel's reality.

Rachel's breathing calms, but tears spring to her eyes. What good does wishing and wanting do anymore? "Don't dwell on something you'll never have." She whispers angrily at herself. She gets up off the floor and decides there is no use in sleeping anymore. She'll just go ahead and get ready for the day.

As lunch time rolls around, she hears her phone's text tone go off. She opens up the message and smiles when she sees that Rhonda is in Bushwick and wants to meet her at a local restaurant called The Salad Wheel. Rachel had been there before and was glad Rhonda chose it as it had excellent vegan options. Rachel sends her a quick message back letting Rhonda know she was leaving the apartment now.

Maybe this is what she needed? Maybe she just needs to get out? Spend time with people. She shudders at the thought… people… 'As long as they aren't my own age.' She thinks to herself. She wonders sometimes if she'll ever be able to be around teenagers again.

It doesn't take Rhonda and Rachel long to get their food. The place isn't that crowded today, where as it normally is, and Rachel is thankful for that. School's out now so she's seeing more and more teenagers around. She wonders if the new prolonged exposure will make things better or worse for her.

The pleasantness doesn't last, though, as Rhonda begins asking Rachel questions about her past… about her family. It happens every time they hang out which isn't all that much, but every time Rachel quickly finds a way to change the subject.

Rachel rapidly brushes off Rhonda's questions, wanting to avoid the subject all together as usual. She tells Rhonda she's from a small town and that it was nothing special. Then she tells her she doesn't have any family.

Rhonda takes pity on her after that. She doesn't want to push the girl. She doesn't know if not having any family means they are dead or disowned. Still, she's worried about her. Rhonda notices the bags under her eyes and that she's losing weight. The girl in front of her is far from the girl she met back in December.

Rhonda invites her to dinner with her friends and though Rachel really wants to say yes, she says she'll think about it. She tells Rhonda she really needs to focus on finding a job right now over spending money. Rhonda understands.

The two part, but not before Rhonda gives Rachel a hug. Rachel is taken by surprise because no one has ever gone out of their way to hug her before. Normally she initiates a hug because she craves the human contact like none other. Rachel smiles as she leaves the restaurant, despite the bit of questioning she received, it wasn't an all around bad outing. Maybe it's a sign that today will be a good day.

When she makes it back to her building and up the stairs, she finds Marty standing at her door knocking. Next to his feet is a rather large cardboard box. She hasn't ordered anything online so surely whatever it is must be his.

"Hi, Mr. Moretti." She calls out. The man is startled for a moment. He chuckles quietly causing Rachel to smile.

"Hello there Joanie. I didn't hear ya come up behind me." He says with one of the biggest grins Rachel has ever seen on his face.

"Sorry, Mr. Moretti. I didn't mean to startle you. Is there something I can help you with?" Rachel asks.

"Oh, I was just stopping by to drop this off for ya." The man gestures to the box and then bends down to pick it up. "I saw it in the thrift store and thought of ya."

Rachel quickly opens the door and wonders what's in the box. "Mr. Moretti you shouldn't have." She says even though the prospect of a gift thrills her.

"Eh, it was nothing really. Just thought ya'd like it." He shrugs walking inside her small apartment.

He places the box down and then pulls out an old record player. Rachel's eyes widened. She had one almost like it in Lima. She had wanted to bring it with her, but it would be too much to travel with.

"Mr. Moretti, it's beautiful." She states. Marty smiles pleased with himself.

"I knew ya'd like it. It's gotta built in speaker and I, ah, picked up these vinyls as well. Music how it's meant to be heard- right here." The man said handing her three records and then tapping the old player.

"These are all Barbra! How did you know?" Rachel squeals out, taking the vinyls from him.

Marty laughs. "Kinda hard not to know when I can hears ya sing at night. Most of the stuff I hear is Streisand. Ya must really like her."

Rachel blushes. The Moretti's have never said anything about her singing so she assumed they didn't hear her. But she was okay with the fact that she was wrong to assume such things because it doesn't seem to bother them in any way.

"I do." Rachel says speaking of Barbra. "She's wonderful." She says in amazement as she looks over 1964's _The Second Barbra Streisand Album_, 1966's _Color Me Barbra_, and 1973's _Barbra Streisand and Other Musical Instruments. _"This is really too much, Mr. Moretti."

"Nah," the man says. "I gots it from the thrift store. Next to nothing really." Marty says brushing the act off. "Ya know how to work it?"

Rachel nods as she sets up the record player. She places one of the vinyls on and closes her eyes as Barbra croons to _Any Place I Hang My Hat Is Home_. Rachel can't help, but find herself singing along. "Free and easy, that's my style. Howdy do me? Watch me smile…"

Marty moves to leave the girl who is rapidly getting lost in her element. He doesn't tell her that the reason why he decided to do this for her is because it's the anniversary of his daughter's death and he wanted to honor her memory by spreading a little happiness around. No, the girl didn't need to know that. As he opens the door to leave he remembers one last thing he did want to tell her. "Hey Joanie."

Rachel looks up. She turns to him smiling. "Yeah?"

"I gots this buddy that runs a diner called Alfie's. Why don't ya's go down there, ask for Alfred Lewis and tell him I sent ya? He may need some extra help."

Rachel is overjoyed. Not only has this man been completely and utterly selfless by buying her a gift for no reason, he is also trying to help her find work. She runs over to Marty and hugs him without warning.

"Thank you for everything." She says into the mans chest. She pulls away and looks up to him with a beaming mega-watt smile.

"Eh, it's nothing kid." He shrugs again. He leaves her be with that and goes back into his apartment to his wife, Sheila. They had closed the shop today so that they could spend time together and remember the good times they had before their daughter was ripped away from them at such a young age.

Rachel closed her door as she sang along to the record. "Cross the river, round the bend. Howdy stranger. So long friend. There's a voice in the lonesome wind, keeps a whisperin' roam!" She rushed over to Tony and picked him up to dance with him on the last notes. No one could take away her joy in that moment if they had tried.

Rachel went over to her closet when the song was over. She would change out of her jeans and head down to the diner immediately. Today seemed like it was her day. She couldn't just waste luck like that.

Before leaving her place, Rachel picks up Tony again and kisses him on the head, "Wish me luck, baby boy!" She says excitedly. Her excitement grows when Tony meows in response so she kisses him once more. She hasn't had this much energy in… she isn't quite sure how long.

Rachel heads down the stairs and out the door of her building. She turns to her right to make her way the three blocks down to Alfie's Diner. She was thankful that she did actually know where it was. She has passed by it numerous times on her way to the subway.

She had never been into Alfie's before, but she knew it couldn't be any worse than working for those awful street venders. Not to mention, if she was honest with herself, she needed to take this job if she could get it. She would have to set aside her differences this time. It was that or go back to Ohio, something she desperately didn't want to do.

The first thing Rachel noticed when she walked into the business was that it wreaked of grease. Rachel turned up her nose, but she could get used to the smell. At least it wasn't reminiscent of rotting trash.

The second thing she noticed was that it had a 50s diner feel. Almost like an old soda shop. She liked that. Even the waitress' uniforms were vintage. She could use this as acting experience!

"Excuse me." Rachel says to the waitress standing at the counter behind the register. The woman didn't look up as she counted through the money the man beside Rachel had given her.

The waitress handed the man his change and then looked over to Rachel. "Yeah? What ya need?"

Rachel smiled politely though she thought the woman to be a tad rude with her tone. "I need to speak with Alfred Lewis. Is he in today?"

"Ya mean Al?" The woman laughed at Rachel's formality. Rachel nodded. "Yeah, he's always here. Out back in the kitchen. Go ahead." The waitress nodded at the swinging door behind her.

Rachel reluctantly went around to where the doors stood. It said _Staff Only_ above the entrance, but clearly the staff didn't care. Beyond the door Rachel noticed the small kitchen area and only one cook which she could gather must be Alfred.

"Mr. Lewis?" Rachel said timidly to the man flipping burgers on the stove. She frowned at the action, but reminded herself she needed this job.

"Name's Al." The rather large man with graying light brown hair said. His accent wasn't distinctly Brooklyn giving Rachel the impression he had moved here once upon a time.

"Excuse me. I apologize Mr. Alfred." Rachel said trying to lose some of the formalities. She couldn't part with all of it however. Not at the moment at least.

Al rolled his eyes. Then looked down at the girl before him. "Whatcha want, kid?"

"Well I was wondering if perhaps you had any employment opportunities…" Rachel began. She was cut off though.

"Sorry kid. No can do." Al said after taking a good look at Rachel.

"Please Mr. Alfred. Marty Moretti sent me here and said you might need some assistance. I really need a job and…" Rachel was interrupted again.

Alfred let out a long sigh. "Marty sent you huh?" Al really doesn't think this girl has what it takes for the restaurant business, but he does owe Marty a favor.

"Yes, Mr. Moretti is my landlord and we were talking earlier and he said for me to come down here and tell you that he sent me. Please, Mr. Alfred. I can be a hard worker. I'll do any job you want me to do. I need this." Rachel begs.

"Alright." Al says with some hesitation. "I'll hire you for $80 a week- all under the table mind you. Those damn regulation changes are killing me. We are a little short staffed now that Lola quit so you'll work four hour shifts Tuesday through Sunday with a double shift on Sunday. Your tips are all yours. Take it or leave it."

Rachel quickly did the math in her head. If she made at least $50 in tips in a shift she would make $430 a week. That would be $1720 a month. She would have to work her charm plum dry to ensure she got those tips and she may even have to find a way to cut some corners every so often, but it could be enough to pay her bills.

"I'll take it." She says enthusiastically. She looked up at Alfred who seemed surprised, but then turned back around to his burgers.

"Be here tomorrow morning at 7:45. We'll work everything else out then." The man said dismissing her.

"Thank you so much Mr. Alfred." Rachel said wanting to give the man a hug. She thought better of it though.

"It's Al. No more of this Mr. Alfred or Lewis stuff, you hear me?" The man's tone was chastising, but Rachel could see a slight smile.

"Okay, AL." She said emphasizing the man's nickname with a smile. "I'll be here tomorrow morning."

Rachel left the diner finally feeling like things were going her way. She had a job now. She could stay in the city. She wouldn't be going back to that midwestern prison of a town. Life was good.


	9. Chapter Eight

**A/N: Here's another update for you wonderful readers, reviewers, followers, and favoriters (yay for new words right?)! Guess who's back next chapter? :)**

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

_"Here I Am Just Drowning In The Rain"_

_"You look like a sad clown hooker."_

"No." Rachel said to herself in the small bathroom in Alfie's at the brief memory trying to surface. "I will not let my past get to me today." Rachel willed the recollection away. She needed to focus.

She nodded to herself and then looked into the mirror again from her perch on a folding chair. She had pulled the chair into the room in order to be able to use the small mirror over the sink as a makeshift full length.

Her uniform was at least a size too big, maybe even two, but it would have to do for this morning. She was thankful for the apron, at least that kept her from looking as if she were wearing a tent. She rolled her eyes when she realized the stripes on her attire reminded her of the Ringling Brothers Circus.

"I won't let them get to me today. I have to be strong. I have to make this work." Rachel said once more. Her pep talk seemed to be working.

Rachel jerked her head toward the door when she heard a light knock. "You alright in there, doll?" Rachel smiled at Jackie's faded drawl.

Jackie, whom Rachel had met earlier that morning, was the other waitress working the AM shift at Alfie's. She hailed from Rockingham, North Carolina originally and moved to Brooklyn when she was eighteen to become a dancer. In the fourteen years she had been in New York she hadn't made it at as a dancer, but she had also never looked back. In a way, Rachel found that inspiring.

"Yeah, Jackie. I'm good." Rachel said stepping off the chair. There wasn't much she could do with what she had.

"Good cuz I'm ready for the Double J Breakfast Express." Jackie said smirking at her new little idiom for the morning duo as the door opened in front of her. Jackie's face dropped. "Ugh! Joanie that ain't gonna work."

"It's the smallest one Al has. Believe me, I checked… multiple times." Rachel said with a shrug.

Jackie sighed. "Alright. We'll make do. It's gettin' busy out there. Think you're ready to feed the bears?"

"Bears?" Rachel gulped. She didn't like the foreboding sound of the metaphor.

"Yep. Lions and tigers too." Jackie winked.

"Oh my!" Rachel said as they both laughed at _The Wizard of Oz_ reference. Rachel was glad it was something she didn't have to explain. There were a lot of idiots back in Lima.

"Seriously though, the construction workers just piled in. They've got shit for brains, but they tip good if you flirt. Just don't take anything they say seriously. They tend to get a lil mouthy."

"Noted." Rachel said. She could deal with inappropriate verbosity. She was the queen of letting a phrase slide off her back. She certainly had enough experience in that area.

"You'll do fine. Just try not to mix up the orders too much. It'll piss off the customers and Al. Two things you don't want and remember the secret of success is all in the way you smile."

Jackie flashed her pearly whites before grabbing some coffee mugs off the counter and the pot off one of the warmers. She was taking the right side of the diner leaving Rachel with the left. Rachel took a deep breath before following after Jackie's lead. It was show time.

Two hours in and Rachel felt like a failure. Jackie insisted she was doing okay, but Rachel just couldn't see how fumbling orders, colliding with customers, and being constantly yelled at by Al to "hurry it up" was anywhere near mediocre. Worry evident, Rachel was easily becoming frantic.

"Relax, darlin', it's your first day… on your first real job. Go take a breather and I'll cover for you." Rachel thanked Jackie. She had really lucked out on getting this shift with her. Rachel felt that the girl she had encountered yesterday wouldn't have been so gracious.

She headed out the back door and then ignored the fact that she was facing the dumpster. She couldn't avoid them the rest of her life, but for now she would rather think their existence futile. She closed her eyes and breathed in the smoggy air. It caused her to cough. Maybe deep breaths were a bad idea in such a polluted area?

Rachel shrugged. Did it really matter at this point? At least she was here… in the back alley… of a cheap diner… in northern Brooklyn. BUT! It was only 22 minutes from Flatbush- where Barbra Streisand herself grew up… and roughly 30 minutes (depending on manner of transportation and traffic) into Manhattan. Though she didn't really go there- save her weekly trip to the theatre.

Rachel smiled as she spotted an old rolling chair sitting beside the door, it was probably disgusting if she were to take a good look at it. She didn't though. Instead she was reminded of the reason she had chosen New York in the first place. She was there because this is where her idol hit the big time and this was where she would make it too.

For a moment, in Rachel's imagination, the lot was turned into a stage. Rolling in on the chair was a young Barbra Streisand. NO! A young Rachel Berry in a frumpy black dress with a white collar and cuffs ready for her big debut- a two bit role in _I Can Get It For You Wholesale_- just like Barbra.

Rachel giggled at herself as she rolled the chair around on the asphalt and sang, "Oh, why is it always Miss Marmelstein? Miss Marmelstein? Miss Marmelstein?" And just like Babs, Rachel knew she would steal the show. She was that good.

At least she was going to be that good when she could start auditioning for roles. When she was actually old enough to live on her own and not such a- such a fake. It was a thought that would often depress Rachel. She didn't like lying about who she was. It went against everything she believed in, but it was a necessity. She reminded herself daily that she could not risk being sent back. One day she could shed the facade and become the person she knows she really is. Until then, she was stuck with Joanie Sands. Though she was rather proud of the name.

Before long Rachel's phone alerted her that her break was over and that she needed to get back into the diner quickly. Not before, however, she bowed to her nonexistent audience and rolled off the fictitious stage. Rachel was a professional through and through- well… practicing to be a professional through and through.

The rest of the morning went a little better as Rachel stopped taking the work so seriously and began to let herself enjoy the job. Sure she was just a waitress, but she had to start somewhere. AND when she finally got to write that autobiography one day that she knew would be coming, she would be able to recall this experience as her very first role- waitress Joanie Sands of Alfie's Diner, Bushwick, Brooklyn, New York.

Rachel was glad to find that her day hadn't ended with her being fired. No, her second wind gave her a second chance and she would live to serve another day. Jackie had told her about this seamstress she used often back in her dancing days for costumes and such. So that was where she was now headed, to see Mrs. Wanda Vincent at _A Stitch Called Wanda_.

Rachel opened the door causing the bell to ring and saw an eccentric looking blonde buzzing in and out of the back behind the counter. Without much of glance Rachel watched as the woman grabbed garments here and there placing them in boxes. "I'll be with you in a minute S!" She yelled and then breezed into the back room.

Rachel was confused at being caused S, but maybe it was short for some popular nickname she didn't know about yet. That was always possible. She was never one to be considered a part of the "in" crowd.

Rachel looked around the shop and found pictures of whom she assumed was Wanda, the peculiar blonde she had seen a moment ago, with different people. She even recognized some of the people as Broadway legends… okay… as awesome as that might be- Rachel was now unsure if she could afford Mrs. Vincent.

"Oh dear." The woman said returning and looked at Rachel puzzled. "I'm afraid I had mistaken you for someone else earlier." Wanda shook her head. "I'm Wanda Vincent. Sorry for any confusion. How may I assist you?"

"Joanie Sands." Rachel said. "Jackie… um… shoot I didn't get her last name. Jackie the waitress from Alfie's Diner sent me? I'm new there and my uniforms are rather large."

Wanda smiled. "Ah yes, Jackie Davis. She used to babysit for me back when my children would allow such things." The woman laughed. "Let's get you back here and see what I can do for you?"

Rachel hesitated. Money was going to be tight from now on. "Um… well…"

Rachel didn't have to finish her sentence. Wanda read her like a book. "We can work out pricing later? Especially since Jackie sent you." The woman said with a wink.

"Oh, no Mrs. Vincent. I couldn't let you do that. I mean I can pay. I just…" Rachel began, but was interrupted.

"Honey, I'm not going to do this for free. Nothing's free in this town after all. But let me tell you a wonderful story about a little thing called bartering." Wanda said ushering Rachel to the back room.

It turned out that Wanda's wardrobe room was in desperate need of organization. Something neither Wanda, nor her help had time for at the moment- it was peak season. So while Wanda went ahead and tailored Rachel's uniforms, Rachel got to work putting one of her many skills to use. By evening, Rachel had clothes that didn't make her look like a balloon and Wanda had one pristinely ordered collection.

"A pleasure doing business with you." Wanda said shaking Rachel's hand and handing over her garb. "Please come back and see me sometime."

"Will do." Rachel smiled. "Thanks for helping me out. I appreciate it."

"It was no problem at all. You were a big help yourself. In fact if you ever need any extra work on the side, check with me. I may not have steady work, but sometimes things get crazy around here."

Rachel beamed at the offer. "Of course! Thank you so much Mrs. Vincent."

"Please, call me Wanda. Mrs. Vincent is my mother-in-law." Wanda said with a laugh. Rachel nodded and then left with an extra spring in her step.

All the while, Wanda couldn't get a nagging feeling out of her head. That girl that just left her shop sure looked a lot like one of her frequent customers, Shelby Corcoran. Shelby had also mentioned in passing that she was looking for her daughter, but Wanda distinctly remembered Shelby saying her daughter was just fifteen and named Rachel. This Joanie said she was twenty and Wanda couldn't remember what the girl in the pictures Shelby had brought out one day looked like. It was months ago, for God's sake. Wanda shook the thoughts away- maybe she would call Shelby tomorrow, if she remembered to do so. Then again, she would hate to get Shelby's hopes up only for them to be dashed.

Wanda was at an impasse. Should she call Shelby and get her excited about the possibility of finding her daughter? Should she stop by Alfie's and talk to Joanie first? The phone rang before Wanda could decide what to do next and soon she was as busy as a bee again. Unfortunately, her catch-22 would just have to wait because her client on the line surely wouldn't.

Rachel walked the blocks home with a building excitement she couldn't suppress. Things had been looking up lately. She didn't even remember having a nightmare the night before. Maybe, just maybe, this was her turning point. Rachel skipped up the stairs to her apartment. God knows she needed such a thing.

She opened the door and locked it back upon entering her place. Once inside, Rachel plopped down on her bed next to an undisturbed Tony and cuddled up next to him. She grabbed her laptop and put in _What's Up, Doc?_ With a day like today, she needed to celebrate and what better way to celebrate than with best actress of all time- one Barbra Streisand.

"Don't look at me like that Tony." Rachel said to the cat who she assumed was scowling. "I'll make a Streisand Worshiper out of you yet!" Tony merely meowed and Rachel stuck out her tongue at him.

Cradling him in her arms, as she often did, Rachel began to pet the purring feline that had become her best friend and most trusted confidant. "Even if you don't like Babs, you still love me, right Tony?"

Rachel smiled when he brushed his head against her shoulder. Some may think her silly, but even if just from a cat, acceptance felt good. Actually, for Rachel, a lot of things were feeling very good and she hoped it would only get better from here.


	10. Chapter Nine

**A/N: Here's part of what you've all been waiting for! There is a two month time jump between the last chapter and this one. Thanks, as always, for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following! **

* * *

**CHAPTER NINE**

_"Runaway Train Burning In My Veins"_

"A lot can happen in eight months time." Shelby says out loud to an empty room. She looks up at the map on the cork board full of pins. "Where are you baby girl?"

She sighs. After four straight months of searching, Shelby is tired. She rarely sleeps anymore; averaging three hours a night. She can't get the pictures out of her head. Rachel singing. Rachel dancing. Rachel being bullied. Rachel alone. Rachel wandering the streets. Rachel suffering.

Maybe she didn't see the bullying first hand, but it isn't hard to imagine anymore. In fact, the images plague her. How did no one see? How did the adults in Rachel's life allow this to happen?! Who does those things to sweet girl such as Rachel? Who does those things to anyone?!

The anger always follows her thoughts. She's angry at the Berry's, angry at the faculty of McKinley High, and angry at the students that tortured her little girl. Most of all, she's angry at herself.

Why, in the name of all things that are Holy, would she ever think signing a contract like she had was okay? Why did she EVER think she'd be able to give a birth to a baby and walk away? Why did she walk away? Why didn't she fight for what she wanted? Why didn't she try harder? Why hadn't she…

It was simple. She was a stupid kid. A stupid, stupid kid. From the moment she was born she hadn't cared about anyone that wasn't named Shelby Corcoran.

That is until the first time she felt Rachel kick. The day she felt that tiny little bump, bump, bump. The day she cried her eyes out because a life was growing inside of her… a life she could have no part in because at that point she had already signed the damn contract. That iron clad affidavit that ruined two lives effectively. She was so stupid.

Shelby turned back to her wine bottle pouring yet another glass. It wasn't often that she drank like this, but tonight she found herself up to her head, drowning in self loathing.

She hated herself more than anyone for her part in Rachel's disappearance. Was she not the real cause for it all? If she had been there… would she have… could she have? Shelby groans out in the agony of it all.

She throws back the glass emptying it yet again. She shrugs for no real reason. At least she hadn't turned to tequila this time. She didn't want to think about what damage she could have done if she had.

Morning comes far too soon for the woman as she is rudely interrupted from slumber; not by her alarm- no, by much much worse. "Wake up Corky Ramano!" Shelby hears the loud bellowing shout as she is assaulted with a blow to the head via pillow.

"You ass!" Shelby says grabbing the pillow that was just smacked into her face and throwing it far from her presence. "I don't break into your apartment at," Shelby looks at her alarm clock. "6 fucking AM!"

"Oh, come on Corkscrew, don't be like that. It was pretty funny watching your reaction to that pillow. We also have a business to run."

"Do I look amused San?! Do I?!" Shelby said staring daggers at the blonde woman across from her. She quickly grabs her head. All of this yelling is doing nothing for her hangover.

The other woman rolls her eyes at Shelby's dramatics. She picks up the empty wine bottles from the dresser. "Trying to give someone a run for their money?"

Shelby snatches the bottles away and takes them to the kitchen where she throws them into the trash angrily. "No. I just…" She sighs looking at her friend who had followed her and feels defeated. "Forget about it." Shelby hates feeling defeated.

"Maybe you should hire a personal investigator? I mean- you obviously aren't having any luck on your own. What did the police say when you checked in yesterday?"

"Same shit as always. We're doing the best we can Ms. Corcoran. Nothing's come up yet. We'll call you if we hear anything." Shelby seethes, blatantly disgusted with the authorities. "Hear anything! Damn it, Sandy! You know they aren't even looking when they say shit like that!"

"Riz…" The blonde says completely at a loss. She's known Shelby since college, ever since they did _Grease_ together. Hell, Shelby's practically her only real friend, but she doesn't know how to help her. She's never been the buddy-buddy type. Insults she's good at… crying and hugging it out? Not so much.

"I don't need your pity. I just need to find my daughter. She's out there somewhere… she has to be." Shelby says hanging her head across the kitchen sink, gripping the edge as if holding on for dear life. She feels a small squeeze of her shoulder. It's all the contact she needs to strengthen herself again.

"I'm gonna go downstairs and set up the studio for the morning crowd." Shelby only nods in acknowledgement of her friend and business partner's statement. It's all that's really needed.

The morning turns out to be long and irritating. More than once Shelby bit off a few heads and sent her students running home crying. Working with a hangover didn't suit the former show choir director.

But it wasn't just the hangover. It was Rachel. No matter how hard she tried to focus on her work, she could only think of one thing- finding her baby.

The saddest thing about it all, at least at this moment in time, was that the morning wasn't even over. It was only 9am. Time couldn't possibly be going by any slower for the vocal instructor.

The phone ringing brought Shelby out of her current state. She runs to the phone to hopefully answer it in time. She really needed to hire an office assistant.

"Stage Life Studio, where Broadway hopefuls turn into Broadway stars." Shelby rolled her eyes at the slogan. They should probably come up with something better. "Shelby Corcoran speaking."

"Shelby, this is Wanda Vincent. I was just calling to let you know that I have your orders ready. I was also wondering if you could pick them up this morning?"

"This morning? I don't know, Wan. We are pretty busy here."

"I know you have a studio to run, but you did say you needed those costumes by tomorrow. And well… I was thinking of closing shop for the day. You know taking that ever elusive break?"

"You? Take a break? I don't believe it." Shelby says laughing. Wanda was even more busy than she had been with Vocal Adrenaline. Before she had met the seamstress, she hadn't thought that possible. She sighs though. "Yeah. I guess I can try and swing by there this morning."

"Thanks Shel. I really appreciate it." Wanda says before hanging up.

Shelby pushes the button on the phone effectively severing the connection as she sticks her head into one of the dance rooms. "Hey San, I gotta go pick up those costumes we ordered from _Stitch_. Cover for me?"

"Ugh. Seriously? Why can't you just go at lunch?"

"Because Wanda has grandiose delusions of vacating her premises." Shelby gestures wildly. "You can always tell the voice students to run scales."

"Fine, but you owe me Rizzo. I hate those snotty nosed singer types." The blonde states.

"You do realize I am one of those 'singer types' right?" Shelby asks almost daring the other woman to say something. She isn't disappointed.

"Believe me, I know. I can't seem to get rid of you either. I've been trying ever since you stole Mark Bedford right out from under me."

Shelby laughs, but then grimaces. "Please, I was doing you a favor. Bedford was horrible in every aspect. Yuck, I still don't know what I was thinking."

"You weren't- that's the problem. I was only using him for free beer, but enough of all this memory lane shit. Get your ass out of here before I change my mind. On second thought maybe I should be the one to…"

"Bye!" Shelby yells as she hustles out the door. She knows fully well that her friend would change her mind and then they would be twenty-four costumes short for tomorrow.

The J train is over crowded and wreaks of urine. Shelby can't stand the subway sometimes, but taking a taxi into Brooklyn was a waste of time and money. "Fucking transits." She thinks to herself as she shakes her head at the filth. It's usually not this bad, but Shelby noted that someone must have been slacking on their janitorial duties.

She arrives at Wanda's quicker than she thought she would. She opens the door and yells out into the seemingly empty space. "Wan! Get your ass out here now. I'm here and I want my stuff."

Shelby smirks as a ruffled looking Wanda comes running out from the back. The woman glares at her. "You could be nicer, S. I did get these done on short notice."

"I don't do nice. At least not today." Shelby says as Wanda looks her up and down.

"You need breakfast." The woman says. It's puzzling at the very least.

"What?" Shelby asks and then playfully adds, "Did you forget to take your meds this morning?"

The seamstress rolls her eyes, but doesn't miss a beat. "I'll have you know I took them just fine. It still doesn't change the fact that I am going to now refuse you your costumes until you eat. Really Shelby, you're too grumpy to deal with."

Shelby growls. She can't believe the other woman right now. "You're serious?"

"As cancer." Wanda deadpans. "Why don't you try the diner a couple of blocks down to the left? And bring me back a few bagels while you're at it."

Shelby stomped out of shop. "Stupid Wanda. I did not come all the way to Brooklyn to be her gofer." Shelby goes nonetheless. Wanda was a stubborn woman. Shelby may never get her costumes if she didn't come back with those bagels.

After walking a couple of blocks, Shelby comes across a small 50s style diner named _Alfie's_. She assumes it's the one Wanda meant since the woman had forgotten to tell her exactly where to go.

Suddenly, she realizes she's never been here before. She can't possibly waste the opportunity to look for her daughter. She's already missed all the businesses along the way! She refuses to do so any further.

Shelby enters the diner. She walks up to the counter to where a portly man and a young african american woman are arguing. She quietly waits for them to finish their heated discussion on some new vegan suggestions of another waitress and then approaches once they seemed finished.

"Excuse me. Are you by chance the owner of this establishment?" Shelby asks the man.

Alfred looks down at her. "Depends. You wouldn't happen to be from the health department would you?"

"No." Shelby says directly. "I'm a voice instructor, but that's not why I'm here either. I have actually been searching for my daughter. You may have seen her." Shelby pulls out the picture of Rachel that she carries everywhere. "Her name is Rachel. She's fifteen."

"Don't know no Rachel." Al says. Shelby's face falls. "You say you're her mother?"

"Yes. She's been missing for eight months. I am certain she is somewhere in the city just…"

"And she's only fifteen?" Al interrupts. He takes the picture and looks more closely.

Shelby doesn't know if she should be confused or irritated. If this man didn't know anything then why was he questioning her? Still, there might be something there. Shelby thinks maybe he knows more than he's letting on.

"Yes. She's fifteen. Her name is Rachel. She ran away from her fathers' home in Ohio and I am desperately trying to find her. I need to know she's safe. Do you have children, Mr…?"

"Lewis, Alfred Lewis. No, I don't have any kids, but I can imagine... Look, like I said I don't know no fifteen year old Rachel."

"Thank you for your time." Shelby begins, a little let down that she has once again reached a dead end. She, however, is cut off from finishing her spiel.

"But I do know a twenty year old named Joanie that looks an awful lot like the girl in this picture." He hands the picture back to Shelby. And then nods as if to solidify his statement.

Shelby's face brightens at Alfred's words. Could this be it? "Please, Mr. Lewis. If you can give me any information on her whereabouts I would be forever indebted…"

"Slow your roll, Toots. Joanie works here. She's out back on break. Should be in any moment. Alls I can do is tell you to have a seat and if she's your girl… she's your girl."

Shelby smiles at the man. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"Don't thank me just yet. She might not be who you're looking for." Al says.

"Still, you are the first person that's even remotely been able to help me." Shelby says genuinely. "But…" Shelby bites her lip and then releases it. "Could you do me one last favor?"

"Possibly." The man says hesitantly. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything about Joanie, but then again the way the woman before him just bit her lip and released it- it's something he's seen Joanie do many times. Not to mention the physical resemblance.

"I'm afraid Rachel might run if she knows I'm looking for her. I would appreciate it if maybe you could not say anything to her about my being here? If you don't mind that is."

Alfred eyes Shelby once more. "Won't she recognize you once she sees you? A girl should know her own mother."

Shelby shakes her head sadly. "She doesn't know me. She's my biological daughter, but we've never met before. It's a long story, but I'm willing…"

"Stop. I don't know why, but I trust you. You don't have to tell me your life story. Look, as long as it seems like Joan's in no danger… I'll keep your little secret."

Shelby smiles with a nod and then leaves the man at the counter to take a seat on the opposite end of the diner. This was the first ray of sunshine she had seen in four months. Shelby didn't pray often, but she had found herself over time doing it more and more. "Please be her. Please be her. Please be her."

Shelby watches the kitchen door like a hawk. She orders a coffee from her waitress. God, how long were the breaks that the waitresses get? Shelby begins to panic. What if the owner didn't keep his word? What if he told Rachel she was here? What if Rachel ran again?

"No. No, no, no." Shelby whispers as she starts to get up from her seat. She will not come so close just to lose her daughter all over again.

It's when she pulls out her wallet to pay for her coffee that Shelby sees her. "Oh my God." She whispers again, dropping her wallet on the table and covering her mouth.

It was Rachel. Her hair was different and she looked a little… tired? But it was her. It was her baby girl. The search was finally over.

Relief washed over Shelby as she sat back in her booth. Tears sprung to her eyes, but she kept them at bay. This was the moment she had waited so long for.

"Miss?" Her waitress asked her pulling away her attention from the girl across the room. "Can I get you anything else?"

Shelby smiled. "Yes. I think I'll have the special." Shelby didn't know what the hell the special of the day was, but she knew that she didn't want to leave this diner. At this point, she would eat cardboard if it meant she could stay in the same room as her daughter.

"Great!" The waitress proclaimed. "I'll put in the order now. Would you like some more coffee as well?"

Shelby nodded her head yes as the woman left and her vision landed on Rachel once again. How was she going to do this? She couldn't very well go up to her and introduce herself as her mother could she? No.

No, that wouldn't be a good idea at all. Shelby had already determined that Rachel would run. And where would that leave her? Right back at square one, that's where. She needed to figure this out. Shelby needed a plan.


	11. Chapter Ten

**A/N: I was in such a hurry to post last time that I neglected to mention that there was a time lapse between Chapters 8 and 9. Those of you that love Wanda may hate me now. It took her two months to get around to getting involved and send Shelby to the diner. She didn't have a lot of free time to figure things out and once she did figure things out she waited for an opportune moment to act. I am sorry for not mentioning this last chapter (I went back and added it in the notes so it now mentions it). I have also created a timeline to help everyone to follow along with the amount of time that's passed (it has helped me too lol). The dates are mostly tentative (it probably wouldn't happen so exactly in real life). No time jump here. This picks up right where we left off. Thanks again for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting!**

**Dec 18, 1994 - Rachel's Birth  
Aug 2008 - Berry's Move to Lima  
Dec 9, 2009 - Sectionals  
Dec 11, 2009 - Hanukkah Begins  
****_Prologue_****  
Dec 14, 2009 - Rachel Decides to Leave  
****_Chapter One_****  
Dec 15, 2009 - Rachel Leaves Lima  
Dec 18, 2009 - Rachel Turns 15  
****_Chapter Two_****  
Dec 19, 2009 - Rachel Arrives in NYC/Hanukkah Ends  
****_Chapter Three_****  
Dec 20, 2009 - Tony Arrives  
Dec 25, 2009 - Christmas Day  
****_Chapter Four_****  
April 9, 2010 - Shelby's Intro  
April 12, 2010 - Shelby Finds Out  
****_Chapter Five_****  
April 13, 2010 - Shelby Visits the Berry's  
April 14, 2010 - Shelby Leaves for NYC  
April/May 2010 - Shelby's Search  
May 16, 2010 - Stage Life Studio Opens  
****_Chapter Six_****  
Dec 2009-May 2010- Rachel's Job Search  
May 19, 2010 - The Mouse Funeral  
May 26, 2010 - Tony Is Now Vegan  
May 29, 2010 - Rachel Sees Wicked  
****_Chapter Seven_****  
June 7, 2010 - Rachel Gets a Job  
****_Chapter Eight_****  
June 8, 2010 - Rachel's First Day  
****_Chapter Nine_****  
Aug 18, 2010 - Shelby's Drunken Night  
Aug 19, 2010 - Shelby Finds Rachel**

* * *

**CHAPTER TEN**

_"Promised Myself I Wouldn't Weep"_

Shelby spent the rest of Rachel's shift trying to come up with a plan and watching her daughter work. She knew she was probably on the border line of being a stalker- okay more than probably, but the truth was she couldn't help it. Not even five feet away from her right now was her baby. Her little girl.

Shelby took in every detail she could with out being caught staring at Rachel. She was a little boney making Shelby wonder if she was eating enough. The bags under her eyes signaled that she wasn't sleeping well either. Shelby prayed the girl was actually sleeping on a mattress in a room and not some cardboard box in the street. Rachel was clean though which meant she had access to a shower. Shelby breathed a little easier at that. Maybe Rachel wasn't doing badly after all?

Soon it was time for Rachel's shift to end and Shelby watched as her girl walked out of the diner. She left with the other waitress, the one that had served Shelby. Maybe they were friends?

Shelby wanted so badly to follow the girls, but she knew it was too risky. She wanted to cry so badly. If she told Rachel who she was Rachel would run with no questions asked and no time to explain. That left her only one option. She had to find a way to befriend or become a mentor to Rachel. She needed to earn the girl's trust.

"Well?" Al said as he sat down across from Shelby. He knocked on the table impatiently stirring Shelby from her thoughts.

"It's her." Shelby answered. "Your Joanie is my Rachel."

"I gathered as much, sweetheart. I mean, you'd have left if she hadn't been your girl." Shelby rolled her eyes at the man's attitude.

"I need another favor from you." Shelby stated. She wasn't really asking at this point, but she couldn't bully the man either.

"What do I get in return?" Al asked. He would help Shelby no matter what most likely, but it didn't hurt to try and get something out of it either.

"Every day when I come here, I'll order something besides water or coffee." Shelby was quick with her answer. "A full meal." She was willing to give the man everything she owned if it meant he helped her, but she kept that under wraps for now.

"Alright. What do you want me to do?" It was that simple. Shelby smiled at the good natured man.

"For starters? Tell me everything you know about her." Al nodded as Shelby pulled out her notebook.

"Not here." He said stopping her from taking the cap off her ink pen. Shelby looked at him puzzled. "I have an office in the back. Probably better for this kind of thing, dontcha think?" Shelby nodded in return and followed the restaurant owner to the back office.

From there, Shelby began to right down each and every detail Al gave her. The man ended up knowing much more than she thought he would. An hour later and Shelby was relieved as she had learned that Rachel had been safe all this time. She had people like Al and the Moretti's looking after her too. It was more than she could have hoped for. She thanked the man and told him she would see him tomorrow.

Shelby's phone beeped and for the first time all afternoon she looked at the device. She knew she would be in deep with Sandy as she was only supposed to go pick up the costumes- "Oh shit! The costumes."

Shelby sped up her walk into an almost run as she made her way back to Wanda's place. She tried calling but the line was busy. When she arrived she felt lucky that the place was still open. So much for Wanda wanting to take the afternoon off.

"Wan, I am so sorry." Shelby said rushing into the shop. She froze when she saw that standing in front of her was none other than her daughter. She must have looked like some sort of deer caught in headlights as Rachel turned around and eyed her suspiciously.

"Wanda is in the back. I'm Joanie, I help out here sometimes. Can I help you with something, Mrs… ?" Rachel said stepping away from one of the mannequins she appeared to be moving.

"Corcoran." Shelby said shakily. "Shelby Corcoran."

"Oh yes!" Rachel said in recognition. Shelby's eyes grew even wider at the thought of her daughter knowing who she was. "Wanda said you'd be coming by to pick up your costumes." Rachel beamed a mega watt smile and officially melted whatever was left of the ice in Shelby's heart away. That was her baby. Her daughter. Shelby could barely believe she was talking to her. Well… more like bubbling but…

"Um, yeah." Shelby said. "I-I…" Shelby blinked slowly to pull herself together. "It should be under _Stage Life Studio_."

Rachel continued smiling. "I'll go in the back and get it for you. Will that be all?"

Shelby nodded meekly and watched as her daughter disappeared into the back of the shop. It didn't take long and Rachel was back carrying a box way too big for her to see over. Shelby found it almost comical and rushed to help the girl out.

"Thanks." Rachel said as the two lowered the box to the floor. "There sure are a lot of costumes in there. Must be a really big studio."

"We do well." Was all Shelby could come up with. She had been dreaming of this moment for forever and yet she found herself speechless. Later she would curse herself, but for now she would just deal.

"What's it like? I mean do you just teach dance or?" Rachel was interested in her work. That was good. Very good, right? Shelby thought to herself.

"We cater to Broadway hopefuls. Most of them young, but we do teach classes for adults. We focus on dance and voice. I'm the vocal instructor."

"Broadway?!" Rachel tried to clarify with a squeal. Shelby knew Rachel loved musicals, but she wasn't prepared for the light she was witnessing in her daughter's eyes at the mention of The Great White Way.

"Yes, Broadway. Both the dance instructor and I have stage experience and, well, we hope that we're preparing these kids along in some way."

"That's amazing." Rachel replied. "I love Broadway."

Shelby smiled. "Do you? What's your favorite musical?"

"That's easy." Rachel said. "Funny Girl. Though West Side Story comes in at a very close second."

Shelby's smile brightened, conversation with her daughter was becoming easier and easier. "I've had the pleasure of playing Maria 18 times, but the goal was always Fanny. I didn't make it myself, but maybe one day one of these proteges will surprise me."

"18 times! That's a pretty good repertoire you know?" Rachel said astounded. It made Shelby laugh a little. She didn't know how easily impressed Rachel could be. "At least, it's better than what I've done. I've only had show choir experience, but one day my name will be in lights."

"Ah, a young dreamer." Shelby smiled softly this time remembering what it was like to be in Rachel's shoes. Only Shelby didn't have anyone to help her out along the way. But, if she had anything to do with it, Rachel would. "Do me a favor and never lose sight of that dream okay?"

"I won't." Rachel said suddenly sullen. Shelby wondered what had caused the change in her daughter.

"Shelby!" Wanda said practically barreling into the room. "You made it back! And I see our Joanie here got you your costumes." It was then Shelby saw the glint in Wanda's eyes. She knew. Wanda knew who Rachel was. Shelby could cry. Happy tears of course, but tears nonetheless. Wanda had helped her find Rachel.

"Yes, she did. She's been very helpful. Whatever you're paying her, you should double it." Shelby winked over at Rachel causing the girl's smile to come back in full.

"Well, I don't know about that." Wanda said with a jest. "But maybe I can keep her around on a more regular basis from now on?"

"Oh Wanda! Could you really? I can work after my shifts at the diner!"

"We'll talk about it later, dear." Wanda said with a smile. "Right now I have some UPS boxes in the back that need to be opened and inventoried. Think you can handle that for me?"

"Sure thing!" Rachel said excitedly. "Nice meeting you Ms. Corcoran."

"Call me Shelby and nice meeting you as well, Joanie." Shelby had wanted to say Rachel, but she knew she couldn't. And if she were to gain the girl's trust she was going to have to get used to Joanie.

Once Rachel had gone into the back, Shelby grabbed Wanda and pulled her into a long hug. "How long?" She asked.

"Two months." Wanda said sheepishly. Shelby's eyebrows rose almost slam off her head.

"Two months. Two months!" If she hadn't been so happy for actually finding her daughter she would be furious.

"Don't be mad, Shelby. For one, I didn't know it was her for sure and two, well I tend to get busy. But as soon as I could work something out I called you."

Shelby sighed. She really couldn't be mad at Wanda anyway. Not even before all of this. "Has she been working here that long?"

"No." Wanda answered relieved that Shelby didn't seem to be angry. "I've only had her come in a few days every now and then. I'm not sure I can really afford to hire full time extra help."

Shelby nodded and then smiled. She had an idea. "You can't afford it, but I can."

"What? Are you going to pay your daughter to work for me? Because that would be fabulous." Wanda joked.

"No." Shelby laughed. "But I can pay my daughter to work for me. I just need to get her to trust me first. Maybe befriend her?"

"You don't think she'll take up your offer immediately?" Wanda asked. As desperate as Rachel seemed she couldn't see the girl turning down good paying work.

"I don't know, but I… I'd like for her to be able to be her real self around me and hopefully… somehow get her to move in? Be a roommate maybe? Shit Wanda, I just don't want her to run from me."

Wanda looked at the broken woman across from her. Here she had found her daughter and yet felt so far away from her. "Everything will work out, Shelby. Whatever you do, it'll work out."

Shelby nodded and wiped a stray tear from her face. As much as she wanted to offer Rachel everything now she knew she had to wait. She could feel it. Gaining Rachel's trust would mean keeping her for the long run. If Shelby could prove to her she had her best interest at heart, then maybe when Rachel found out who she was she wouldn't disappear on her. "Look out for her for me?"

"Of course I will." Wanda said hugging Shelby again. "She's safe, Shelby." Wanda whispered in her ear. "She's got people looking out for her everywhere. We'll keep an eye out to you feel you can make your move."

Shelby smiled and then pulled out of the hug. "Thank you. Thank you, Wanda. For everything."

Wanda returned the smile as Shelby grabbed her box of costumes and walked out of the store. She hailed a taxi as there was no way she was carrying the box through the subway. It wasn't until she got back to her office in the studio that she relaxed.

"Where the hell have you been?" Sandy yelled as she stormed into Shelby's office. "I've been trying to call you for hours. I had to cancel your classes!"

Shelby looked up at her friend with tears in her eyes. She hated that she had neglected to call her but she knew the woman would understand. "I found her, San."

The dance instructor's mouth bobbled open and closed for a minute before she spoke. "I'll be damned. You really found the kid?"

Shelby nodded and smiled then she shook her head no. "Well actually Wanda found her, but yeah… she's found. She's alive. She's safe." Shelby paused for a moment. "Look San, I know it was rough today handling two classes at a time, but I'm going to have to cut back on my schedule for a while. I need to get Rachel to trust me so I can bring her here."

Shelby received a nod in response and then confusion. "Don't you mean bring her home, Riz? I mean… if her dads find out you're trying to keep her?"

"You think I'm honestly going to send her back into that hell?! For God's sake! She ran away from there for a reason!" The thought of sending Rachel back to the Berry's made Shelby's blood boil.

"Okay. Okay. So you are keeping her or at least attempting that. What are you going to do when they call? Rachel is their daughter too. You just gonna lie?"

Shelby bit her lip, she hated the Berry men, but she also pitied them to an extent. "No. As much as I want to, I don't think I could do that. When the time comes, I'll just have to convince them that it's too much of a risk to send her back so soon. Then maybe I can convince them that she's happier here? I don't know. I'll figure that out later. Right now I'm going to concentrate on gaining Rachel's trust and getting her in my care fully."

None of this was going to be easy, Shelby thought. But she was more than determined. She would befriend Rachel, she would offer her a job, she would get her to move to the studio and then she would tell her who she was. It had to work. She would make it work. In her mind, there were no other options.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**A/N: Sorry for my schedule being all crazy these last two weeks. It was unavoidable, but here is a new chapter! Yay! Right? Right?! Next chapter will follow Rachel out of the cafe and all it's effects. As always thanks for reading, reviewing, favoriting and following!**

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**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

_"Can You Help Me Remember How to Smile?"_

Shelby had no idea how she was going to do this. She knew she would end up spending every day at that diner to see her daughter, but wouldn't Rachel find that weird? Who would come all the way out to Bushwick every day to eat at _Al's_? It wasn't a bad diner, just not the place one would go out of their way every day to eat there. Especially one who lived in Manhattan with many other, and even better, options.

She sighed as she stepped off the train. Maybe she could go with the vegan menu. She vaguely remembered her waitress and Al discussing it the day she had found Rachel and Rachel was vegan.

"Joanie. Call her Joanie." Shelby said audibly as a reminder. The people around her probably thought she was crazy. Maybe she was.

A burst of cold air hit Shelby as she opened the diner door and she pulled off her Tiffany & Co overpriced sunglasses taking a seat in what she had already learned was Rachel's section. At least she had brought some of her work with her so that she had an excuse to stick around for a while. Shelby was already mad at herself for not completely thinking things through. She should have formulated a more comprehensive plan than- go to the diner and befriend your daughter. How was this ever going to work?

"Mrs. Corcoran!" Rachel almost shouts in excitement as she skips over to Shelby's table. It made Shelby chuckle.

"I believe I told you to call me Shelby, Joanie." She said with a smile. "Wanda told me this diner was pretty good. I've been here once, but wasn't able to really try anything out. Except the coffee. Which is one of my personal addictions."

"Oh! A sort of first timer then." Rachel laughed. "And what New Yorker isn't addicted to coffee?" Rachel's amusement at Shelby's rambling was clear as day as she started a ramble of her own. "Well, welcome to _Al's Diner_!"

Shelby greatly admired the girl's enthusiasm. "We have a lovely new vegan menu located on the small insert. Might I add that it was my own suggestion and…" Joanie stopped her speech when a throat was cleared.

Shelby peeked around the smaller girl and noticed Al behind the counter. She gave him a smile. "Can I start you off with that coffee?" Rachel then asked abandoning her previous subject. Shelby gathered Rachel must be a little long winded according to other customers. She didn't understand why Al would think it would bother her until she realized he must have to do that with all of Rachel's customer's and if he didn't that would make Shelby seem different. She was instantly grateful that the man was helping her to blend in as a normal customer.

"Coffee would be perfect." Shelby said. Rachel nodded and then walked over to the counter. Shelby could barely contain her smile. Rachel pranced back over and poured the black liquid into Shelby's cup.

"Joanie, could you tell me more about this vegan menu?" Shelby asked causing Rachel's eyes to shine. Shelby glanced over to Al who rolled his eyes and then headed back into the kitchen. Okay, maybe Shelby wanted to be a little different. She needed to befriend the girl after all and she was once vegan so she wasn't being totally dishonest or anything.

"I would love to! I mean you're the first one that has actually expressed interest in ordering from it or asked about the menu in depth or not to request another waitress as I can apparently be overly enthusiastic about veganism." Rachel's eyes widened when she thought Shelby might become a little wary. "Oh but don't worry, Shelby. Al's a great chef. He can cook anything and I eat his vegan dishes all the time. Well, when I am here at least." Shelby smiled back up at the girl as she continued to explain the vegan options. This would be a great first start.

After a few minutes of more rambling, Rachel stopped dead in her tracks. "Are you vegan, Shelby?" She asked curiously.

"I was for a while through college and after even, but I got sick and had to switch to vegetarian. My doctor felt I didn't get enough nutrition on the vegan diet." Shelby answered honestly. "I still try to stick with organic now. Though it's not possible everywhere."

"That's horrible you got sick and had to give up the lifestyle. I'm vegan myself." Rachel beamed yet again.

Shelby noticed Rachel looked underweight for her age, but she pushed away her worry for now. She could tackle Rachel's health when Rachel was actually living with her as her daughter. Shelby laughed internally when she realized Rachel had been and was still talking about being vegan this entire time.

"I'm very passionate about it and I don't think I could ever give it up. I even converted my cat!" Rachel stated proudly.

"Your cat?!" Shelby said fumbling over her coffee cup almost spilling it everywhere. That was a first. Not spilling her coffee. God, Shelby did that quite often. No, she had never heard of anyone turning a carnivorous animal into a vegan, but there's a first time for everything right? "Don't cats need a high amount of protein in their diet?" Shelby asked intrigued.

"Yep, but I use supplements and he drinks lots of soy and almond milk. Tony, that's my cat, he hated me for a while, but he came around." Rachel nodded resolutely. "Decided on what you want?"

"Yes, I think I'll have the veggie hash." Shelby said absentmindedly folding up her menu and handing it over. She was still a little bewildered over Tony the vegan cat. Was her daughter like The Miracle Worker or something? Geez.

"Excellent choice!" Rachel stated as she collected Shelby's menu. "I'll have it right out for you." Rachel whisked herself away into the kitchen and Shelby decided to pull out her work. At least this way she wasn't really acting like a creeper.

She pried her sheet music out of her bag and pushed her coffee as far away from the papers as possible. The last thing she needed was to ruin them. Thinking twice, though, she pulled the coffee cup back a little. Coffee must be close at all times. She really was addicted.

Shelby watched her daughter work as she tried her best to rearrange the song only in her head. She was crazy to try this away from a piano, but she didn't care. She could still partly hear the notes in her head. Maybe, just maybe, she could do something with this piece.

It wasn't long before Shelby noticed that Rachel was reading over her shoulder. Bringing sheet music was the perfect idea. Rachel had placed her food down quietly, but epically failed at trying to be inconspicuous. Shelby tried her best to hide her smile. That was until Rachel sucked at her teeth. Wait, what was wrong with her song?

"Something wrong?" Shelby asked highly intrigued and trying to conceal her smirk. It was a hard feat. Especially when Rachel looked mortified that she had been caught snooping.

"No!" She quickly replied. "Can I- Can I get you anything else?"

"More coffee would be nice." Shelby said and Rachel rushed off to the counter to get a fresh pot. When she returned, Rachel tried once again to look over Shelby's sheet music as she poured the coffee. Shelby had to admit the girl was good. She had stopped pouring just as the liquid reached the top. Shelby often over poured even when paying attention. She tended to like getting as much coffee in a cup as possible. Rachel makes another noise of discontent.

"Okay." Shelby says putting down the music. "Is it really that bad?"

Rachel bites her lip and looks around the diner. She doesn't really have many other customers right now and Al is in the back. She takes a deep breath and leans back over to the paper. "May I?" She says gesturing to the pencil in Shelby's hand.

"Please do." Shelby said handing it over amused. She was very curious as to what Rachel would suggest.

"See." Rachel began. "If you move this here…" Rachel draws an arrow to the left. "And drop down here," Rachel circled a line and then drew an arrow down the page. "It allows for more key changes here…" Rachel changes a few notes. "And repeat the bridge here…"

Shelby's eyes widened astounded. Her sheet music looked like it had been turned into something from an NFL playbook, but Rachel was good. Really good. All the changes she was making made complete and total sense and this was without a piano or instrument of any kind. Her daughter was a musical genius. A strong sense of pride ripped through the woman suddenly. HER daughter was a musical genius.

When Rachel was finished she handed the paper back over. Shelby looked over it quickly only confirming her recent enlightenment. "Joanie, this is amazing." Shelby smiled up at the girl. "Please tell me you have other ideas."

Rachel smiles back. "I- I…" She couldn't contain her excitement. "I have SO many ideas. M-m-my shift ends in an hour. We can discuss them then if you want?"

Of course Shelby wanted to discuss Rachel's ideas at the end of her shift. Shelby would discuss the weather with her if it meant she got to spend more time with her daughter. "That would be fabulous, Joanie."

Rachel's mega watt smile comes through with a nod and then she rushes off to check on a few other customers that had recently come straggling in. Shelby couldn't believe how well things were going. She had come in the diner with barely a plan at all and one had formed completely by accident. She had an open invitation to strike up a friendship with her kid. She just needed to be able to keep it going long enough to gain the girl's trust. Then she could come clean… maybe she could even drop some hints so Rachel figured some of it out on her own. The details were still fuzzy to Shelby but at least it was a start.

They spend the next few weeks meeting in various places across Brooklyn. Shelby, though not for lack of trying, couldn't seem to get Rachel into Manhattan including her studio. She figured she'd cross that bridge later, but later turned into much sooner.

They'd been working on _Stage Life's_ showcase coming up. Shelby had really wanted her to come in and have her work with the kids, but that backfired on her completely. Rachel seemed to have an aversion to teenagers now. Shelby understood completely, but until Rachel opened up to her there was nothing she could do. Rachel had remained very tight lipped about her personal life, other than mentioning Tony here and there. Shelby found it frustrating.

When Rachel had suggested changing all of Shelby's songs around and even had her add 21 Guns from the Broadway musical _American Idiot_, Shelby became inspired. Rachel couldn't believe that Shelby hadn't seen one of the best new musical's around so, in an effort to blur the lines a bit from a working relationship to a friendship, Shelby invited Rachel to come see the musical with her. It surprised Shelby when Rachel readily agreed as long as it was the Matinee showing.

The two had a blast and ended up at a little vegan cafe afterwards. They talked about the musical and Shelby's world lit up as Rachel's passion for music came through. It was a feeling Shelby was readily getting used to. But she knew that she needed to start bridging the gap. Shelby needed to become Rachel's friend. She needed to gain the girl's trust. To be so close to her daughter now, she still felt miles away. It was now or never.

"Joanie, why don't you talk about your family?" Rachel's head shot down at Shelby's question and the girl suddenly found her food very interesting. Shelby felt that maybe that was the wrong question to start off with… maybe something easier like the rumors that Barbra Streisand was returning to film would have been better.

After a moment, Rachel spoke. "I- I don't have any family to speak of." Shelby's face fell. Maybe she was hoping for too much, but she had thought, once asked, Rachel would have told her more of the truth rather than continuing on with the lie. Shelby felt instantly guilty at that line of thought. Wasn't she lying too? Yes.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it." Shelby apologized. She wasn't ever particularly good at making friends, how did she ever think she could do this?

"No." Rachel stopped her. The air became uncomfortable. Shelby noticed the girl looked like she could bolt at any moment. "Tony is all I have now. I don't… I don't talk about my parents anymore."

Shelby squelched her excitement. Was Rachel going to tell her? The real truth? Had Shelby gained the girl's trust without even knowing? "Hey," Shelby said reaching across the table to place one of her hands on top of Rachel's fidgeting one's. Rachel moved them under the table though and Shelby retracted hers quickly. "We're friends right? You can talk to me."

Shelby knew it the moment it left her mouth. She had pushed too far. "I- I'm sorry, Shelby. I can't. I mean… I have to go." Rachel said fumbling all over her words. "It's been really fun helping you these past weeks with your work and thanks for inviting me to the theatre with you."

Wait! Shelby internally panicked. What did Rachel mean by using the past tense? Was she… was she going to push her away? "Joa…" Shelby began but was cut off.

"I really have to go, Shelby. Thank you for everything." Rachel said and then she disappeared out the door. Rachel was gone faster than the breeze left from her quick departure.

Shelby wanted to cry. So she did or was going to. She waited until she got home, but as soon as the door to her apartment was opened she let it all out collapsing against the now closed door.

What had she done? She should have known better than to try and push Rachel! But it had been weeks… things had been going so well. Shelby thought they might actually could be considered friends. That was more of a relationship than she ever thought she'd be allowed to have with her daughter.

Why couldn't she had held out a little longer? Why did she have to rush things? She had behaved rashly and now what was to become of her daughter? Would Rachel keep her at bay? Could they pick up where they left off? Shelby's mind overflowed with questions and doubt.

After an hour of wallowing in her own self pity, Shelby's cell phone began to ring. She rushed to it hoping it was Rachel, but was crushed when she saw that it was the Berry's who were actually calling. She knew she couldn't keep it from them anymore that she had found Rachel. It wasn't right even if she did think of them as lowly as she did.

Still, if she told them that she had found Rachel she desperately needed to convince them not to come to New York. She needed more time with Rachel. She couldn't… no she wouldn't let the girl's fathers whisk the child away again into misery. Just a few more weeks, if she hadn't scared Rachel away completely, and she could tell Rachel the truth. Then she would do everything in her power to keep her daughter with her.

Shelby allowed the phone to go to voicemail. With a new resolve she decided she'd call the men back tomorrow and explain that Rachel was a flight risk. It wasn't a lie. Shelby knew more than ever that the girl's fears went much deeper than any one could have ever guessed. She could see it in her eyes as she backed out of the cafe earlier.

And if the Berries didn't listen and showed up? Well, she would just kidnap Rachel herself and they could leave the country. Hell, it didn't matter where they went. Shelby Corcoran would protect her daughter at all costs.

Shelby rolled her eyes at her own dramatics. It wouldn't go that far. The Berry men would listen to Shelby. They would listen because they still trusted her. That and Shelby didn't think they would really know how to behave if Rachel was found. Of course they would be happy, but Shelby felt they would also be scared. The two men knew nothing about being parents. Shelby didn't either, but at least she was willing to actually try. She couldn't say that about Hiram and Leroy. Not after everything. She honestly didn't think Rachel would be able to either. In her heart of hearts, Shelby knew Rachel would be better off with her. She just had to convince Rachel of that first. She would worry about the Berry's reaction later.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**A/N: Sorry about posting this so late. With Cory's passing I just hadn't felt right about updating, but several people have contacted me about updating now so instead of waiting until this Sunday I decided to go ahead for you guys. I actually did write this last Sunday. At first I had no words to say and then they poured out of me uncontrollably (I didn't think I could write and then I had too). Like so many I deal with my emotions by writing. Whether the subject is about what I'm actually feeling or not. It's my therapy. I will warn that this chapter is the darkest one yet especially the dream (if you want to skip over it, it's in italics). This turmoil, however, was a pivotal point in the storyline and needed to be this way. It's still going to be a little rocky for awhile with many ups and downs. I promise to try and include some lighthearted moments with it all as well so hopefully it doesn't bring anyone down. Thank you all for reading, reviewing, following and favoriting. You ALL mean so much to me. I have found a home amongst you where I once was a lost and tired soul. My heart goes out to all those mourning the loss of Cory Monteith, especially those closest to him. Hugs from one gleek to another. There isn't enough love in this world that we live in; help spread it like wildfire.**

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**CHAPTER TWELVE**

_"Call You Up In The Middle Of The Night"_

Rachel walked away from the cafe as fast as she could. What the hell was she doing? She had worked hard to conceal her identity. She had worked hard to get away from her past. Yet still, she almost told Shelby EVERYTHING. It stood right there on the tip of her tongue and then- panic.

Shelby Corcoran. Why her? Out of the eight people she knew the best in New York, why had it been Shelby to bring her out of her shell? What was it about the woman that made her want to trust again? Was it the fact that she felt like she was almost looking in the mirror every time she saw her? Was it her Broadway background? That her presence was the most comforting thing Rachel had ever experienced?

None of it was acceptable. It was dangerous. It could get her caught. Get her sent back to Ohio… would Shelby do that? If Rachel had told her everything, would Shelby had called the police? Sent her on her way. Rachel's first thought was no. Then she quickly pushed the notion from her head.

She was on the subway. She didn't remember walking here. She didn't remember boarding, but she was here. It was crowded. Much more so than she was used to. Her breath was shortened and her heart racing. She wasn't supposed to be on the trains today. She was supposed to…

She didn't know what she was supposed to do. What would have happened had she left Shelby normally, that is? It became quickly apparent to the girl that Shelby had been grounding to her. That she didn't seem to fear the crowds or more likely the teenagers in them when the older woman was around. Her flashbacks rarely happened when with her. In fact, Shelby kept her in the present. There was no need to dwell on the past with Shelby because the past was in the past and they were so clearly in the present.

Tears formed in Rachel's eyes. She couldn't allow this to happen. Not that she didn't welcome the relief, but she was certainly setting herself up for something. Shelby was like the mother she never had and that was just too perfect in Rachel's eyes. She couldn't… she wouldn't… there was to be no trusting of Shelby Corcoran anymore. It was a luxury Rachel could no longer afford.

The train ride seemed quicker than usual and Rachel was thankful for that. She rushed out, pushing her way through the crowds. She needed to be home. She needed Tony. Tony was the only one who would ever understand. Tony was the only one she could ever have. At least until she was eighteen. Then and only then would Rachel allow someone in.

Rachel ignored Mrs. Moretti's nagging greeting as she ran up the stairs. She couldn't handle it now. She owed her supers no explanations. Maybe she had been confiding too much in them as well?

Memories flashed through Rachel's head as she swung open the door. The Moretti's? Too close. Rhonda, Aaron? Too close. Al and Jackie? Too close. Wanda? Too close. Shelby? Catastrophically close.

Rachel needed to back off. Spend more time alone. Stop talking so much about her personal life. She could see the consequences of her false securities now.

The police knocking down her door, dragging her away in a squad car because lets face it- they would have to drag her kicking and screaming back to Ohio. She would not go quietly, but she wouldn't have a choice. They'd catch her if she ran. That or she would be street bound and living amongst the homeless. God only knows what could happen then.

She'd have to abandon Tony to the street as well. She wouldn't be able to go back for him or they'd catch her. She couldn't go to any of her new found "friends," it'd be too risky. She wouldn't have a job anymore either. How would she survive? Maybe… maybe she wouldn't. All she knew was that she couldn't go back to Ohio. "Whatever it takes." Rachel whispered into the quiet apartment.

Tears streamed down her face. Rachel didn't want to die, but if the police really did ever find her was there another option? Shelby? She thought. "NO!" The loud resound resonated through the room frightening the curious Tony who had come to investigate his distraught owner. He ran quickly under the bed.

"Tony?" Rachel cried noticing the cat skid away from her. "Oh Tony, I'm so sorry!" She crept down trying to reach her hand out to him, but the feline backed even further into the corner. "Please baby, please just come out. I promise not to yell anymore." It was no use and the thought made her even more overwrought with despair.

This was all Shelby's fault, Rachel began to believe. If Shelby hadn't pushed so hard. If Shelby hadn't made her want to trust again. If Shelby…

Rachel crawled up on her bed and grabbed a pillow. Clutching it, she began to cry harden than ever before. She felt so torn. These last few weeks of having Shelby as a friend, Shelby HAD said that they were friends, it was amazing. She felt it had renewed her spirit. It gave her something to believe in again. She wanted to believe so badly. She wanted to trust Shelby.

On the other hand… she knew she couldn't. She could jeopardize everything. If- if she stayed friends with Shelby she knew she couldn't let it get that far. Maybe she could just tell her a partial truth? That is if Shelby even wanted to be her friend anymore. She did abandon the woman at the cafe.

Rachel cried for what seemed like hours until she could not possibly cry any longer. Her tears dried and the ache she felt in the pit of her stomach grew. The rising fear took ahold of her, constricting her chest and airways. The world went black as she fell into one of the darkest slumbers she would ever know.

_When she opened her eyes, the brightness blinded her so much that her eyes stung with tears. She tried to get them to adjust by blinking and turning away. When they finally did, terror poured out of her body and soul. She was back at McKinley on the stage in the auditorium. She tried to move. She tried to run. She couldn't. _

_"Rachel Barbra Berry. Front and center. Just like she was always meant to be." A disembodied voice cackled darkly. "Did you think you could escape us so easily? Did you think we would actually ever let you go?" _

_Laughter echoed through the building. Rachel was paralyzed; unable to even scream out her fears. She felt a fire burn the skin of her throat. She willed herself to jerk away from the breath, but she was unsuccessful._

_"It's hard to appreciate what a good singer you are because all I'm thinking about is shoving a sock into your mouth." The voice repeated words she knew all too well. _

_"I thought we were friends." She heard herself say. Only her lips never moved._

_The voice laughed again as Rachel's eyes widened and dilated in dread. "And what made you think that?" The amused dialect caused Rachel to begin trembling. _

_"Tell me Rachel." The voice began after moment of silence. "What scares you more? The truth in my words or the absence of my physical presence?"_

_Her tears burned down her cheeks like acid. She was in hell. She knew it had to be. She hadn't been good enough even for God._

_"Such a pretty face." The voice said as Rachel's chin lifted not of her own accord, but there was no hand underneath. "Did you know that they thought that? What was it they said… oh yes. You were 'sneaky hot.' And they HATED it." _

_Rachel felt the heat circle her body and a chill rise up her spine. "Why else would they have to attack your appearance so, MAN HANDS?" The sickness welled up in her as she felt the caress of her hands. _

_"You can dance with him, you can sing with him, but you will never him. That's what she said wasn't it? She was so afraid… fear is a very powerful emotion, Rachel. Fear can ignite. Fear can burn. Fear can consume. Fear can DESTROY."_

_Rachel felt her body collapse out of the chair as she regained her ability to move. She gasped for air clutching her throat. "Are you afraid, Rachel?" The voice asked from above her. _

_Rachel nodded frantically. She was so afraid. "Good. You should be." Rachel screamed as the flames rose around her engulfing her to ashes._

Rachel awoke from the nightmare having scrambled out of bed. Sweat poured from her brow and she felt unquenchably thirsty. She clawed at her throat scratching at the dryness. Where was she? Did she die? Was this really hell? She tried to scream but her throat was too dry, hoarse from the terrors she'd already released.

There was a pounding at the door and then a crash as it swung open. "Joanie? Joanie? Are you alright, Joanie?" Rachel recognized the voice. It was Marty. Frantic and wielding a baseball bat.

Reality hit her like a bolt of lightening from the sky. She was in New York. In her apartment. It had… it was just a nightmare.

The lights flickered on as Sheila rushed to her side. Marty began searching her house looking for whoever had made the young girl scream so frightfully loud. "Joanie? Joanie? What happened? Did someone hurt you? Should we call the ambulance?"

Rachel grabbed onto Sheila and shook in her arms. She didn't cry, her tear ducts were as dry as kindling ready to be lit, but the relief she felt was so prominent that her body reacted as if she did. Sheila continued to question the girl while trying to console her as well.

"I don't see anybody." Marty said. "The window is even locked."

Rachel pulled away from Sheila. She didn't deserve their comfort. The fear in their eyes… she had put that there. "I'm-" Rachel tried to rasp out.

Marty went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and brought it to her. Rachel opened it and drank half of it in one gulp. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand she looked down again. "I'm sorry for scaring you." She whispered. "I- it wasn't an intruder. I had… it was a nightmare."

"Oh you poor thing." Sheila said pulling Rachel unwillingly into a hug. "It must've been a doozy. You were screamin' so loudly… we almost stopped to call the police."

The fear came back tenfold as Rachel pulled away from the older woman. "I'm fine. I- there was no… Just a stupid dream. You can um, you can go now. I'm so sorry to have bothered you."

The Moretti's looked questioningly at each other. "It was no bother, dear." Marty said coming closer to Rachel, but when the girl backed away he knew they needed to leave. "But if you're alright then we will just leave you be. Remember though, we are just down the hallway if you need anything."

Rachel nodded and then followed them to the door, locking it behind them. She leaned into it hearing the pair begin to talk. "Marty, why in the hell would ya just have us leave her like that?! She's obviously been through somethin' traumatic!"

"We need to give her time, Sheila. Those eyes… I know those eyes. I've lived them." He didn't elaborate and Sheila didn't rebuttal.

Rachel turned from the door and downed the rest of her water. She placed the plastic into her recycle bin and opened the fridge to grab another bottle. She was still so thirsty.

Once she had finished that she decided to take a shower. Her sweat had dried from her skin, though soaking her pajamas leaving her feeling sticky, and she still felt the burn of the fire. Thirty minutes had passed in the cascading stream when she started to shake from the coldness of the water.

She looked over her body as she dried off. For the first time she noticed that she was thinner. She could now see bones that were once covered healthily. Looking in the mirror above the sink she saw the dark rims around her sunken eyes, but the biggest change she noticed was the emptiness she saw in them. When did that happen?

She dressed herself ignoring her own questions. She was too preoccupied with other things. A creek in the boards of her floor caused her jump. A breeze caused her to flinch. How was she supposed to go back to sleep?

Rachel looked for Tony hoping to get comfort from the animal but her heart fell when she saw him curled into a ball on top of the refrigerator. She probably had scared him again. What if he never came back to her? She wanted to cry at the feeling, Tony was all she had, but the tears never came.

She crawled into bed immediately throwing off the covers when she felt engulfed in too much heat again. She got back up and turned her fan on high. Maybe that would help.

It didn't. Rachel tossed and turned. Unable to sleep. Unable to even close her eyes. Every time she did all she saw were the flames consuming her again. She began to shake with fear. Something she was becoming all too accustomed to.

Without her own consent or so it seemed, Rachel found herself in a ball on the floor holding her phone to her ear. She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know how she had got here. She didn't know who she had called. She was too afraid to look.

But she needed someone. She needed someone to calm her fears. She needed a voice besides her own and that horrid disembodiment. She had already shunned the Moretti's so they were out of the picture, but she needed someone.

"Hello?" The groggy voice answered after the third ring. Rachel sighed in relief. Shelby. She had called Shelby. Maybe that would be okay.

"Shelby?" Rachel whispered her voice. It was barely recognizable to herself, but Shelby identified it.

"J-Joanie?" Rachel heard rustling across the line suggesting that Shelby was just awaking and getting out of bed. What time was it? She pulled away from her phone to check and mentally cursed herself. It was 3am. "Joanie is everything okay?!" The woman frantically asked snapping Rachel back to the phone.

"Shelby, I'm sorry." She said in a panic. "I didn't realize what time it was and…"

"Joanie stop." Shelby interrupted. "What's wrong?" Shelby's voice was worried, demanding and oddly calming all at the same time, but Rachel couldn't believe the mistake she had made. She shouldn't have called Shelby.

"I…" Rachel began, but couldn't find the words to continue. Should she just hang up? No, Shelby would probably call back. Maybe she could just say it was a misdial? But before she could come up with the story she found herself going in a whole other direction. "I can't sleep. I know it sounds childish, but I had this nightmare and…" Rachel was shocked when the tears began.

"Oh Joanie." Shelby cooed. "Hey, it's okay. You're okay."

"It's not okay, Shelby. It's so beyond okay." Rachel cried. She didn't understand why she was telling Shelby the truth. She just knew that she had to now. Like she was compelled to do so.

"Joanie, where are you? I can get a cab and be there in a half hour at the most if you're in Brooklyn. Maybe I can even persuade the cabby to speed…" Shelby started.

"No. No, you don't have to come here. I just…" What did Rachel really need? "I just needed to hear a friendly voice." She choked out.

"Are- Are you sure? I don't mind at all. I swear Joanie. I meant what I said earlier about being friends okay? Friends are there for each other and…"

"I know." Rachel interrupted. "I- I'm sorry about walking out on you earlier." She changed the subject. As much as would love to feel the comfort… she couldn't let Shelby know where she lived. It was still too risky.

"Hey, no need to apologize okay?" Shelby said. "I… I over stepped a little anyways. If you wanted to tell me things you would have."

The statement confused Rachel a bit but she wrote it off quickly. She could think about it later. "It's okay. I still shouldn't have left so abruptly though." Silence filled the line before Rachel decided to speak again. "Shelby?"

"Yeah?" Shelby answered. It almost sounded as if the woman on the other line was crying, but that couldn't be true.

"Do you think… God, I feel so stupid asking." Rachel began as she chided herself. Was she really going to ask this?

"What is it Joan?" Shelby pried. She seemed so eager to help.

"Could you… Would you, maybe, sing to me? Music sometimes calms me and…"

"I can do that." Shelby butted into Rachel's rambling. "What would you like to hear?"

"Anything." Rachel said meekly climbing back into bed. Anything to chase away the demons haunting me, she added in her head.

"Okay." Rachel could hear the smile in Shelby's voice, however slight. For the first time all night, Rachel relaxed and smiled herself.

It only took Shelby a minute to begin singing. "The sun'll come out, to-morrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun."

Rachel sighed in contentment. She loved _Annie_. She loved this song.

"Just thinking about to-morrow, clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow till there's none." Shelby's voice was soft and tender. She could easily be singing it as a lullaby.

Rachel closed her eyes and let Shelby's voice fill her head. She didn't see the fire anymore. She saw a little girl on a stage dancing around in a tutu to the tinkering of a piano. She saw a mother smile. She saw happiness.

Rachel never made it to the end of the song, instead she was swept away into _Candy Land_ in a journey through the Gumdrop Mountains and Peppermint Forest. A game she had once loved as child. Only this time she didn't have to play alone with other pretend players. This time she had Shelby.

Had she still been awake, instead of lightly snoring away, Rachel may have heard what Shelby had faintly whispered into the phone. "Sleep tight, baby girl. Mommy loves you."


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**A/N: I felt a little overwhelmed by your love for the last chapter and the amount of reviews you guys left in such a short time period. Thank you all so much! I feel like I owe you one for that- so instead of waiting until Wednesday to post this you get the chapter today! Hope you enjoy this one as much as the last chapter. Just so you know, I changed the formatting a little but I needed to be able to tie up some loose ends. I'm hoping it still reads well and isn't too off putting. There is a little twist coming next chapter so be on the lookout… I just may post it early as well :) On another note, tomorrow is my birthday (yeah… I just randomly threw that in there lol). As always thanks for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following! You guys are such awesome people. Never forget it.**

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

_"And Everything Seems Cut And Dry"_

When Rachel woke up later in the day she felt more renewed than she had felt in a very long time. She stretched her limbs knocking her phone off the pillow. "Shelby!" She alarmed remembering that she had fallen asleep while on the phone with the woman. Rachel picked up the phone and noticed the call had been disconnected and that she had a new text message. _It sounded like you fell asleep. Hope you slept better this time. Call me later and we can meet up if you want._ It was from Shelby.

Rachel smiled at the message and decided to send one back. _I did sleep well. Thank you for everything._

A message came through immediately. _Good. Glad I could help. Could we do lunch today? I have a proposition for you. _A proposition? Rachel wondered. What could Shelby possibly offering? She did enough last night. More than Rachel should have even asked for.

Rachel bit her bottom lip and typed out a reluctant reply. _I work a double today, but I get off at 3pm. Can we meet after that?_

_That's fine. How's 4pm? Maybe at Central Park?_ Rachel shook her head. 4pm would be fine, but Central Park? Didn't Shelby know by now? Didn't she get it? Rachel looked down at her phone again.

_4pm is good, but can we meet at Little Skips here in Bushwick instead? It's become my new favorite coffee place and it's vegan friendly._ Rachel had a suspicion that coffee would be Shelby's weakness. She was right.

_Coffee sounds superb! See you at 4pm._ Rachel blew out her breath in relief. The coffee house shouldn't be too crowded around then and she wouldn't have to worry about the multitude in the Manhattan park. Even though Shelby seemed to make her less on edge around other teenagers she still felt it better to avoid the chance of a possible meltdown. Central Park would be swarming with people around that time. Better safe than sorry. With that Rachel went about her business to get ready and get to work. She was feeling so much better than she did yesterday.

* * *

Shelby on the other hand was worried sick. She had stayed on the phone much too long after Rachel had fallen asleep just to make sure her daughter was ok. It wasn't until an hour had passed of listening to Rachel's light snoring that she realized she was being a little creepy. Sure Rachel was her daughter, but Rachel didn't know that yet did she?

Shelby knew that the time to act was now. After receiving Rachel's call and learning that her daughter had suffered a nightmare, that scared her that much, she couldn't just sit around and hope for the best. She needed to get Rachel under her care as soon as possible. So today at 4pm she would offer Rachel the job. She just hoped Rachel would take it because honestly she didn't want to blurt out that she was her mother just yet. She couldn't take a chance on Rachel running, but she couldn't leave Rachel where she was either. She couldn't let her be alone anymore.

Shelby's phone rang and she groaned. She didn't have to look at the caller ID to know who was calling. She knew they would call back if she didn't call them back soon enough. "I guess it wasn't soon enough." Shelby said to the empty apartment. She slid the phone open to answer the call. "Hello."

"Shelby! Thank goodness. I was beginning to wonder if we were going to have to fly out to New York just to get an update." Shelby rolled her eyes at the man's statement. If he was really serious about finding and getting his daughter back wouldn't he already be here? She had moved forward her entire schedule just for that reason. She was… it was no use thinking of that at the moment. It was time to break the news.

"Yeah. Sorry I didn't answer the other day, Hiram. It's been pretty crazy around here. Is Leroy on the line too?" She asked.

"Yes. I'm here Shelby." The man answered.

Shelby let out her breath slowly calming down her nerves. What if they chose now to move to New York? What if they contacted the police and took Rachel away? She couldn't think of such things now. She had to tell them. They were legally Rachel's parents and she knew it had to happen. "I found her." Shelby said quietly.

The line was dead quiet. Shelby heard one of the men whimper slightly breaking the silence though she wasn't sure which Berry it was. "Y-you… found her?" Leroy said almost in disbelief.

"Yes." Shelby answered though she didn't elaborate. She wanted to hear their reaction. She needed to know she was about to do the right thing.

"Is she…?" Hiram left his thought hanging in the air. It wouldn't have taken a rocket scientist to know what he was asking. Hiram wanted to know if Rachel was dead. He had given up all hope of seeing Rachel ever again.

"She's alive." Shelby said, a small smile gracing her lips and then fading. "I wouldn't say she's too well. She looks very thin and so very tired."

There were no sighs of relief on the other end of the phone and it angered Shelby. Her thoughts running rampant over what the two men were thinking, feeling. Finally, Hiram cleared his throat. "You- You let me speak to her right now." Came the angry, tear filled reply.

Shelby didn't know how to feel. She just didn't know. "She's not with me, Hiram. I haven't gotten that far yet."

"What do you mean you haven't gotten that far yet?!" Came Leroy's booming voice. "She's… She's a minor… why… why haven't you called the police? Are you telling me you found her and let her go? Shelby? Shelby! Answer me."

Shelby had never heard the man speak that way before. She hadn't been sure that Leroy was even capable of anger. Hiram? She expected reactions like that. Leroy? Not so much. Still, to an extent, Shelby could understand. "If you'll both just calm down; I'll be glad to explain my reasoning."

And Shelby did explain. She told them of how she found Rachel. She told them of the time they had spent together. And she told them how Rachel ran at one mention of family. She didn't tell them that she was meeting with the girl later in the day.

After calming the men down once again from their anger over Shelby's lack of proper action, Shelby explained how she felt Rachel was very much a flight risk. Then she explained her plan. It took much convincing, but Shelby pulled it off. The Berry's gave their consent with the promise of regular updates. They agreed not to come to New York just yet and they also agreed to notify the authorities that Rachel had been found. Thus giving Shelby a little more freedom to do as she felt she needed.

When Shelby hung up the phone, the first she did was email her lawyer. She knew with it being Sunday that she would have to wait for a response, but she would need a meeting with her as soon as possible. It was more of a precaution than anything though Shelby did believe, deep down, that it would come down to a bitter legal battle in the end. It was worth it though. Shelby would exhaust every last dime she had just to make sure her daughter was safe. She nodded at the laptop in resolution before getting on with her day. She had a lot of planning to do before 4pm.

* * *

Rachel fluttered around her apartment apprehensively. All day at work she had been fine, just fine, but now? What did Shelby think of her calling in the middle of the night? What was this proposition? Worry was pouring into every thought and she contemplated texting Shelby several times to cancel.

But when 4pm rolled around, Rachel found herself sitting in a booth at _Little Skips_ waiting for the woman who she regarded as a mentor. Rachel tapped her fingers on the table anxiously and then cupped her coffee with both hands taking a long drink. She didn't really need the extra energy. She was flowing with energy, but coffee had been her idea.

Her head popped up when the door swung open and she saw Shelby waltz in. The woman, who was usually so full of life, seemed tired and drained. Yet, when she caught Rachel's gaze, she smiled warmly and Rachel felt the instant comfort in it. Shelby made a motion toward the counter in which Rachel understood she was going to order her coffee and then come sit. Three minutes passed and then Shelby slid into the booth across from Rachel.

Rachel stared into her coffee as if it held the answers to the universe before looking up again. What could she say? Was Shelby really okay with singing her to sleep like she was her child? "I'm really sorry…" Rachel began but stopped abruptly when Shelby raised her hand.

"Don't be, okay?" Shelby said taking a deep breath and seemingly going over a thought in her mind. "It really was no problem at all."

"Are you sure because I know it was childish…" Rachel began again. Shelby just smiled.

"I'm very sure, Joanie. So you can stop being so nervous about being around me." Rachel blushed ferociously at being read so easily by someone.

After pushing away the embarrassment, Rachel's curiosity got the better of her. "You said… You have a proposition for me?"

Shelby smiled. "Yes, yes I do. Joanie, I want you to come work for me."

Rachel's mouth dropped in surprise. "Y-y-you… what?" Her brain couldn't comprehend it. Did Shelby just offer her a job?

"You understood me correctly. I said I want you to come work for me." Shelby laughed. "I'm in desperate need of an office assistant and would love to utilize your talent in the arts as well. I'm already using your ideas, Joanie, I might as well start paying you for them don't you think?"

Rachel was still in shock. Shelby Corcoran, a woman who she greatly revered and admired, wanted her, Rachel Barbra Berry… well Joanie Sands, to work for her. Her mind immediately jumped with excitement. Say yes, Rachel, say yes. That is until her mind started really thinking about it. Rachel's smile turned from surprised and happy to worried in an instant. How could she work for Shelby? Shelby was a respectable person. She would want to do things legally and Rachel… Rachel couldn't do that. "Can I… can I think about it?" Rachel looked up long enough to see a flash of hurt cross through Shelby's eyes and then the woman masked it quickly.

"Don't you want to hear what I'm offering first before you turn me down?" Shelby said almost timidly. It made Rachel frown with sadness and a little self loathing. Why couldn't she just accept the offer? Why did she have to be in this predicament?

"I'm not turning you down yet, Shelby, I just… there are some things you should know first before you offer me this job." Rachel sighed and it felt as if she was about to make a grave mistake, but she trusted Shelby. Or at least she thought she could trust Shelby. She wanted to. "I'm not who you think I am." Rachel said quietly and then lifted her eyes to meet Shelby's. It surprised her that Shelby was smiling, laughter was ALMOST dancing in her eyes and Rachel just couldn't gather why Shelby would be happy about this. Rachel's brows furrowed as she concluded that Shelby thought she was joking. "I'm serious, Shelby. My name isn't even Joanie. It's Rachel. I'm only…" Rachel paused for a moment considering how much she would let Shelby know. "I'm only fifteen so you can't even legally offer me much of a job!"

Shelby looked at Rachel and the girl noticed her smile was still as bright as ever. "Honey, you don't look a day over twelve. And Joanie Sands? Really Rachel? You could have come up with something a little more believable than that." Shelby said.

Rachel stared back at the woman indignantly. "What?! There is nothing wrong with that name! It's a perfectly good alias!"

Shelby cleared her throat though unable to contain her smirk and then adopted what Rachel thought was a decent try for a Brooklyn accent though it came off a little more Long Island. "Well, I was 18 and I wanted to be unique, but I didn't want to change my name because that was too false. You know, people were saying you could be Joanie Sands, or something like that. [My middle name is Joan.] And I said, 'No, let's see, if I take out the 'a,' it's still 'Barbara,' but it's unique."

"Oh my God!" Rachel squealed. "You really are a Streisand worshiper!"

"Any good Jewish girl is, kid." Shelby replied sharing a smile with the girl in front of her before turning serious. "So… how…" Shelby stumbled over her words a bit as she seemed to be fishing for the right words. "_Al's_?" She finally questioned.

Rachel's smile fell a bit at the serious turn, but this was her doing after all. She just wasn't sure how much to trust Shelby with yet. "I'm emancipated." Rachel began. She wanted to, but it was still too risky to tell Shelby that she had run away. Though, lying to Shelby now that she had to begin to reveal the truth was harder than Rachel had thought it would be. "My parents died and I didn't have anyone else."

Shelby gave a sad smile and Rachel chose to think nothing else of it. Then Shelby said something that shocked Rachel even more than offering her a job had done. A job offer she was sure was null and void now that Shelby knew she was only fifteen. "I have a daughter your age." Rachel's eyes almost popped out of her head. "I gave her up for adoption when she was born. I've never met her, but I think about her all the time. Your age changes nothing, okay? I… if anything it makes me want for you to have this job even more. No one should be on their own at fifteen."

Tears sprang to Rachel's eyes. "Shelby…" She began but Shelby shook her head no.

"Please let me help you, Rachel. You won't have to worry for anything, I promise. Honey, I've been watching you get thinner before my eyes. You seem so tired, and the nightmares?" Rachel watched Shelby wipe a stray tear from her right eye; still not believing what she was hearing. "You can even come live with me. I worry so much about you."

"Wait, what?" Now Rachel really couldn't believe it. "You want me to come live with you?"

"Okay, well yeah, it sounds a little crazy when you say it like that, but… your only fifteen." Shelby pleaded. "It's amazing you've made it out there this long on your own."

Rachel's features stilled and the shock she saw on Shelby's face knew her message was about to get through. "I have done very well for myself, thank you." Rachel stated defiantly. What other fifteen year old could do what she's done? Rachel could take care of herself.

"Rachel, I didn't mean it like that, please." Shelby tried to backtrack but Rachel was already offended. "I just think… you shouldn't have to take care of yourself."

"And you… you're going to be the one to take care of me? I'm not your daughter. I… you have no ties to me, Shelby." Rachel shook her head. On one hand this was almost a dream come true. She could… She wouldn't have to worry so much anymore. It could almost be like she had a real family. On the other hand it was so very dangerous. Wouldn't it just be a pretend family? What if this led to her father's finding out where she was? No. "I appreciate your offer, but…"

"Just think about it." Shelby said frantically. "I didn't mean to step on your toes, Rachel. You HAVE done very well for yourself. I just wanted to offer you the chance to still be a kid instead of being so grown up. Please, please, just think about it."

Rachel nodded, but knew she needed to leave now. If she stayed she feared she would make a rash decision. "I'll call you sometime tomorrow with an answer." Rachel vacated the booth and then hurried out of the cafe. She ran all the way home never looking back. She was so confused and felt torn in two. The whole offer was surreal. She could see where Shelby was coming from with as motherly as she felt the woman to be towards her, but… Shelby wasn't her mother.

The dam Rachel had welled up the entire evening broke. Shelby wasn't her mother. That's what she was really upset about; not that Shelby had barely insinuated that she wasn't doing a good job of taking care of herself. She had allowed herself a moment last night where her imagination had led her to want… to believe something that would never be true. Rachel desperately wanted to know what it would be like to have a mother, but what if Shelby just wanted to make sure she was ok out of some sort of pity? What if… would it be like Shelby was her mother? Or would they be like roommates? Shelby seemed like she was offering to take responsibility of her. Something that would be a relief to Rachel, but… there were so many buts. So many questions and Rachel wasn't sure she had enough answers to accept Shelby's offer.

_"It's lonely at the top, you know that."_

The words she had once uttered in front her mirror back in Ohio rang through her apartment. She wasn't at the top yet. Still, Rachel knew what her answer had to be. She had to protect herself emotionally and physically at all costs. She couldn't allow herself to feel like Shelby was her mother. It could make her too vulnerable and she couldn't take that chance and end up on a plane back to Ohio. She wouldn't take that chance. That thought alone crushed her. She so very much wished she could accept Shelby's proposition. For the first time, Rachel hated the fact that she had met Shelby Corcoran… if only because she would miss her so much.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**A/N: There is nothing like getting more reviews than you've ever gotten for one chapter before, in a 24 hour period nonetheless, to motivate you to post the next chapter sooner rather than later. You guys are wonderful! Best birthday present of the day :). Seriously, I am just blown away with how much you all like this story. It makes me want to write every chance I get and post more too lol! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, just thank you. Keep this up and you'll get another quick post too ;) Also thanks for all the birthday wishes!**

* * *

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

_"A Little Out Of Touch, Little Insane"_

Rachel had spent the entire night desolate and contrite. She didn't want to call Shelby and tell her what she needed to tell her. She didn't want to call Shelby at all. She was filled with guilt over what Shelby's reaction would be and despair over her own. And when morning came things were no different.

She awoke after maybe an hour or two of sleep. She cuddled with Tony. She talked to him about her feelings as if he were able to answer. She took a shower and got ready for a day of nothing- it was her day off after all. She cleaned her already spotless apartment. She prepared breakfast for herself and Tony. They ate in relative silence. When the silence became unbearable she played the Barbra records Mr. Moretti had bought her. When even that wasn't enough to pass the time, she tried working on routines and scales. Songs she would never get to share with Shelby again because she knew it had to be over.

Rachel sighed into the nothingness. Her apartment was so empty. She felt so empty here. Though she loved him so, even Tony wasn't enough any more. Rachel was lonely. So very lonely. And loneliness? It was no good for Rachel. It made her want to accept Shelby's offer all the more.

Her phone dinged alerting her that she had a new text message. Rachel felt relief wash over her. Rhonda wanted her to come have lunch with her, Aaron, and his cousin, whose family had recently moved to the city. Rachel told her she would be there. She could certainly use the distraction from all the emotion swimming in her head. It would be nice just to be around people who needed no real answers.

The restaurant was only a couple of blocks away from Rachel's apartment so she decided to walk. The fresh air would do her good. She had grown to love the sounds and scenery of her neighborhood. The smell of bread from a local bakery. Children laughing while skipping rope across the street. The sounds of horns blaring or cars screeching to a halt because every one thinks they have the right away here. The local fire station. The grocery store. A stray dog following the trash collectors. To anyone else maybe it was just noise or nuisance… but to Rachel it had become the scene of her very own play. She smiled and then laughed at herself when she noticed that she had begun to unconsciously whistle the title song from _Mr. Roger's Neighborhood_.

The walk didn't take as long as she had hoped as now the restaurant was clearly in sight. However, she picked up her pace a little more at the feeling of not spending the day alone. Then her current reality came to a life altering crash and burn.

"Rachel? Rachel Berry? Oh my God! It's really you!" Rachel looked up in horror at the voice. Her eyes widened in dread as she began to panic.

"M-m-matt? Matt Rutherford?" Rachel sputtered out at the boy who had called out her name.

"We thought you were… you just disappeared and…" The boy came walking toward her, rushing and pushing through a small crowd of people to get closer. At the site of him nearing, Rachel was finally sprung into action. She turned around and ran.

As she ran, questions started to pop up in her mind. What the hell was Matt Rutherford doing in Bushwick? Oh God, had the search finally made it here? Shit, they've found me! What do I do? What do I do?!

As Rachel's panic rose she ignored the pleading cries of her former school mate to stop. In an effort to dislodge him off her trail, she made rapid turns onto back alleys and side streets. She had to lose him. She had to get back to her apartment and… what if… what if the police were already there? Rachel ducked into a local bookstore, after turning back onto the avenue, to catch her breath. She watched from behind the shelves as Matt ran past the store. How had he followed her so well? Of all the people to find her, it had to be one of the football players? Geez.

The shopkeeper gave her a questionable look and Rachel tried but failed to give the man a reassuring smile. "Are you alright, Miss?" The man asked coming around from behind the counter.

"I'm fine." Rachel said off handedly. "Do you… do you have a back exit?"

The man nodded slowly but showed Rachel the way. Once out of the shop Rachel began to slowly walk through the darkened alley's. Where would she go? Could she go home? What if Matt had spoken to Rhonda or Aaron? What if somehow they all put two and two together? What was she supposed to do? She was at such a loss.

Rachel's phone started ringing with a call from Rhonda and tears sprung into her eyes. It was over. She couldn't have a good life in New York. She would be stuck wandering the streets… she'd have to dump her cell. She couldn't go back for her laptop… TONY. NO! This wasn't happening! She always knew it could happen, but she had always hoped that it wouldn't. She just wanted a happy life. Why couldn't they let her alone? Why wasn't she allowed happiness? She wiped the tears from her eyes and stared at the back entrance to the Moretti's shop. She couldn't chance it. Rachel turned around and headed to the nearest subway entrance. She had no idea where she was going, but she didn't feel like Bushwick was safe anymore.

Rachel road the train for a solid two hours trying to think of what to do next. She had come up with three choices. A) She could run, find a new city and build a new life elsewhere. B) She could try staying in New York, but she'd most likely be street bound. Or C) Rachel could accept Shelby's offer and hope that it would throw her would be captivators for a loop. If she could hide out with Shelby… maybe she'd be okay. There was a fourth option, but Rachel knew she could only go through with it if she had no other choice. Rachel exited out of the subway into Penn Station. With a shaky hand, Rachel dialed the number of the only person she could possibly trust now.

"Rachel?" Shelby's voice answered. "I wasn't expecting to hear from you until tonight."

"I'm sorry, Shelby. I didn't mean to interrupt your day. I know you have classes." Rachel said trying to sound as normal as possible.

"It's okay." Shelby quickly replied. "Are you alright? You sound upset."

"I-I'm f-f-fine." Rachel chastised herself for stuttering at a moment like this. The last thing she needed was for Shelby to be worried about her or worse, what if Shelby thought she was too much trouble and didn't want to take her in anymore? "I… Is your offer still on the table?" Rachel asked tentatively.

"Hold on." Shelby said. Rachel figured she must have been in a noisy room because the line became suddenly clear. "You still there?"

"Yeah." Rachel's answer was quiet. Her breath was shallow. She had no idea what Shelby was about to say but the woman hadn't immediately said that she could still have the job and a place to live. Her anxiety was stifling.

"Sorry, it was really loud in there. I wasn't sure I heard you correctly. Did you… can you repeat what you said earlier?" Shelby seemed almost as timid as Rachel felt at the moment. It caused a smile to graze the girl's face as some of the tension she felt started to melt away..

"I asked if your offer was still on the table?" Rachel repeated. Her anxiety began easing off even more. Like a veil being lifted, Rachel's breathing cleared up completely. Shelby just hadn't heard her or maybe Shelby just need the clarification of repetition.

The smile in Shelby's voice was evident. "Yes!" Shelby said almost too quickly. "Of course it is! You- You really want the job?"

"Yes." Rachel answered back. "And… and the room in your apartment if that's still okay too."

"Of course it's okay!" Shelby's excitement was contagious making Rachel momentarily forget the foreboding fear from earlier. "This is… are you sure this is what you want? Yesterday you seemed so…"

Rachel cut her off. "I was going to say no, but I… I changed my mind. I think it'll be good for me, you know? And I really love working in the arts. I know it's just an office job, but you said I could still help with the music and…"

"Yes! Yes of course. Wow, I honestly had resigned myself to thinking you were going to turn me down and…" Shelby trailed off taking a new direction. "When do you want to move in?"

"Is… is today too soon? I mean… no point in waiting right?" 'Please say yes, please say yes' Rachel chanted internally not wanting to go back to her apartment alone.

"Th-that's fine." Shelby said being caught a little off guard. "Do you want me to meet you at your apartment… I'll have to rent a moving truck. How much stuff do you have?"

Rachel chuckled and then sighed with relief. "I'm actually in Manhattan now. Maybe we can get the moving truck together and go? It doesn't have to be a big one. I actually don't have much stuff." Rachel worried her lip a bit before asking her next question. "You're not allergic to cats are you?"

Shelby laughed. "No Rachel. I'm not allergic to cats. Tony is more than welcome to come along as well."

Rachel beamed. Then sighed again with relief. "Okay. Thank you. Um… how do I… how do I get to your studio?" Rachel asked and then began doing her best to follow Shelby's directions toward her new home. Eventually she had to pull up her GPS on her phone though, she hadn't spent enough time in this particular area to really know her way around.

Rachel made it to the studio relatively quickly, once she had her phone leading her there, and Shelby had also somehow already procured a moving van. Rachel looked up at the building and was a little miffed that she wouldn't get to go inside yet, but it was already late in the afternoon. If she was going to be moving today, it needed to be done now. That and well, maybe all of the students would be gone when they got back. Rachel suppressed a sigh and the fact that she would definitely have to get used to being around people her own age again. She could worry about that later.

Rachel answered a text back from Rhonda explaining that she really just hadn't felt well and when Rhonda immediately answered saying she hoped she felt better, Rachel felt a little more relief. Maybe Matt hadn't talked with them. Maybe there would be no police at her apartment after all.

"Ready to go?" Shelby asked Rachel looking over at her as she buckled her seatbelt. Rachel smiled and nodded. She really hoped she was making the right decision.

* * *

Shelby pulled up in front of what Rachel had called her "apartment building" and immediately quirked an eyebrow at the girl. "You live above an old mom and pop electronics repair shop?"

"It's just me and Tony. The rent has been decent and the Moretti's are nice. There's nothing wrong with it." Shelby watched as Rachel looked all around them as if trying to spot a person in a crowd. She wondered what the girl was looking for but chose not to address it.

"Of course not. I didn't mean that. It's just… I don't…" Shelby was having a hard time explaining to Rachel that her home really didn't seem like the safest place for a fifteen year old to live at on her own. She had heard about Rachel's landlord's and she knew they were good people, but was there any other safeguards besides them? God, she was so glad Rachel was coming to live with her.

Shelby didn't really have to continue her line of thought as Rachel seemed to be mostly ignoring her. The girl jumped out of the van and went inside quickly. Shelby got out of the van too and followed her daughter into the store.

Shelby stood idly by as Rachel pulled who she assumed were the Moretti's to the side to explain that she was leaving them. She got a strange look from the two older pair, but then Rachel hugged their necks speaking in a voice too low for Shelby to comprehend the subject.

The three smiled at one another and then Rachel and the older gentleman went upstairs. Shelby moved to follow, but was held back by Mrs. Moretti. "Is there something I can…" Shelby began before being interrupted.

"She doesn't know does she?" Sheila began. Shelby just looked at her inquisitively. "She doesn't know that yer her mother."

"What?" Shelby questioned. "How did you…"

Sheila chuckled. "I'm a mother too, ya know? Got a grown son. Had a daughter Joanie's age once too. Other mothers… the good ones… they know these things."

Shelby smiled, but then it faded. "I'm a little afraid to tell her honestly. I don't want her to run from me. What if she hates me for giving her up so easily?" She didn't know why she was spilling all this information out to the woman in front of her, but it was overflowing nonetheless.

Sheila looked at Shelby with a knowing smile. "Ya know… when Joanie first came here…" Sheila paused. "That's not even her name is it?" Shelby shook her head no. "I knew it ya know? I knew she was just a kid. She was so lost when she came here and…" Sheila stopped for a moment and then switched thoughts. "I listened to that girl cry almost every night for a year… and then she met you. And it happened less and less." Tears sprung to Shelby's eyes at the older woman's words, but she refused to let them fall. "You're good for her and I think when the time comes, deep down, she'll know that."

"Thank you." Shelby said wiping at her eyes anyway. "Thank you for all that you've done."

"Don't mention it. She's a good kid. Reminds me of my Laura." Sheila wiped her own stray tear away. "Just don't let her be a stranger ya hear? Marty and I have grown fond of that one."

Shelby shook her head. "Never." These were the kind of people Rachel needed in her life. Shelby couldn't take that away from her even if she wanted too.

Shelby followed Sheila up the stairs after they composed themselves and for the first time got a look at where her daughter had been living. Her heart broke. There was barely anything there to even pack up. Rachel and Marty had a good bit of it in boxes already. And she and Mrs. Moretti had only been downstairs, what, ten minutes?

Marty and Sheila grabbed some boxes to take down to the van and Shelby looked over at Rachel who seemed to be lost in thought as she cuddled with a scraggily brown cat on her bed. "You okay?" Shelby asked.

Rachel looked up and nodded. "This is just the first place I ever lived in New York. I think… I think I might miss it." Rachel kissed the top of Tony's head and then placed him in the pet carrier next to her.

Shelby hummed in response sitting down next to Rachel. "I remember the first place I ever lived at in New York too. It was a barely there loft in Queens. I've definitely upgraded since then." Shelby nudged Rachel with her arm and the girl smiled.

"Do you miss it?" Rachel asked. Shelby smiled at Rachel's questioning gaze. Oh to be young again; filled with first experiences where everything is new and you don't know half of what you thought you did.

"I miss the memories from there. Being able to look at a spot and say this happened there." Shelby smiled fondly. "But I don't miss cold showers or drafty windows in the winter. Or broken air conditioning in the summer." Rachel laughed making Shelby's smile grow. "Places like this…" Shelby motioned around the room. "They… they have a way of making you appreciate the finer things in life. And that, my dear, you shouldn't trade for the world."

Shelby was taken by surprise as the two stood and Rachel threw her arms around her with a hug. "Thank you, Shelby. Thank you for giving me this opportunity and for… and for being my friend."

Shelby's heart was filled with joy. She pulled away from Rachel and looked her in the eye. "You don't have to thank me Rachel. I should be thanking you. I mean in a way you are giving me as much of a chance as I am giving you. We're in this together, right?" Rachel nodded with a smile, eyes brimming with unshed tears of happiness. "And anyone who doesn't want to be your friend is an idiot."

The two went about collecting Rachel's things until the apartment was as barren as the day Rachel moved in. They said goodbye to the Moretti's with Rachel promising to check in every once in a while and then they were on their way. Shelby smiled as Rachel sang along to the radio, joining in every so often herself. Now if she could just last a little while longer without blurting out the truth, just long enough to solidify the trust Rachel was giving her, maybe they would be okay. But Shelby decided not to think of that right now. No, all she wanted to think about was that she finally had her baby girl and she sure as hell was never gonna let her go.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**A/N: Great Scott! I am flabbergasted by the response to the last chapter. You guys… just wow. Thank you so so much! As long as you guys are liking the pace and content this much then I see no reason to slow down or stop (unless there are unforeseen circumstances which causes it but hopefully that won't happen). Keep letting me know what you think! **

**To answer a Guest question I was asked: First off, you addressed so much and it was great and made me a little giddy. Ok, now to answer your question! There are 17 chapters and an epilogue left after this one (that makes 34 in all including the Prologue and the Epilogue). I'm not sure if you meant that you didn't get PTSD because you haven't been through that or if you didn't think bullying would really lead to that. I'm gonna go with the later and try to explain a little more about PTSD and bullying. The studies weren't actually done until the past couple of years but PTSD has now been linked to bullying victims, especially girls (bullying has been over looked for so long that people didn't see the need to actually do the studies before on the psychological effect it has). The studies are very conclusive and they have recently broadened the DSM definition of PTSD to include a series of smaller non life threatening yet traumatic events (no longer just a single life threatening event). It's called complex PTSD and symptoms include anxiety, depression, withdrawal, suicidal tendencies, drug and alcohol abuse and emotional issues (you'll notice Rachel has 4 out of the 6 and almost 5 out of the six if you count the few times she's considered suicide as a last option). This is a very simple definition and I don't feel the need to really get into the complexity of the disorder, even later on in the story. Though Rachel has many issues I wouldn't even go as far as to say it's a severe problem here even. She is still functioning rather well despite her symptoms. Mostly she has just developed this over the last year and it has been escalating into more of a problem. She also has had little to no support system. Now that she does have a support system some of it will start to change, but nothing unfortunately goes away over night. I'm not sure if I'll have her diagnosed with the actual disorder or not. It may be more like Rachel is experiencing symptoms of PTSD instead of something full blown where therapy needs to be an absolute. Most of the story is planned out but there are things here and there (like whether to include a therapist) that I am still on the fence about. Anyways lol I'll cover all this again in chapter 20 where, after having Rachel living with her for a while, Shelby starts to REALLY see the daily struggle going on in the girl, rather than just speculating it. So I'm not really just taking creative liberties here- it's an actual possibility for Rachel to develop PTSD under these circumstances. Remember that Rachel's bullying and how she reacts to it in this story is more severe than on the show. At least to me. Hopefully that helps out though. I am glad you brought that point up and as always I am glad to answer questions or clear things up however I can! **

**To those of you who guessed that Matt is Aaron's cousin... you're right :)**

**Sorry this note was so long, but I really wanted to get the answer/clarification in to that review. As always thank you all for reviewing, reading, favoriting and following. You guys are truly the best ever!**

* * *

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

"Runaway Train Tearing Up The Track"

Life with Shelby wasn't going to be all roses and butterflies, Rachel could see that now. Not that Shelby was going to be a horrible person to live with, it's just Rachel had forgotten how to live with someone. She honestly wondered with as much time as she spent on her own if she ever knew in the first place.

They moved Rachel into her new room fairly easy and Rachel got to decorating. A lot of her stuff from her old apartment wasn't needed anymore so she kept them boxed and Shelby put them into storage for her. Shelby also offered to take Rachel shopping for some things, but Rachel declined. She could go buy her own things later, for now, she was happy with what she had already had.

Tony jumped onto the bed and purred. He had been M.I.A. ever since Rachel had let him out of his carrier, probably exploring his new home and what not, but he was back in Rachel's room now begging for attention. Rachel was happy to oblige.

She plopped down next to him and Tony immediately curled onto her lap. She picked him up and cradled him like a baby. He was her baby.

Rachel scratched his belly and kissed the top of his head garnering a soft purr. She sighed and laid back on the bed shifting a tad so she was on her side and could still hold Tony properly. It was clear he was going no where anytime soon.

"Everybody wants to be a cat," Rachel began to sing. "Because a cat's the only cat who knows where it's at." Rachel smiled down at Tony who appeared to be smiling back. "Everybody's pickin' up on that feline beat, 'cause everything else is obsolete."

"Disney huh?" Shelby asked from the open door startling the girl and cat on the bed. "Sorry. I didn't mean to… I mean the door was open and…" Shelby sighed shaking her head.

"It's okay." Rachel piped up as she moved to a sitting position bringing Tony with her. "St. Anthony and I don't mind company. Do we?" Tony meowed in response as he often did when talked too.

"St. Anthony?" Shelby questioned. "Is that his full name?"

"St. Anthony of Bushwick… though I guess it's Manhattan now? I'm not sure how titles work." Rachel answered.

Shelby chuckled. "How'd you come up with a name like that?" She sat down beside Rachel and ran a hand over Tony's fur. The extra attention made him purr louder.

Rachel began to explain about her unfortunate stint as a Jewish girl in a Catholic school. "The cashew jokes were horrible…" Rachel mentioned falling off subject for a moment as Shelby listened intently, interested in every word. "And anytime the other kids tried to make fun of me for my Jewish features, I had to point out that both Jesus and Mary were Jews. But that's neither here nor there anymore." Rachel said closing that part of the subject.

Shelby said reiterating Rachel's earlier point. "So you decided to name him after the patron saint of lost things? Why's that?"

"Well for a long time I thought it was because he was lost and I found him." Rachel scratched under Tony's chin and he sat up leaning in for more contact. "But I think… I realized, I was the lost one. Tony, he, found me." Tony stretched his legs and butted his head against Rachel's chin that was lowered. It was as if he knew what had been said and was agreeing yet trying to comfort his owner at the same time.

"I'm glad he found you, Rachel." Shelby looked at the two with a fond smile. Rachel barely saw it from the corner of her eyes. She wasn't used to being so open with people without reprimand so she was afraid to look up. "And I'm glad I found you too."

Rachel couldn't help but look up at that. "Really?" She asked the older woman sitting next to her.

"Really." Shelby answered with a nod. She got up to leave and Rachel wished she wouldn't. Just as she was about to try and come up with some mindless conversation that would make Shelby stay, the woman spun around and began to sing. "Now a square with a horn, can make you wish you weren't born, ever'time he plays."

Rachel's smile went full scale as she took the next part. "And with a square in the act, he can set music back to the caveman days."

Rachel jumped up from her bed as she began to dance around the room with Tony still in her arms. She and Shelby traded verses and sang together until the song was finished. Then they retired to the living room where Shelby announced that they should actually watch _The Aristocats_. Apparently the woman had a copy of every Disney movie every made. Rachel knew in that moment that she really would have no problem living with Shelby. None of it felt awkward… it felt like… it felt like it could be home.

* * *

Shelby woke up more refreshed than she had in a while. Yesterday had been surprisingly perfect. She had really thought Rachel was going to turn her down and that she was going to have to take some drastic measures like having her supers evict her or something, but that would have been horrible on Shelby's part. She would have felt guilty and well… when Rachel eventually found out she would most likely lose more of the girl's trust. That was something Shelby couldn't afford. She felt like she was walking on thin ice as it was, not telling Rachel that she was her biological mother.

Shelby groaned as she got out of bed. It was just after 7am and she was in desperate need of drowning herself in a large cup of liquid gold. Oh no, wait she thought… that was oil, right? She didn't want to drown in oil. Gross. She was definitely not functional yet.

"Shit!" Shelby said as she tripped over Tony and falling onto the edge of the counter. "Ow… Tony why'd you do that?" All she got was a meow in response as the cat jumped onto the counter in front of her. "No! You should not be up here." Shelby said picking him up and placing him back on the floor. He promptly jumped back up. Shelby sighed. "Please don't destroy my furniture." She had already resigned herself to the fact that the cat would always win. Rachel was severely attached to him and how was Shelby supposed to ever tell her no?

Why was she in the kitchen anyway? Oh yes! Rocket fuel! Cupped lightening! Speed juice! C8H10N4O2! Shelby couldn't quite grasp how she knew the molecular formula for caffeine or how she could recall it at the moment, but she pressed on nevertheless. There was coffee that needed to be brewed and gulped down as if it held gave her the answers to the universe. Shelby smiled… she was probably hyped up on coffee when she learned that molehill formation… molecule foundation… oh! Whatever it was!

Cup of Joe finally in hand, Shelby sat down at her laptop which she had previously left on the kitchen table. She opened it up to find that she had an email from her lawyer stating that he believed she had a decent case against the Berry's should she choose legal action. The fact that Rachel ran away might work against them but he believed that if they could get the judge to focus on why Rachel left in the first place they would win. Of course in order to do that Rachel would most likely have to testify. That part was something Shelby would rather spare her daughter from.

She glanced over to Rachel's door and noticed it was cracked just a bit. She hadn't heard any screaming or crying throughout the night so she felt that was a good sign that Rachel hadn't had a nightmare. Still, she had the overwhelming urge suddenly to check on the slumbering girl. She creaked the door open and peeked her head in the barely lit room. She opened the door wider to make sure what she was seeing was correct. No one was there.

Stepping in fully, Shelby began to panic. Where was her daughter?! She should… she should be in her room. Why is she not in her room?!

Shelby checked the closet, under the bed, the bathroom, everywhere she could think of but really where would the girl hide in their apartment? Why would she hide? Oh God, what if she didn't hide? What if she left? What if she ran? What if she was kidnapped?

Shelby was unable to think rationally as her fears began to take over. She ran into her room and put on the first set of clothes she saw. She didn't care if she matched. She didn't care if they were dirty. All she cared about was finding her baby.

She checked the entire building from top to bottom, even disturbing her very cranky business partner in search for Rachel. She had no luck. "Calm down, Shelby. Maybe she went for a run or something?" Shelby said to herself. She pulled out her phone and dialed Rachel's number. No answer. She called again. Still no answer. Shelby began sending texts frantically. _Rachel please answer me. Rachel call me. Rachel, where are you?_ None of them received an answer.

It was after 8am now. Technically she was supposed to be opening the studio. Technically she should be welcoming her class of college students that came in before their regular classes. She scrabbled a note down and posted it on the door as she left running into some of said students. "I can't do classes today. I'm so sorry." She told them as she ran toward the nearest train exit.

Shelby looked through the windows of every store, every coffee shop, and down every alley as she headed down the avenue. She kept redialing Rachel's number and she was scared beyond belief at this point having received no answers. She descended the stairs and looked around the station. She felt sick. Where was her daughter? Why wasn't she answering? Dread washed over her as she chose to run back up the stairs. She didn't have reception on the subway.

Shelby was trying to hold it together but the more time that passed the more worried she got. She had called three hospitals and the police station with no luck. The best law enforcement could offer was to put out an AMBER Alert, but they would have to do an investigation to determine if it was an abduction first. When Shelby started to explain that she didn't know if it was an abduction or if her daughter had ran away again the officer said that it would most likely be best if she came to the station to file a runaway claim seeing as Rachel had a history of running. Shelby knew where that would lead… absolutely nowhere. She finally hung up with the station and felt like breaking down into tears. She'd hold it together a little while longer and if she didn't find Rachel then she would go to the police station though she really didn't know what good that would do. Rachel had a knack for disappearing.

Another half hour searching Manhattan had gotten her no place at all. She had even called the studio to see if Rachel had come home yet, but there was no sign of the fifteen year old. Shelby hailed a cab and decided to pay the hefty fee to get a ride to Brooklyn. The train would have probably been a better option but Shelby was still trying to get ahold of Rachel via phone.

By the time she had made it to _Moretti's Electronics_, Shelby was close to being in pieces. She rushed into the store and frantically explained that she couldn't find Rachel and that she was worried and scared. The Moretti's told her that they hadn't heard from Rachel since yesterday and it was the final straw that caused Shelby to completely break down.

Marty and Sheila sprung into action. Sheila taking Shelby by the hand to have her sit down while Marty began calling around to the few places he knew Rachel frequented. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost her." Shelby cried. "One… day… isn't… enough." Sheila tried to console her but was having no luck.

Sheila looked up at Marty when he came back into the back room with a smile. "She's okay?" Sheila asked causing Shelby to raise her head quickly.

"She's at Al's. Been there since the start of her shift. He's gonna have her call." Marty said. Shelby didn't know whether to be relieved or to feel like a complete idiot. Why hadn't she thought of the diner?

Shelby's phone rang as the screen began lighting up with Rachel's number. She wiped the tears from her eyes and took a calming breath before answering. "Hello?"

"Shelby?! I-I'm so sorry. Oh my God, you called so many times! I had it on silent. I don't use it during work hours." Rachel began rambling. "I didn't mean to worry you. Al said you went to the Moretti's? I'm… I'm..."

Shelby chuckled. It was so good to hear Rachel's voice. "You nearly gave me a heart attack this morning, kid."

"I didn't think… I thought it would be okay. I mean… I didn't know you wanted me to let you know if I left or what… I'm not sure what the protocol is on this and we didn't really talk about anything." Rachel rushed out. "I had to come in to Al's this morning. I couldn't just quit with such a short notice. I had to at least talking to him face to face. You didn't say you wanted me to start working for you today? I don't remember having that conversation."

"It's okay, Rachel." Shelby started, but then chose to ammend it. "Well, no, it's not really okay. I'm responsible for you now. I know you are used to doing things on your own, but your still a… I think we should sit down and talk about this, you know?"

"O-o-okay." Rachel answered nervously. "I-I-I'm not in trouble am I?" She asked.

Shelby's heart broke. How could Rachel be so grown up in one moment and yet so little in another. "Oh no, sweetheart, of course not." She answered not realizing the term of endearment she had used. "We just… I think we should lay down some ground rules that's all. So something like this doesn't happen again."

"I… My shift ends in an hour." Rachel almost whispered. Shelby could tell the girl was getting more upset by the minute.

"Rachel, it's okay. I promise you aren't in trouble." Shelby said calmly. "I'm not mad. I was just- scared. I thought something had happened to you."

"I'm sorry." Came the broken cry through the phone. "I'm so sorry. I'll be better. I can be better."

"Oh honey," Shelby wished she could just wrap her arms around her daughter and never let go. Shelby smiled at the Moretti's and mouthed that she was going to go, thanking them as well. "You are perfect just the way you are. So none of this 'I can be better' stuff okay?" Shelby said walking down the street on her way to the diner.

"I just… I've ruined everything. I always ruin everything. Please don't leave me. I don't want to be alone anymore." The more Rachel talked, the more Shelby's heart broke. She could seriously hurt Leroy and Hiram for their part in this. And everyone at that damn high school for that matter too.

"I'm not going anywhere, Rachel. You haven't ruined a thing. And you are never going to be alone again." Shelby had sped up her pace and some how made it to the diner in record time. She was still on the phone with Rachel when she walked through the door. Al saw her enter and motioned for her to come through to the back. He led her to the rear entrance and when Shelby stepped out she saw her daughter sitting on the asphalt head buried in her knees and clutching her phone for dear life.

Shelby closed her cell and pocketed it. She gently bent down and placed a hand lightly on Rachel's shoulder. The girl looked up, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Shelby was, suddenly, knocked over as Rachel barreled herself into her arms. "I'm sorry. I'll never leave like that again. I'll always leave a note or tell you. I can do better. I can be the best. I promise, I promise, I promise." Were the words begged into her ear. Shelby held on to her with everything she had trying to calm the girl down. A few minutes passed before she was finally successful.

Shelby cradled a very worn down Rachel in her lap as they sat on the dirty pavement. "I think we should go home? How about you?" She asked lightly as Rachel dried the last of her tears.

Rachel nodded with a smile. "I need to talk to Al first." She said standing up and then offering her hand to help Shelby up as well.

"Alright. I'm going to hail us a cab. I think the subway might be a little too crowded for me right now." Shelby knew that, even though she was calmer now, Rachel had been through enough anxiety for the day. Skipping the subway and paying extra for a cab would be no problem at all.

They made it back to the apartment safe and sound. Upon entering, Rachel immediately scooped up Tony and sat on the couch. He was like her security blanket, Shelby noticed. Shelby smiled at the two and wished she could take a picture, but she guessed there would be a time for that later on down the line. She grabbed a pen and a pad of paper off her desk and then sat next to the pair.

"Rule number one." Shelby said as she wrote. "Always tell each other where we are going so the other doesn't freak out and run around town like a crazy person about to have a heart attack." Rachel laughed a genuine hearty laugh at Shelby's dramatics causing Shelby herself to break out into laughter of her own. They each came up with an elaborate set of rules that would help them out in the future and make life living together, hopefully, easier. In the process, Rachel let it slip that she had dropped out of high school. Shelby instantly stated that they would have to remedy that and suggested they look into a home school or online program. Rachel looked relieved at the prospect of not having to go back to an actual high school. She didn't know that Shelby would never put her back into a situation like that unless it was what Rachel wanted.

Despite their rough start to the day, the two ended it on a much better note of take out and _The Wizard of Oz_. They had hit their first road block together and survived. Maybe, Shelby thought, she wouldn't be so bad at this mom thing. She knew she still had a lot to learn, but the prospect of what could be lingered on her mind. She needed to formulate a plan for Rachel to find out who she was. She didn't know how much longer she could withhold the information, but it wasn't something she could just throw on Rachel either. In the end, she decided to put off thinking about it and just enjoy her girl's night in with the most important person to her in the world.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**A/N: Thank you guys for the continued love you've been sending me. There is some more emotional turmoil in this chapter (which has pretty much become the staple for this fic, huh?). It has been in the plans to happen all along, but I don't know if I'm really happy with it. I think it's because I don't like knocking Shelby off her pedestal and it pretty much happens twice in this chapter. Alas, I've always thought it was going to be needed though to show more of the inner conflict going on inside the main characters. They are both changing and adapting to a new life rather quickly and I feel if I don't show that conflict then things are just too simple. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am using this chapter to help show that character development is happening and yet still needed... does that make any sense at all? And if the chapter seems completely horrible let me know and I'll take a step back and try and revaluate my plot. BTW: Some of you are asking when the big reveal/revelation will happen: I have it planned for somewhere around chapters 22-24. There are a couple of new subplots I have to wrap up before we get there so hold tight! As always thank you for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting!**

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**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

_"Like A Madman Laughing At The Rain"_

It had been two weeks since Rachel started working for Shelby. Things between the two had been going well. Yep, Shelby was great. It was Shelby's business partner that wasn't so great.

Cassandra July, or as Shelby usually called her "Sandy," was quickly becoming a thorn in Rachel's side. For some reason, and for the life of her Rachel didn't know what, Cassie seemed to hate Rachel. Or at the very least had it out for her. Sure, Rachel had heard the rumors of Ms. July's failed broadway extravaganza, and maybe she really was "Crazy," but it sure wasn't a good enough reason to treat Rachel like crap… at least that's what Rachel thought.

Rachel sighed as she gathered the woman's schedule for morning delivery. She knew as soon as she walked into the room she would become target number one. Rachel just wished she knew why. Why would Cassie treat her this way? On more than one occasion she thought of asking Shelby, but then Rachel didn't really want to cause trouble between the two. They had a weird enough friendship as it was. Friendship was really putting it lightly, Rachel thought. Their relationship was nothing like hers and Shelby's.

Shelby was a completely different person outside of the studio. Not that she was bad inside the studio, Rachel quickly corrected her thoughts. Because Shelby was always nice to her. She was just a little too hard on some of the students.

Rachel sighed again, the students. She had been proud of herself for not completely falling apart when dealing with them every day, but a good many of them had reminded her of McKinley. They walked around like they own the place… well until Shelby or Cassie put them back into place.

Rachel cringed… she wasn't so sure she could handle being in either one of their classes. Talent wise? She belonged. But Rachel knew she no longer had the tough exterior she once paraded around the halls at her former high school. She most definitely knew she couldn't handle it if Shelby were to ever criticize her. Though, she expected it from Cassie. Still, Rachel was determined to build that tough exterior back up. She wasn't going to let Cassie ruin her new life.

"Schwimmer! Where is my schedule at?! I should've had it five minutes ago. What the hell? We aren't paying you to sit around and daydream all day!" Cassie's loud and booming voice came from one of the dance rooms. The studio hadn't opened yet for the day and Shelby was still upstairs. Rachel was free reign when Shelby wasn't around and she knew it.

"I have them right here, Ms. July. I was just about to…" Rachel said rushing to the dance room. Cassie met her halfway and then snatched the papers from her hands.

"Did you mop the dance floors last night, Schwimmer?" Cassie asked looking through her schedule. Her eyes never once meeting Rachel's anxious stare.

"Y-y-yes, Ms. July. Of course I did." Rachel answered. Cassie always made her nervous. Especially when Rachel knew the insults were there waiting on the tip of the dance instructor's tongue. She'd suffer through them though. Rachel needed to belong here more than anywhere else.

"Well, you missed about forty or so spots in Room 2. I swear it's like someone poured syrup on them!" Cassie retorted shoving a mop into Rachel's hand. "Clean them again and this time I better be able to see my fucking reflection in them. Do you hear me, Schwimmer?!"

"Y-yes, Ms. July. The floors will be immaculate." Rachel stuttered taking the mop and heading to the second dance room. She knew the floors were spotless. This was just Cassie getting her kicks. Rachel got to mopping again, nonetheless. She would endure Cassie's wrath because it meant that she got to stay with Shelby. The trade off was worth it.

8 AM rolled around and Rachel had just finished drying the floors. Normally in the evening she just let them air dry, but there were students on the way and the last thing the studio needed was a lawsuit because some kid slipped on a wet spot.

"Rachel, what are you doing?" Shelby asked from the doorway. Rachel's head jetted up from her work. "You cleaned that room last night. I remember because I helped."

"M-Ms. July said…" Rachel began. She was, however, interrupted.

"Rach, I've told you time and time again that it's okay to call her Cassie. She's not your teacher here and to be quite frank it's probably only making her head bigger with all this Ms. July stuff." Shelby smiled and gestured wildly, then offered her hand to help Rachel up off the floor.

Rachel laughed. Shelby was right. Cassie's head was getting bigger. "She said it was sticky. I must not have gotten all the soap off last night." Rachel knew she had gotten the soap and she knew that Shelby knew that as well, but this was Rachel's way of trying to keep the peace.

Shelby's brow furrowed. "Rachel?" She asked suddenly. Rachel hummed in response though refusing to look at Shelby. "You'd tell me if anyone was giving you a hard time, right?"

Rachel bit her lip, but nodded out a lie anyways. "Of course, Shelby." She knew she probably should tell Shelby that Cassie seemed to have such a great disdain for her, but Rachel was afraid if it came down between the two of them that Shelby would choose Cassie's side. And that was something Rachel couldn't handle.

Shelby meant more and more to her as each day passed. She was the closest thing Rachel had ever had as a mom. And even though Rachel knew she shouldn't think of Shelby that way, She couldn't lose that. She wouldn't.

"Okay then." Shelby said quietly. Rachel chanced a glance at the woman and saw the confusion written clearly on her face. Rachel may have been a damn good actress, but it turns out she couldn't lie very well at all.

Rachel sighed. "I'm okay, Shelby. Cassie's different. Rough around the edges, but it's all okay. You don't have to say anything." Rachel hoped it would appease the woman enough to keep quiet, but one more fleeting glance told her it wouldn't. That trouble Rachel didn't want to cause? It was about to hit the fan.

* * *

Shelby nodded and gave a tight smile to the girl in front of her. Rachel was downplaying things. It was obvious. Shelby hadn't seen or heard Cassie say anything out of the ordinary towards Rachel, but there was something going on and Shelby was going to find out. Rachel went back to finish drying the floor and Shelby left the room in search of one Cassandra July.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Shelby yelled throwing open the door to Cassie's office and slamming it shut. Cassie didn't even look up from her desk.

"Well good morning to you too, sunshine. I see we have had our coffee this morning and have ACTUALLY ARRIVED TO WORK, all bright eyed and bushy tailed too." Cassie commented, her words dripping with sarcasm.

"DO NOT, play dumb with me right now, San! Why did you have Rachel clean the dance room again?" Shelby ignored the smirk Cassie was giving her and slammed her hand on the desk.

"It was sticky, Riz." Cassie answered with a shrug as if it were that simple. She rearranged the papers that Shelby had knocked out of order.

"I helped her with that room last night, Cass. It was spotless." Shelby's tone was dangerously low. Something about the idea of her business partner even remotely treating her daughter wrongly did not sit well with her.

"Must've happened sometime throughout the night or maybe this morning then. All I know is that my dance floors were not up to par, Shelby." Cassie had an arrogance about her that made Shelby want to slap her.

"Bullshit." Shelby called it fair and square. Just like she saw it.

Cassandra rolled her eyes. "No. Bullshit is hiring a fifteen year old to do an adult's job. Bullshit is not even consulting your business partner before hiring said TEENAGER. BULLSHIT is your fucking middle name Corcoran!" Cassie's voice had begun to elevate as the two women now stood eye to eye.

Shelby shook her head. She did not need this right now. They had students on the way, if not already here. "She's my kid, Sandy."

"And since when do I ever give anyone special treatment? Look… I get it okay? You're doing what you gotta do to get her to trust you or whatever. But as much as you would like to pretend to be right now, you are not her mommy. Her mother yes. Her mom no. You're an egg donor. An incubator." Shelby felt the statement hit her hard and turned away from the blonde. "Despite the fact that I think all of this is a horrible idea, and believe me- if it doesn't hit you in the ass it'll be a miracle, Rachel is our EMPLOYEE. And you know how I work. If she wants my respect, she'll have to earn it just like everyone else. I don't do charity, Shelby. Kid or no kid. And until she asks you to do otherwise… let her handle her own battles." Cassie left the office leaving Shelby to think over everything she had just said.

Shelby sighed. Cassie wasn't right, but she wasn't wrong either. Shelby had always known how to handle her business partner but for once she was at a loss. Rachel hadn't asked Shelby to step in. She had, in fact, told her she was fine. That everything was okay. Did she have the right to act all Mama Bear in her kid's favor when her kid didn't even know she was her kid? Maybe Shelby was going about all of this the wrong way? Maybe she shouldn't have offered all this up… maybe she should've just told Rachel who she was from the beginning, but she couldn't tell Rachel all that now could she? No, she was stuck with this bad plan now.

"You've made your bed and now you've got to lie in it." Shelby mumbled leaving Cassie's office and heading towards her own. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even she the subject of them approach her.

"Shelby, are you okay?" Rachel asked jarring Shelby from her thoughts. Shelby looked up at the girl and smiled.

"I'll be fine. I just… I have a lot on mind this morning." Rachel hummed in response, as if contemplating what to say next. "No need to worry about me, Kiddo." Shelby offered up a half hearted smile and poked Rachel lightly in the shoulder.

"I can handle it." Rachel said looking Shelby straight in the eye. "I've been through a lot. I can handle whatever she throws at me."

"You shouldn't have to." Shelby sadly replies. "You won't have to. I'll talk to her again."

"That's a really nice gesture, Shelby." Rachel said with a smile. "No one's ever tried to stand up for me before and you don't know how much I appreciate that. How much it really means. You know… I've ran from bullies far less intimidating than Cassandra July… even if… even if really they were worse. But you can't imagine how exhausting it all is. I'm tired of running, Shelby."

This was it? This was her moment right? Rachel was tired of running… there was no need to withhold the information any longer. She should just tell her the truth, right? Shelby decided to go for it. "Rachel, I'm your…"

"You're my guardian or responsible for me now or whatever, I know." Rachel interrupted. "I get that you want to protect me. Just do me a favor and hold back for a while okay?" Rachel looked up to Shelby and smiled sadly. "I… I don't need you to step in. It's probably causing more trouble than necessary. It's not even that big of a deal." Rachel said quickly, patting Shelby's shoulder, and rushing her way to the front desk to answer the phone that had started ringing.

Shelby stood frozen in the hallway. Out of everything her daughter had just said to her she could only focus on one thing, Rachel had just told her she didn't need her. Shelby slipped into her own office and shut the door twisting the lock. She slid down the door and buried her head in her knees as her heart broke into a million pieces. What if Rachel didn't want a mother? The thought made Shelby despair even more.

Shelby had never once even considered that to be an option, but there it was hanging on the forefront of her brain as she questioned everything she had done in the last year. Now… not only did she have to gain the girl's trust, but would she have to prove to Rachel that she needed her? Hell, Shelby had only had Rachel for a short time, but she already knew she could never live without her.

Shelby pulled herself off the floor and steeled her features. If Rachel didn't want a mother, then Shelby would resign herself to being her friend. If only it were so simple, Shelby thought. Her feelings contradicting each other. This new information only made things ten times more complicated and if Shelby had thought the day couldn't get any worse… she was wrong as her phone rang with another call from the ever impatient Dad's Berry.

"Hello." Shelby answered. She thought about letting the call go to voicemail, but God, what if they called the studio and Rachel answered?

"Shelby, It's Hiram." Of course, it is, Shelby thought. "It's been far too long since your last call. This is becoming ridiculous. Have you made any progress at all?"

"Yes." Shelby could elaborate, but she didn't want to. She was worried if she told them that Rachel was living with her now that they would take the first flight out to New York.

"Well?" Hiram asked. Shelby could tell from the inflection in his voice that his lack of patience grew by the second.

"I'm trying to take things slowly, Hiram. I don't want to scare her into running again." That was partially true… though Shelby no longer knew for sure if Rachel would actually run from her.

Hiram sighed across the line. "I know you don't think much of us Shelby, but she is our daughter. I don't know what you are doing with her there, but your lack of information has caused us to worry. Shelby… please don't make us regret trusting you."

Shit, Shelby thought. Just when she would convince herself that the Berry men didn't deserve Rachel, they would say something like this and Shelby would feel guilty for doing what she was doing. Then she would remind herself that this was for Rachel's benefit. At least that was what she would do before, but now she wasn't sure if she was what was best for Rachel or not. "Just give me a few more months, Hiram. Please… I just… I know she's not ready."

Hiram agreed, though he made no guarantees on how long the agreement would stand, and hung up the phone. Shelby sighed in relief, but then tensed up again. Things were just going to get harder from here on out. If she wanted to keep Rachel she was going to have to work harder. She'd have to. It would devastate Rachel if Shelby were to send her back and then all hopes at a real mother-daughter relationship would be gone.

Shelby opened up her door and walked out of the office. As much as she wanted to sit at her desk and formulate some new plan, she couldn't. For now, Rachel was safe and Shelby had a business to attend to. She could worry about everything else later.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

A/N: KC & Tlgonzal: I promise that Rachel isn't unphased by Cassie's bullying. She's trying to ignore how much it does get to her. It's going to slowly build up from here until it comes to a head. Her subconscious isn't going to let her ignore it like she wants.

Sorry this took a bit of time to get out. Thank you all for the feedback and keep it coming! I enjoy reading every note wether small or big. You all are such wonderful people.

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**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

_"Wrong Way On A One Way Track"_

_Well, Well, Well… What do we have here Schwimmer?_

Rachel sat straight up in bed. Great, just what she needed. Cassie was making her way into her nightmares. For the last two weeks she had tried to pretend that she was okay. She didn't want to go crying to Shelby. She didn't want to break down. BUT, she could feel it coming.

Cassie didn't always pick on her. A lot of times Cassie preferred to ignore her altogether, but it was the nickname… the look she gave her. It was a look she knew all too well. The studio was quickly becoming the halls of McKinley High School and Rachel was beginning to fear what would happen next.

Rachel got out of bed and decided to get ready for the day. There was no point in trying to go back to sleep. She would get her fill of Cassie later. For now, maybe she could keep herself busy enough not to think of her new tormentor and comparing that to her old tormentors.

8am finally rolled around and Rachel sat down at her desk downstairs. Suddenly, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she felt the foreboding presence of a woman she wished she didn't have to see today. "Floors look good today, Schwimmer. Finally learning a little something? About time." Cassie's remark made Rachel cringe despite the fact that it was more positive than she was used to. Rachel found herself unable to give a reply though and as she refused to even look at her she missed the look of confusion that crossed Cassie's features. "I'm taking a personal day. I've already sent out mass emails and texts, but some students still like to show up and use the dance rooms."

Rachel nodded. "Is there anything else you need, Ms. July?" She said finding her voice and feeling as if she could finally breathe a little more.

"No." Cassie said turning to leaving. There were a few things Cassie felt she could've said in that moment, but it would have ruined her plans. She'd give Schwimmer a break for the next couple of days and then jump back in the game head first.

Rachel sighed with relief once Cassie was gone. She jumped, however, when Shelby sneaked up on her next. "Hey kiddo! Ready for the day? Woah… didn't mean to scare you! Everything okay?" Rachel peeked up at the woman long enough to notice Shelby staring daggers at Cassie's retreating figure. "She didn't say anything to you did she, Rach?"

"Just that she's taking a personal day." Rachel answered. Shelby didn't need to know about the name calling. Rachel still wanted to try and handle this on her own. She had dealt with bullies before. She didn't have any help then. She didn't need any help now. At least not yet… though if she starts having more nightmares…

"Really? A personal day? Sandy never… You know what? Let's just forget about her and enjoy a day with out all the extra crazy running around." Shelby said giving Rachel a wide smile.

Rachel returned it with a nod. "Here's your schedule, Shelby." Rachel handed over the paper letting the woman know who she was privately tutoring today and what classes she had.

"Thanks! Oh and thank you for making breakfast and starting the coffee pot this morning. You really didn't have to." Shelby added in the last part. She knew Rachel was an early riser most days, but she had a plethora of foods prepared this morning. That could only mean Rachel was up earlier than usual, right?

"I was up. Needed something to do and with everything you're doing for me…" Rachel shrugged. She wanted to tell Shelby she had a nightmare. She really did, but something was keeping her from it. Maybe it was the fear that Rachel need not get so attached? She was becoming unsure of how permanent this situation was and though she didn't want to lose it… she knew she still could.

"Hey, how do you think you did on that test you took last night?" Shelby asked not wanting to leave her daughter just yet. She had hoped Rachel would tell her what was really on her mind, but was dealing with the fact that it wasn't coming.

"Honestly?" Rachel answered. "It was really easy. I fully expect to receive the highest mark available."

"That's my girl!" Shelby said proudly without thinking. The two looked at each other with widened eyes of shock before Rachel smiled brightly and Shelby returned it. Shelby, thinking it went over pretty well, placed her hand lightly on Rachel's shoulder. "You'll have that year made up sooner than you think if you keep it up. They told me they'd allow for a higher placement testing if you did well after the quarter."

Rachel smiled in excitement. See things weren't so bad here. Sure she had to deal with Cassie, but then… she had Shelby. She had never had anyone like Shelby in her corner before. Just hearing the pride in Shelby's voice was making all of this worth it. "Thanks for getting me back into school… I… it's one of the choices I had regretted- dropping out." And it was true. After everything she hated that she was missing out on her education.

"It's no problem, kid. None at all." Shelby smiled, removed her hand, and headed down the hallway to her office. She twisted around back toward Rachel at the last minute. "Have fun fielding Cassie's calls!" Shelby smirked before turning back around and Rachel laughed. That was until the phone started ringing off the hook and Rachel groaned. It was no doubt Cassie's pupils trying to take advantage of a July free day.

Still… "So much better than actually having to deal with her." Rachel said with a smile. She answered the phone and the work day officially began.

By lunch time Rachel was about ready to throw the phone across the room. Apparently everyone wanted to take advantage of dance floors without the oppression of Cassandra July. Rachel didn't blame them either, but there were only so many people allowed to use the rooms without a teacher present so most of the morning was spent explaining that there was no more room. Have you ever spent four hours on the phone being lectured by a self righteous after overbearing after angry mothers? Yeah… Rachel now had. She wanted to cry.

Shelby walked up behind the girl and noticed her slumped posture immediately. It was almost as if Rachel was trying her best to recoil into the chair as she held the phone slightly away from her ear. "Yes, I know. But…" Rachel sighed. "Please, Mrs. Bullard. Yes, Johnny is a wonderful dancer. One of our best students. But there is just no more…"

Shelby heard the other woman start yelling across the phone again and watched as it became more than Rachel could bear. She walked in front of Rachel and held out her hand with a smile. Rachel grimaced and placed the receiver into her palm. "Mrs. Bullard? Yes, this is Shelby Corcoran." Shelby waited and rolled her eyes as Mrs. Bullard began spouting off what she assumed was the same things she had told Rachel. "Are you finished Mrs. Bullard?" Shelby asked when the rant seemed to lag. Rachel looked up to Shelby with wide eyes. The woman was on a mission. It was evident.

"Good. Now you can listen to what I have to say." Shelby looked up to the ceiling and counted to three to regain her composure before she continued. "Our facility has rules and regulations for a reason. There is no room for your son to come in today to privately use our dance studios. I'm sorry if that presents itself as a problem. If you would like to schedule time for another day, I would be glad to assist you. BUT, if you EVER speak to my secretary the way you just did trying to bully your way into getting what you want, then you can consider Johnny's enrollment in our program null and void. And you can be sure that my colleagues outside of _Stage Life_ will be notified of the reasons why he was ejected from the our studio. Trust me Mrs. Bullard, that is something you don't want to happen." Shelby nodded as she listened to the woman fully. "I appreciate that, Mrs. Bullard. Of course, yes, we will see Johnny bright and early tomorrow morning. Thank you too. Have a wonderful day."

Shelby hung up the phone and Rachel looked up at the woman in awe. "How did you… I was on the phone for…" Rachel hung her head in shame. "You don't have to jeopardize your clientele for me Shelby."

"Rachel look at me." Shelby said moving to sit on the desk directly in front of Rachel's chair. Rachel tentatively looked up. "I have clients on the waiting list just vying for opportunities such as this. If Mrs. Bullard wanted to take Johnny elsewhere, then it wouldn't hurt me one bit. I understand where she is coming from and if it were my child I may have done the same thing. But Johnny, however, is not my responsibility. You are though."

Rachel's tears began to well up as she looked away. She refused to let them fall. "I think I'll have lunch upstairs by myself today." She whispered and Shelby watched as her figure quickly retreated down the hall to the back stairway.

As soon as the girl was out of sight, Shelby kicked Rachel's rolling chair hard causing it to fly across the room. "Damn it!" She yelled and then sulked across the room to retrieve the chair. She placed it back behind the desk. "What am I doing wrong?" Shelby sat in the chair, folded her arms on the desk, and laid her head down. One minute things with Rachel went so well. The next it was like they were starting over again. She didn't get it. She just didn't get it. What Shelby didn't realize was that the biggest problem was that she was doing everything right.

Upstairs, Rachel closed the door to her room and sank down to the floor. She had never had anyone before who cared about her other than herself. This was new territory completely. Should she try to keep protecting herself by keeping Shelby at arms length or should allow the woman in and become what she was terrified to lose? Rachel didn't think she could bear losing what she had with Shelby right now, but if she became closer with her? How could Rachel even go on from losing that?

It seemed like Shelby wanted to be a mother to her. Everything Shelby had done so far was conclusive with what Rachel knew mothers were supposed to be like. They were fiercely protective and watched over their children. They cared for and nurtured a child. They took responsibility. They asserted themselves as a person of authority. The only thing Shelby hadn't done, Rachel concluded, was give birth to her. Rachel couldn't help but feel that it would be so much easier if she had. What if Shelby Corcoran had been her mother? Would she…

"There is no point in thinking such things as that." Rachel whispered to the empty room. Tony must've been in some other part of the apartment because there was no sign of him. "Still… what if she wants to be your mother, Rachel?" Great. Now she was talking to herself.

Rachel vacated her spot on the floor and sat at the extravagant desk Shelby had insisted on buying Rachel for school work. She opened up her computer to iTunes and pulled up a song that she had no reason to even own. She didn't listen to a lot of R&B. She didn't have a mother. Yet some how… She owned Boys II Men's 'A Song for Mama." She placed her earbuds in and clicked play. She pulled her knees close to her as she sat in the chair with her eyes closed taking in every bit of the song.

As the lyrics _you took up for me when everyone was downing me_ played, unshed tears made their way down Rachel's cheeks as she quietly cried. Shelby was everything Rachel wanted in a mother, but was afraid she would never have. Could she really let her walls down? If she did and things didn't work out the way she wanted would she survive? Rachel didn't know the answer to either of those questions. Correction… Rachel knew the answers. They were yes and no respectively. She was just too afraid to admit it. But how much longer could she go back and forth like this?

The song ended and Rachel looked up at her door. Making her decision, Rachel got up from her seat, went into her bathroom and cleaned her face. She next walked out of the room and into the kitchen to make a small salad for herself. The door to the apartment opened and Shelby entered. Rachel looked up from her food at the woman who sadly stared back. "I had a nightmare last night." Rachel said breaking the silence. Tears fell and she stilled her motions. "It was really bad."

"Oh Rachel," Shelby said walking into the kitchen and wrapping her daughter into a hug. "I'm so sorry, honey."

"I should have told you this morning, but I don't want to be this constant bother." Rachel cried into Shelby's shoulder relishing the comfort. The hug made her want to cry harder. Want to let it all out.

"You could never be a bother to me, Rachel. I know this is new for the both of us, but I'm here for you. I promise. Anything you need and I'll be here." Shelby pulled away from Rachel so that she could look her in the eye. "You can come to me about anything, Rachel." Rachel dove back into the hug at Shelby's words. Shelby held on tightly as the girl cried. This was the perfect time to tell Rachel everything. She took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak, but she was interrupted by Rachel.

"We should eat lunch before the studio opens back up." The girl said pulling away and wiping her eyes. She smiled at Shelby and Shelby smiled back. As Rachel began to talk about a musical number she thought Shelby should try, Shelby took over making the salads and listened.

She could shoot herself for missing another opportunity at telling Rachel the truth, but maybe it still wasn't the right time. Shelby was beginning to wonder if there was even such a thing as the right time. She sat the salads on the table and participated in the conversation here and there. They laughed when Tony made himself present via loud meowing as he beckoned for food and Shelby sighed in content. Right now this is what her daughter needed. She needed love, support, comfort… and Shelby… Shelby could give her that and then some. So what if now wasn't the right time? The time would come soon enough right or wrong. And hopefully, when that time came, their relationship could withstand the repercussions Shelby knew would come. It was a lot to hope for, but HOPE was all she had.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**A/N: I know I said that Shelby wouldn't start noticing Rachel's nightmares until Chapter 20, but after last chapter I decided to switch some things around. Also I revisited the prologue on purpose for this chapter :). Thanks as always for your support. It keeps me going :) P.S. We have now passed the half way point!**

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**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

_"So Tired That I Couldn't Even Sleep"_

_You're walking down the hall, minding your own business when one of the Cheerios comes out of nowhere. "Out of the way, Man Hands!" She pushes you hard into the locker, but you shake it off. You'll be okay. _

_You keep going because you need to get to class, but a jock leers at you from his perch on the lockers. "You should be sterilized." He trips you. Still, you are able to remember your dance training. You live by balance, precision, and poise. _

_It's not over, though. It's never over. "Hey Troll! You dropped something!" Everything you are carrying makes it's way to the ground after being slapped out of your hands. Hurry, you must get everything together before the bell rings. You have to get to class as fast as you can. It's the safest place inside these walls._

_You don't see it coming. Two jocks walk straight towards you, but you are focused on getting to class. Focused on trying to be invisible. Even for just a short while. "You're looking a little blue, Tranny." They say before throwing the slushy in your face. It's frigid, but you have to keep your head. Just breathe. Not too hard. Holy Moses, it burns. Concentrate. Think. If you hurry you can go get cleaned up and just get a tardy instead of an absence. You move faster. You see your locker just ahead. It's okay. You'll just get your E.S.K. Then you'll get to class. No harm done._

_The drawings you find on your locker are appalling. Disgusting. They are definitely getting more obscene. It makes you feel sick, but you try to ignore it. The janitor will most likely have it gone by the end of the day. You open your locker so that you can get to the bathroom and then get to class._

_The locker is empty. You panic. "No, no, no." You know it can only mean one thing. You turn to find you are surrounded by McKinley's elite. Begging crosses your mind for the first time. You hope it will help. "I'll go to class with slushy all over me, please, just please don't do this!"_

_You notice a strange look pass across their face. It's working. It's working! You think, for once, that they might actually be human._

_"Tough luck, Midget." _

_NO! You feel helpless and stupid. Of course it didn't work. So you make another first and fight back. You can't let this continue. You have to do something. Anything._

_"Stop fighting us or we'll start making house calls." _

_You stop immediately, falling limp as if someone had flipped a switch. You don't cry. You can't let them bring this home. Your Dad and Daddy are so happy. You want them to stay happy; even if the cost is your happiness._

_You are dragged outside to the dumpster. You know they will throw you in. You hate this part the most, but there is nothing you can do about it. You keep your head down. You have to stay strong._

_You can't help but think that you should have never said anything to them earlier. You are appalled that you begged. It's why you endure everything always! You are never to let them see you break. You don't want to ever give them the satisfaction. You look up at them and show them who you can be. Your jaw is set. You won't break in front of them ever again._

_"Do you know why you're here, Hobbit?" You don't turn to look at the Cheerio. You refuse to look her in the eye. Instead, you look straight ahead._

_You know you have to answer their question so you let them in on something they thought you didn't know. "Because I am better than you." You say. It's what you think that they think. It's the only answer you can ever come up with that answers the ever present question of why._

_"You, you think you are better than us?" You don't, but it's what you believe that they believe. You nod because you accepted their sentence long ago._

_"You. Are. Nothing." You reign in the urge to react. You can't show them how much they get to you. "You know what to do guys." _

_They egg you. It's a first. You are saddened at the thought of the baby chicks. You can't help but wonder how anyone could be so cruel to a defenseless animal. Then you remember who you are dealing with. Monsters. Teenage monsters._

_The jocks come at you to throw you in. You brace yourself. You are not allowed to show any fear. The sound of the lid opening makes you want to cringe, but you resist the urge. You don't even try to run. They would just catch you anyway. _

_It hurts when you hit the trash, but in a way you are thankful that the bags are there. Though the smell is horrible. You can't get sick. It will just make things worse. The remaining Cheerios throw in your books and book bag. You cover your head as best as you can and hope to avoid injury. _

_The lid closes and you hear a lock click. There is no point in screaming. You won't even call out for help anymore. It's not like there is any use in it. If someone is coming it'll be later. Not that anyone really cares about you._

_You look for your book bag that they dropped in. You think that, when you find it, at least you can clean up a bit. You find it over in the corner. You open it and find it's empty. So much for wiping off the slushy and eggs. You gather your books and papers the best you can in the little light that you have and put your things away. You think about opening the trash bags underneath you and looking for some napkins or something, but the thought is repelling. You think of all the germs and suddenly you can understand why Miss Pillsbury feels the way she does._

_You can't help but think that things are never going to change. Even though you won sectionals. Even though you performed flawlessly. You even helped save the day, but no one thought of it that way. Instead everyone else gave all the honor to Finn Hudson. _

_The thought of him makes you smile. He could have all the credit. You are, surprisingly okay with that. You probably shouldn't be pursuing a romantic relationship with him though. It's just making things worse for you. But you won't regret, what you've done for love. You hum the song a bit thinking about what you and Finn could be. He's your leading man after all. Why couldn't Finn be your champion too? You know the answer already. It's because he is too popular to take the chance. Just because he spends time with you in glee and you have your secret meetings in the corridors of the school, doesn't mean he wants you. You think about how he's never stopped a slushy. He certainly isn't going to come get you out of the dumpster. You sigh. Finn Hudson will never be your knight in shining armor. No matter how much you want him to be._

_You take a shaky breath and begin to cry. It's okay to do that now. No one is here. You are soaked in slushy and you are cooped up in the trash receptacle. It's perfectly acceptable to cry._

_You feel empty and each day it just gets worse. You've put up with this for two years and look at where you still are. Nothing has changed. They still call you names. They still man handle you. They still throw the slushies. They still lock you in the dumpster. They still leave those horrid MySpace comments. No one has ever cared about the bullying. No one has ever moved to stop it. No one ever will. You don't matter. If you mattered then wouldn't someone do something? Not even your parents care enough to see you are drowning. _

_You're worthless. Useless. Your tormentors are going to keep coming after you. They'll never let you go! You're meaningless. A third-rate citizen. A thorn in the side of everyone who meets you. You might as well be the amebas that are on the fleas on rats. That's how disgusting you are. It's how small you feel. _

_No one is going to come rescue you, Rachel Berry. NO ONE. You are alone. You will always be alone. Because, at the end of the day? You are a nobody. You'll be locked inside this dumpster forever. No one is coming for you. Go ahead and scream. Call out for help this time. Try and fight it. Claw you're way out if you think you can bear it. But mark my words, you'll be stuck in this as long as you live or die trying to get out._

* * *

Shelby woke up to the sounds of a screaming Rachel. She threw the covers unceremoniously off her bed and bolted from the room as fast as she could. She stumped her toe on the edge of the couch having been in too much of a hurry to get to her daughter. She has to hop the rest of the way to the room. She doesn't have time to stop.

Opening the door, Shelby sees her little girl thrashing about on the bed. Rachel's hands are clawing at the air and her screams are blood curdling.

"It's okay, baby." Shelby says as she wraps the flailing sweat soaked teenager in a hug. Rachel's left hand meets her face before she can get ahold of it. The blow stings, but Shelby is more focused on calming down her daughter and hopefully getting her to wake up. "Ssh, I'm here now. It's okay. You're okay. Wake up, honey, please." Shelby says gently into Rachel ear.

Rachel's body is still convulsing and she only seems to be distressing further at being held so Shelby does the only thing she knows has calmed down an upset Rachel in the past, she sings. "Nothing's gonna harm you. Not while I'm around. Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around."

Shelby begins rocking Rachel back and forth, her right hand rubbing soothingly up and down the girls back. She let's go of the hand that struck her when she feels the girl lose some of her fight and instead uses it to try and pull the girl closer to her as she sings another line of the song. "Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays. I'll send them howling, I don't care, I got ways."

She doesn't know the moment her tears began to fall, but she feels small hands grip her back and a head bury itself into her neck. Rachel's body shakes with tears as Shelby sings on. "No one's gonna hurt you; no one's gonna dare. Others can desert you, not to worry, whistle, I'll be there. Demon's will charm you with a smile, for a while, but in time… Nothing can harm you, not while I'm around…"

Rachel pulls away from Shelby before she can finish the song. Shelby watches as Rachel wraps her arms around herself instinctively trying to regain the comfort. "I'm sorry. I- I- I…"

"Hey. It's okay." Shelby says as she moves Rachel's bangs from her face. "I'm here now. You're okay."

Rachel suddenly springs back towards Shelby and the woman has to react fast in order to accept the girl into her arms without falling backwards. "It was horrible." Rachel says tears falling faster and harder than they had done before. "I- I- I- was locked in a dumpster and I couldn't get out. I screamed and pounded on the lid, but no one came. No one came."

Shelby held tight as Rachel shook harder. She began rocking the girl again and ran her hand through Rachel's damp locks. "I've got you." She soothes over and over until Rachel's sobs become hiccups and the hiccups become whimpers and the whimpers fall into silence. Only then does she feel confident she's able to go and fetch a wash cloth for Rachel's face.

Shelby comes back with the warm cloth and begins to wipe away the tearful sweaty residue. In that moment, it didn't seem like Rachel was fifteen. If anyone were watching they might think Rachel was three years old and Shelby had spent her entire life mothering the girl. Shelby placed the cloth on the table and sat beside her daughter once again. "Feel better?"

Rachel gives a small smile. "Yeah." She says and leans onto Shelby's shoulder. It's comfortable for them even though they both know it shouldn't be. Technically, even if Shelby IS her mother however unaware Rachel may be, they've only known each other a short time. But all this? It just comes naturally.

"Would you like me to get you some water?" Shelby asks thinking of how parched the girl must be after losing so much due to sweat and tears. Rachel nods and Shelby moves again to go into the kitchen and retrieve a bottled water for the now, mostly, calm teenager.

Upon returning she hands the water over and watches as Rachel quickly drinks half the bottle. "You're sheets are a little damp as well as your clothes. I can change the bed linens for you if you want to take a shower or at least put some clean clothes on." Rachel blushes in embarrassment at the comment and Shelby wants to kick herself for mentioning it. She runs her hand through Rachel's hair again and smiles trying to atone for her mistake. "I shouldn't have said it that way. I was just trying to let you know that I'm here to help."

Rachel nods and sniffles a bit before finally looking up at Shelby. "You're right though. I should probably take a shower. I feel gross."

Shelby watches as Rachel gathers some clean clothes and walks toward the bathroom. "They're getting worse." She says speaking of the nightmares and causing the girl to turn around.

Rachel looks at her sorrowfully. "I know." The teen simply says before closing her bathroom door.

Shelby leaves the room to go to the hall closest that has the extra sheets. She then strips down Rachel's bed and puts on the fresh linen. The sheets aren't terribly wet, just a little damp with sweat, but who wants to sleep on that? Shelby feels Rachel will feel much better once the remnants from the nightmare are gone. She also decides to stay with Rachel until she falls asleep again like she's done every night for the last two weeks.

Shelby can't be sure, but she feels that this is stemming from whatever is going on between Rachel and Cassie. Though she's gotten closer with her daughter, the girl has yet to say anything negative about her business partner, but Shelby isn't blind. She sees the way Rachel reacts around her. Some sort of bullying is going on. It has to be.

Once Rachel is asleep, Shelby makes her way back to her room. She's so angry at all Rachel has gone through. Of all the things that have happen to make Rachel have nightmares every night! She's mad at the Berry's. Mad at the students. Mad at the faculty. But most of all, right now, she is mad at Cassandra July for not letting her daughter just move on. For bringing back the demons of the past.

Shelby turns around immediately and marches straight out of her apartment to the one down and across the hall. She bangs on the door until a half asleep Cassie answers the door. "What the hell, Riz? It's fucking 3am."

A slap echoes throughout the hall as Shelby's hand comes across Cassandra's cheek. "I don't know what shit you are trying to pull with my daughter, but it stops now. DO YOU HEAR ME? It fucking stops now!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, you bitch. Damn it, Corcoran. That slap hurt," Cassie says holding her cheek.

"Don't you even try to deny it and good! You're lucky I didn't beat your ass. Stop bullying my kid." Shelby's fuming now. Her eyes looking as if they contain fire. She feels like she's breathing it now as well.

"Is that what she said?" Cassie rolls her eyes. "I didn't think she was the type to run to Mommy. Oh, wait. You aren't her Mommy and we both know she hasn't said shit to you about me. We've discussed this, Shelby. Stop meddling in something that isn't your business."

"She'll always be my business!" Shelby yells irately. It causes Cassie to step back in slight fear of another slap. The stutter in her step is barely noticeable, but Shelby sees it.

"You told her that yet, killer?" Cassandra almost laughs. She thinks twice though and decides against.

Shelby steams further. "Our friendship is over." She pushes Cassie back into the apartment. Cassie stumbles more profoundly this time, but regains her composure. "I can't believe you! I know you push these kids, but you are causing her to have nightmares, Cass! Fucking every night now. Whatever you are doing concerning Rachel? It stops. Or, so help me God, I'll be earning my new nickname of killer." Shelby spins on her heals and back to her apartment.

Cassie closes her door and locks it. "Crazy bitch," she says with a sad smile. Maybe she had just lost a friend. She hoped not; Shelby was the only one she had, but it didn't change the fact that she felt like what she was doing was worth it. "Just remember, I'm doing this for the both of you," she said out to the empty room. With one last fleeting look at her apartment door, Cassie grabbed the cell phone that was sitting on her coffee table and headed to her room.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**A/N: This chapter along with the next two are pivotal in leading up to 'the big reveal,' as so it's been dubbed, which will span over several chapters. I know it's short, but honestly it's been a very hectic week. I did the music for a wedding/reception that almost didn't happen (talk about some drama) and then when I came home a friend of mine went into premature labor and her baby didn't make it. So emotionally… I am beyond drained. I was amazed that I even got this one out, but I wanted to be able to get you guys something for today and hopefully also this weekend as well. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks as always for your support- whether by reading, reviewing, favoriting, or following- I appreciate it so much. **

* * *

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

_"How On Earth Did I Get So Jaded?"_

2,974,000 results. That's how helpful, or not so helpful, the internet was being right now on the topic of 'How to Help Victims of Bullying.' Of course that was better than the 10,020,000 hits that just 'bullying' received. Needless to say, Shelby was ready to pull her hair out. How do you pick a website that could really help? Like really? She had already thrown out everything on the first page. It was mostly about stopping a current bully. That, at least she thinks, she has accomplished. But what Shelby really wanted to be able to do was help Rachel with her past before Rachel developed something like PTSD, which she was already showing early signs of according to the website Shelby was currently browsing through.

After spending the rest of the day searching the topic, as Rachel was doing classwork, Shelby had finally found some things she could implement in order to help Rachel. First, she needed to make sure Rachel felt safe. That, at the very least, the apartment and Shelby herself could be her haven. Next, she needed to help Rachel realize that she was accepted among people. She knew not only was there herself, but Al, The Moretti's, and few others she could call out that would be proof of that. Third, she needed to remind Rachel that she had something to offer this world. God, her voice… it's amazing… if she could just make the girl see that again. Also, she needed to help Rachel follow through and accomplish things. All of this was to help build back up her identity and self esteem. This was all she could do until Rachel opened up to her. Well that and maybe implementing a joint exercise routine and offer singing lessons. Both tend to help with balancing emotions, control, and confidence. Shelby sighed before closing her laptop and notebook.

"Shelby!" She heard Rachel yell from close by, most likely the kitchen. Walking out of her room she saw that she was correct.

"Hey kiddo. What's cooking?" Shelby chuckled at herself very amused. Cooking. Kitchen. Her former Vocal Adrenaline students were wrong. She was not the 'She Beast of Hell.' She could totally make jokes.

Rachel rolled her eyes unamused. Okay so maybe she wasn't so funny. She could work on that. "What is this?" Rachel questioned holding up a small bag of cat treats.

"Those are treats for Tony." Shelby stated wondering where Rachel was going with this. "I picked them up from the store earlier this morning. I thought he'd love them… wait does he not like them?"

"Of course he loves them!" Rachel yelled stomping her foot. Shelby could see the obvious temper tantrum coming, but it was as if she were powerless to stop it. "They aren't vegan, Shelby!"

'That's all? He's a cat.' Shelby thought. "Rachel, honey, cats are carnivores."

"Tony's not!" Rachel fussed back. "I spent so much time getting him used to a vegan diet and you've gone and ruined it in one day. One day, Shelby! Do you even know what's in this? I thought you used to be vegan? You should understand why I converted him!" Rachel paced back and forth in front of Shelby as she just stood there baffled. Was Rachel really upset over cat treats? Was this really happening right now?

"Rachel, I think you're overreacting here, but we don't have to give him any more, though personally I worry if he gets enough protein. Hell, I worry if you get enough protein." Shelby spat back and Rachel turned on her with vengeance.

"I will not give up my veganism! I-I-I have principles and morals and I refuse to compromise them!" Rachel said tears staining her face as she threw the cat treats at Shelby. "I thought I'd have to give Tony up because he wasn't taking to the vegan diet and I just couldn't, in right mind, feed him animal by product." Rachel ran her hands over her face before looking Shelby in the eye. "And now you've ruined everything! He probably won't even like me anymore because he knows now that you'll feed him whatever he wants. And where will I be? WHO WILL I HAVE THEN?"

"Rachel." Shelby said reaching out with a hand of comfort. Rachel batted it away.

"Don't touch me! Just… just… leave me alone!" With that she spun on her heals towards her room slamming the door behind her.

Shelby collapsed on the stool by the counter and was immediately joined by Tony who jumped on said counter. "Welcome to parenthood, huh?" She said petting the feline as he meowed. What the hell was she going to do now?

* * *

Rachel knew Shelby was right. She knew she had overreacted, but she couldn't help but feel that she was losing control over everything in her life. This whole thing with Tony was just the last straw or at least one of the last straws.

Everything was so… crazy. She was just a kid. She just wanted to be a kid, but she felt like that had been robbed from her long ago. Sure, living with Shelby, she was getting some of that back, but it wasn't enough. She just wanted a normal life. Was that so much to ask for? A house with parents? A school with friends? A cat that wasn't going to change allegiances?

_All I want is a room somewhere…_ Suddenly popped in her mind. Of course her brain would go all musical on her at a time like this. What good was that anymore, anyways? Rachel was beginning to think that the moment she left Lima was also the moment she threw her dreams away. How could she ever make it to Broadway now? Even if she did graduate school via her online classes, would she be able to get into a good school? Could she even handle that? Could she even handle the pressures of Broadway itself?

Her thoughts made Rachel throw herself onto her pillow and surprisingly instead of crying she screamed. She let out every bit of aggression she felt in the moment. Then she did it again and again.

"Feel better?" Shelby said from the doorway. The intrusion caused Rachel to jump.

"Not really." She said with disdain. She wasn't really mad at Shelby, but at the moment she was an easier target than herself.

"Change into something comfortable and then meet me downstairs in ten." With that, Shelby left the room leaving Rachel to muse over if she really wanted to meet the woman downstairs or not. She went anyways.

Rachel sulked down the stairs wondering why she was even doing this. She didn't have to answer to Shelby. It's not like she was her mom or anything, but still she found herself face to face with the woman she had just blown up at.

"Here put these on." Shelby said handing Rachel a pair of boxing gloves and leading her into the studio's gym. Rachel's eyes widened.

"Shelby… I…" She tried to stutter out. Did Shelby want to fight her? No… Shelby wouldn't do that… right?

"Just put them on." Shelby said and then walked behind the heavybag in the middle of the room. Rachel did as she was told this time. Especially since it now looked as if any altercations wouldn't happen between people.

Shelby took a deep breath and then looked Rachel square in the eyes. "You're angry." She stated causing Rachel to roll her eyes.

"You're angry about everything that's happened to you in the past that you refuse to talk about." That statement took Rachel by surprise. Was she that much of an open book?

"You're angry because you feel out of control. You're angry because you need relief from the burden you want to rid yourself of so badly, but can't seem to let go." The truth in Shelby's words made Rachel hang her head low in shame. She was such a failure.

"It wasn't your fault." Shelby said with confidence. Rachel looked up at her with a questioning gaze. "You've been hurt. It's not weak to admit that." Rachel wanted to turn around and run. It was like Shelby was looking into the depths of her soul. "It's normal to get angry." Rachel shook her head unable to accept Shelby's words. "Let it go. Take back your power, Rachel. Take back the control. Let it all out. Right here, right now. Hit it."

Rachel looked at the bag and then back at Shelby and then back to the bag unsure if she could do this or not. "I don't know." She said looking once again to the woman before her.

"This isn't something you can just get over, Rachel. It's something you have to work through. You want your life back? Well let's take it back. One step at a time, kid. Me and you."

The last part rang through Rachel's ears. "Me and you?" She questioned so afraid to hope, but even more afraid not to.

"Me and you. Release, reclaim, rebuild. If not today, then maybe tomorrow or the next day or the next. But know this, as long as I have breath still in me, you'll never have to go through it alone."

Rachel slowly closed her eyes and gave a subtle nod. Shelby stepped back behind the bag and Rachel stared at it for a moment. "I don't have manly hands." She gritted swinging at the bag and making contact. She smiled as she felt a weight drop from her shoulder. Shelby smiled back and nodded for her to continue.

One by one, punch by punch, Rachel released every ounce of frustration she had out on the heavybag in the middle of the gym room until she had absolutely nothing left in her. There was a punch for every slushy, every dumpster, every name she was called. A punch for all the times she was tripped or pushed. A punch for all the neglect. A punch for every last thing that tried to hold her back. Oddly enough, Rachel wasn't even punching the people behind the actions in her mind. No, she was just punching the actions themselves. She didn't understand it, but it made the burden even lighter.

All the while, Shelby recounted back to her that she was strong, that it wasn't her fault, that they'd get through this. She'd yell out for Rachel to punch harder. To let it out anyway she could and when she was finished Shelby held her and told her they'd get through this together. 'Together,' Rachel thought, this time actually believing in such a thing.

That night for the first time ever, Rachel opened up about being bullied. She cried and Shelby comforted her. And when she was too exhausted to move Shelby even carried her upstairs to the apartment.

"Rachel, there is something else we need to talk about." Shelby began as she sat beside her on the couch. Rachel immediately felt guilty about earlier and blowing up over the whole Tony thing.

"Shelby, I am so sorry! I was awful to you earlier. The whole Tony thing… I shouldn't have gotten so upset, but it's like I just couldn't stop it. I was afraid of losing Tony all of a sudden and I felt like he was all I had. I realize how dumb that was now… because it's obvious I have you and…"

"Rachel you aren't dumb, honey. You just had all this stuff inside you that needed to get out. I wish I had thought of all this sooner, but that isn't…"

"I'm never going to be able to payback everything you've done for me, but I swear, Shelby, I'll try. Please forgive me for my behavior earlier, please!"

"Of course I forgive you, Rachel." Shelby said. Rachel threw her arms around the woman in a hug.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. You don't know how much all of this means to me." 'How much you mean to me' was left on the tip of Rachel's tongue. She still wasn't sure what their roles were. Rachel yawned pulling away.

"You're welcome." Shelby said looking as if she had more to say, though Rachel felt she had more than enough for tonight. She watched as Shelby gave her a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "You're tired, sweetheart. You should get some sleep."

Rachel nodded and then got up from the couch making her way back to her bedroom. "Night Shelby." She said turning back towards the woman one more time.

"Night." Shelby offered with another smile before flipping the light switch off and making her way toward her bedroom. "Sleep tight." She heard as Shelby opened the door to her own bedroom.

Rachel felt Tony weave his way in between her legs before jumping up onto her bed. The action caused Rachel to smile. "So you aren't jumping ship after all?"

He meowed and Rachel plopped down on the bed beside him too tired to do anything else. It wasn't long before Rachel found herself falling asleep curled up next to her best friend in a place that really felt like home. It was the first night in a while that she slept peacefully.


	21. Chapter Twenty

**A/N: Here's that other chapter I said I would get out! Yay! Right? Lol. Anyways the character of Roxie was actually created by ravenna solo 408; I borrowed her to use in this particular sub plot. Hope you all like the chapter and finding out what Cassie was up to all this time. Thanks as always for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following.**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

_"I Was A Key That Could Use A Little Turning"_

The next morning Rachel woke up with a bounce in her step feeling much lighter than before. She went about her usual morning routine and then made her way downstairs to the gym. Boxing, it seemed, had had a pretty positive effect on her last night and so she decided to give it a try that morning as well.

It wasn't long before she was joined by a few students who had gotten there extra early and since she hadn't opened up the studio she could only conclude that either Shelby or Cassie did. Rachel looked around nervously as they each went to different areas rather quietly. Once she realized they were just here to do as she was doing she shook off the feeling of being vulnerable and went back to punching.

"You're gonna tire yourself out too soon that way." A taller brunette said as she walked up to the bag. The girl was most likely a couple of years her senior, but Rachel reminded herself that she worked here and technically that put her in a position of power.

"I'm just letting off some steam." Rachel said more quietly than she had hoped. It didn't help that her voice was a little shaky. She usually tried to avoid contact with students outside of her desk area.

"Understandable. I mean you only work for 'Train-Wreck July.' God, how do you do that all day? She's like a bitch and a half right?"

Rachel looked around. Was this girl really wanting to have this conversation here? And with her? "Cassie's… well… she's Cassie." Rachel shrugged.

"You're too nice." It was definitely said as a statement… not as a compliment, but Rachel shook it off. "Hey, um, I could show you a few things if you want?" The girl said motioning to the bag. "I took kick boxing last summer just to get out of the house."

Rachel smiled shyly. Maybe this was really happening. "Okay, yeah, that would be good. I'm Rachel by the way, Rachel Berry."

The other brunette smiled and held out her hand. "Roxie, Roxie Stewart-Stevenson. Glad to meet you formally, Rachel Berry."

Rachel nodded and then Roxie began showing her some pointers. Rachel had to admit it was actually helping. What she found even more interesting was that Roxie was actively pursuing a conversation with her. Well, it was more complaining about Cassie on Roxie's part and how Cassie wouldn't leave her alone about being the star in one of the next numbers. As it turned out, Roxie would rather just sway in the background, but because her mother had been on Broadway (Rachel's eyes bulged out on that one) Cassie thought she should be front and center.

As 8 o'clock neared Rachel and Roxie finally slowed down with the boxing and parted ways. Rachel left to clean up before starting her work day and Roxie off to Cassie's first class of the day. Rachel couldn't help but smile thinking maybe she and Roxie could be friends. The girl was certainly a talker, but Rachel didn't mind it so much. Especially if it meant she had a real, as in near her own age and everything, friend.

Rachel made her way up front to her work station a little later than usual. She hoped Cassie wouldn't be too mad about not having her schedule on time, but noticed that the woman in question had already started her class. At least if Rachel was going to berated it would be later. Rachel looked over to the dance room where Cassie was supposed to be instructing, but instead of seeing dancing teenagers what Rachel saw burned her from the inside out. There was Cassie chewing out Roxie; for what Rachel didn't know. She quietly sneaked her way down the hall to hide behind the door to see what was going on.

"What the hell are you thinking Partridge, seriously! The homeless man two blocks down could do this routine blindfolded. Don't you even want to remotely make Mommy and Daddy Dearest proud? How about that band of misfits you call family, huh? God, you're so pathetic. How on earth they still claim you is beyond me."

Hearing Cassie's words caused something to snap inside of Rachel. Sure she could take everything Cassie dealt to her and more, but hearing it brought upon someone else, a possible new friend even, was just too much. "Back off Cassie!" Rachel said as she put her smaller frame in between the woman and teenager. A collective gasp was heard across the room.

"Rachel what the hell are you doing?" Roxie whispered. She pulled on the girl to get her out of the way, but Rachel stood strong unwilling to move her gaze from the woman in front of her.

Cassie laughed. "Well, well, well… what do we have here, Schwimmer? Don't you look about as big and bad as a Chihuahua." Cassie ruffled Rachel's hair a bit and actually received a growl in response. It caused her to laugh harder. "Do you bite now too or is it just all bark?"

"Y-you need to stop." Rachel stuttered out. "You're nothing but a big b-b-bully."

Cassie walked up closer to Rachel staring her up and down. "I tell you what Schwim… you want me to stop bullying as you say?" Rachel nodded. "Then prove it to me out here on the floor."

Rachel looked up at the woman confused for a minute. "I don't… I don't understand." She said quietly.

"It's easy. We'll settle this the 'Broad' way. You versus me. One routine. One shot. You impress- I'll back off. You make a fool of yourself and I remind you of it constantly for the rest of your stay here."

Rachel visibly gulped. She hadn't performed in front of a crowd in a while. Not to mention, Cassie was probably one of the most intimidating people alive.

"Of course, you don't have to Schwim. You can always run along with your tail between your legs and let me get back to my job." The last part was almost spat back at her and caused the bravado from before to slowly rise back up in Rachel.

Rachel closed her eyes. Seeing the punching bag and all the times she had laid out a punch for Cassie's actions, she opened her eyes again. "I'm not going to be afraid of you anymore. No one should have to be." Rachel gritted out as a devilish smile dawned Cassandra's face.

"Oh this is going to be so much fun, Schwimmer. Taking you down a peg after you've finally built yourself up…" Cassie sighed reverently before snapping her fingers. "Partridge! Go find something better than this ridiculous outfit for Schwimmer here to wear. Everyone else take ten because when we come back… we're gonna have ourselves a little dance off."

The class immediately filed out of the room, talking amongst themselves, followed by Cassie. The only two people left were Roxie and Rachel. "You're in deep shit now. Cassie never challenges a student like that."

Rachel shook her head not wanting to think about what she had just gotten herself into. "Can we not talk about this right now?" Rachel whispered.

Roxie looked her in the eyes and, seeing the fear Rachel was barely holding back, smiled empathetically. "Come on let's go get you something to dance in." The two headed toward the dressing room quietly. It was just going to be better that way.

Ten minutes later and Rachel found herself in the middle of the dance room across from Cassie with all eyes on the two of them. Every bone in her body screamed to run, well every bone except the one's in her feet which seemed rooted to the floor. Whether out of fear or courage, Rachel wasn't sure.

Cassie walked closer to Rachel explaining the dance routine that they would be doing. Luckily for Rachel, it was one she knew well. She had watched Shelby and Cassie come up with it over a month ago. She had even given Shelby some input on it. Rachel took a deep breath. Even though she knew the routine, she had also seen Cassie dance. This wasn't going to be easy at all. Sure, Rachel could dance, but she was far from great. She knew Cassie out shined her in training and talent and honestly she just hoped she could keep up.

After nodding that she was ready and knew the routine, Rachel watched as Cassie walked over to stereo system and pressed play on the iPod. It was now or never, she thought. Rachel knew she really needed to give this time her all.

As the music began, Rachel walked Cassie's way but Cassie put a finger up stopping her in her tracks. "Come on babe, why don't we paint the town? And all that jazz." Cassie sang and danced with a smirk. Several of the other students came up behind her to dance with her and Rachel could do nothing but nod. Touché Cassie.

Inside Rachel tried to school her nerves. Cassie was again, intimidating at the very least, but Rachel new that she could do this. Something inside her began to chant that she had too and the itch for performing came back in tenfold. She looked around at a few of the students hanging out behind her and nodded at them to follow her lead. She didn't need to even look back to see if they were there. Somehow, she just trusted that they would be there and to no one's surprise they were. "Slick your hair and wear your buckle shoes and all that jazz." Rachel sang causing quite a few eyes to bulge out. No one in the room had ever seen or heard anything like her. At least, inside these walls.

Cassie tried to hide the smile that wanted to force it's way out as Rachel danced the routine flawlessly. She hated that she had to push the girl so hard to make this happen, but she couldn't help but feel relieved and even a sense of pride at watching Rachel finally standing up to something. Cassie threw herself into the routine having more fun than she'd had in classroom in a while. "Find a flask we're playing fast and loose and all that jazz."

Rachel, noticing a slight change in the room, turned to Cassie and decided to have a little fun of her own. "Right up here is where I store the juice and all that jazz." She was taken by surprise when Cassie practically dragged her to the center of the room, but no one else could tell as Rachel was indeed the effervescent performer. Rachel tried to take over the singing but Cassie seemed to have none of it. Turning, Rachel flipped her hair hoping to shake out the last of her not so visible nerves for the rest of the performance.

Cassie knew she had gotten to Rachel on some level. Maybe she didn't have the best of ways but it had still worked. Hell, she never claimed to be conventional. She scooted past Rachel for the finale singing "No, I'm no one's wife but…"

Rachel couldn't resist and butted in belting out more than Cassie ever could, "Oh, I love my life!" The rest of the class danced along in a circle around them as their voices joined in perfect harmony for the last line of "and all that jazz." Rachel panted and Cassie just smirked as the music finished out. The students stilled around them waiting for Cassie's verdict. Ask any one of them, though, and they would have told you that Rachel deserved more than a round of applause.

Cassie cleared her throat and pushed away her smile that was yet again threatening to break through. "So Schwimmer… How does it feel to finally get to be Little Red Riding Hood standing up to the Big Bad Wolf?"

Rachel, confused, looks up from the floor to the eyes of the questioning dance instructor. "It felt good." She finally replied seeing as Cassie had wanted an actual answer.

"How would you like to learn how to do that every day for the rest of your life?" Cassie asked causing smiles to erupt across the room. The students and Rachel starting to see the method to Cassie's madness.

"Hell yeah." Rachel answers, her peers laugh at the response. None of them used to the new confidence in the little receptionist's voice.

"Good. Because I don't want you to EVER believe it when someone puts you down. You've got what it takes, kid, and then some. Go sign yourself up for my class." Rachel's eyes shone brightly at Cassie's words. "Because I'll be damned before someone bully's you again. Class dismissed." The dance instructor said with a clap causing every one to disperse.

Rachel stood their for a moment with tears in her eyes. The only ones left in the room being herself, Cassie and Roxie. "I don't understand. You've been so horrible to me. Yet you want to help me?"

"I told you she was a sweetie, Cassie. Seriously. You really didn't have to take the bitch route. She's like my kid sister." Roxie said grabbing her bag to go.

"Wait! You were in on this?" Rachel asked Roxie suddenly.

Roxie smiled with a shrug. "Cassie said she needed a little help. Sure she's a hard ass, but if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have had the guts to tell the 'rents I don't want to follow in their footsteps. See ya tomorrow morning in the gym?"

Rachel nodded with a smile, relieved that the other teenager still apparently wanted to be her friend maybe. She turned, however, as Cassie approached her. "I'd hug you but I'm not really the type." The woman said offhandly.

Rachel laughed and then looked up at Cassie seriously. "I thought you hated me." It was true. Rachel was more than confused at this point.

"Have a seat." Cassie said gesturing toward the piano bench over in the corner of the room. The two sat awkwardly for a moment until Cassie finally continued. "I saw it the first day I met you." Rachel furrowed her brows in even more confusion. "The timid walk. The way you barely interacted with the other kids. I didn't know exactly what had happened to you, but I knew something had."

Rachel looked away for a moment, but Cassie continued. "You know, in retrospect, bullying you was probably a stupid way for me to try and bring out what else I saw in you." Cassie laughed though there was no humor in it. "I could have destroyed you had this not worked and for that- I am really sorry."

Rachel looked down at her swinging feet suddenly feeling small next to the woman with one of the biggest personalities she had ever seen. "You were very convincing." Rachel stated head still down.

"I had to be." Cassie said getting up from the bench. "I know you don't see it, Rachel, but you are such a strong person."

Rachel looked up at her name and saw for the first time the tears that Cassie was desperately trying to hold back. "You… you got yourself out of that situation. It could have gone so many ways but you chose to survive."

"How did you?" Rachel shook her head as fear welled up inside her. Did Cassandra know about her past?

Cassie blanched realizing her mistake before covering it up easily. "You're here aren't you? That means you chose to survive? If not you wouldn't be here." Rachel seemed to accept her reasoning for now and Cassie was grateful.

"I'm not as strong as you think I am." Rachel said. She didn't see how Cassie could find such strength in running.

"But you are, kid." Cassie sat back down next Rachel. "When I was ten my dad lost his job. It was just me, him and my older sister. He'd spend all day out looking for work and if he came home to a dirty house- well he'd beat the shit out of us." Rachel looked over at Cassie stunned, but the woman refused to meet her gaze. "One day, Amelia- that was my sister, she couldn't take it anymore. He had beat her so bad that night because his shirts weren't ironed right and well… she… I tried to get her to run away, you know?" Cassie said tears falling down her face. "I said, Am we can make it out there me and you. We don't have to take it anymore. But she didn't believe that. She thought… She thought he'd find us or something."

"What happened?" Rachel asked with a shaky breath suddenly feeling the need to comfort the older woman. She grabbed Cassie's hand and gave it a squeeze.

"She… she chose to end her own suffering." Was Cassie's response. She couldn't voice what her sister had done to end said suffering. Twenty-five years later and she still couldn't talk about it. Cassie heard Rachel's whimper and she squeezed the girl's hand back before letting go and wiping away her tears. She stood before speaking again. "I know the situations are probably different, but you are strong Rachel. You got yourself out of a place that was killing you. And I know my methods are unconventional, but if you'll let me… I'd like to help make you stronger. Ask anyone of my students. I only do what I do to help them develop a backbone. I don't know any other way to show how I care, but to help them this way. To prepare them for the shit out in this world."

Rachel ran up behind Cassie and enveloped her in a hug. "Thank you for telling me that story, Cassie. I wish you would have just told me from the start, but I'm still glad you did now."

Cassie returned the hug momentarily before pulling away. "I guess I've just always had to do things the hard way." The two laughed as they exited the room. "So you're gonna sign yourself up for my class right?" Cassie asked Rachel as they walked to her desk.

"Yes, I most definitely am. Though, I am not sure you want me in that advanced of a course. I mean…" Cassie held up a hand to stop Rachel's rambling.

"You're that good, Schwim. Performing runs in your blood. Trust me."

Rachel smiled yet again and then was hit with a revelation. "Oh my gosh! I have to go tell Shelby! I can't believe I am going to actually be in dance classes again! Maybe she'll let me in one of her classes too!" Rachel heard Cassie laugh as she ran down the hall to the other woman's office. She was relieved to find her there and burst through the door explaining everything that happened.

Shelby smiled tearfully taking in Rachel's excitement, nodding along to everything including agreeing to train Rachel in voice as well. She looked briefly out her door to see Cassie standing there with a small smile of her own.

As Rachel hugged her fiercely at agreeing to put her in classes, Shelby mouthed a thank you to Cassie. She watched as Cassie simply nodded and entered her own office. Cassie had helped Rachel more than she had ever imagined possible, especially so soon. She had been so wrong about the woman she used to call her best friend. Shelby knew she'd have to apologize more later, but for now the simple thank you would have to do.

Shelby laughed as Rachel dragged her to the computer to change around the schedule. She hadn't seen this much light in her daughter's eyes since that day she had seen her perform 'Don't Rain On My Parade.' Shelby felt like things were finally falling right into place. She just had one thing left to do- she needed to find a way to tell Rachel the truth once and for all.


	22. Chapter Twenty-One

**A/N: I am going to do my best to get the next two chapters out this weekend as well. There is a short flashback in this chapter and it's in italics. Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, follows and mostly for reading! Also, one of my bff's Drea Luruiz made a music video for Runaway Train. If you have time to watch it, it's located on my tumblr page as well as on youtube (search Runaway Train- Rachel and Shelby). She did such a fantastic job that I can't help but want to share it. Thanks Andrea! Alright now with further ado, here's PART I of the 'big reveal.' **

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

_"So Many Secrets I Couldn't Keep"_

"Rachel, it'll be fine." Shelby said with a small smile. She knew this was something her daughter needed and frankly she needed to work up some courage as well.

"Do we have to? I mean why can't we go on a weekday morning?" Rachel bit her bottom lip as they walked toward the door of the apartment.

"It defeats the purpose if we wait until then and you know that." Shelby reached out a comforting hand to squeeze Rachel's shoulder. She could see the anxiety welling up in the girl and it was making her second guess her idea. Maybe she was pushing Rachel too far? She had really thought Central Park would be a good way to help Rachel be around crowds of kids, yet also hopefully feel safe enough with her close by. Plus, there didn't have to be any interaction with Rachel and the teens that would be at the park. It seemed like a good stepping stone up from the studio.

Rachel looked up nervously at Shelby. Shelby noticed she was wringing her hands and was about to call the whole thing off when Rachel spoke up. "You won't leave me?" Rachel's voice was uncharacteristically small; something that keyed Shelby into the fact that this fear was rooted very deep.

"Never." Shelby said pulling the slightly shaking girl into a hug. "I swear, Rachel, I won't leave you."

Rachel nodded pulling out the hug. Shelby watched as the girl steeled herself and then opened the apartment door walking through without another thought. Shelby couldn't help but feel proud at the strength pouring out of her daughter. She was willing to face the fear head on- as long as Shelby was by her side. Shelby made a mental note that she still needed to thank Cassie. They definitely wouldn't be this far without that woman.

They stood a block away from Central Park for half an hour before Rachel could take the steps leading her to the over crowded area. There were people of all ages there of course, but Shelby tried to steer them near a group of teenagers lounging in the grass. There was a bench not too far from them and some college students playing ultimate frisbee, Shelby was shooting for the bench. Rachel would be surrounded by teenagers there, but there was no certainty that there would be any interaction. Shelby was very aware that this could end up being detrimentally nerve wracking for Rachel, but she was hoping Rachel would be able to step out of her comfort zone a little more to at least sit amongst her peers in spite of any fear.

Rachel sat down on the bench and looked around her. This was definitely the most people close to her own age she had been around in a long time. As much as the fear threatened to boil over though, Rachel felt like this wasn't so bad. The other teens were keeping to themselves and it wasn't like Shelby was asking her to approach them- yet. A new fear gripped at Rachel- what if Shelby did ask her to go say hi? There was no way… she couldn't do that. Shelby wouldn't do that, right? A sudden flash of red and white ran in front of Rachel. She shut her eyes tightly before opening them as Shelby grabbed her hand.

"You okay?" The woman asked. Rachel could only nod. For a moment there she could have sworn that she saw… no. There were no cheerios or titans here. At least that she knew of.

"Yeah, I'm… I just thought I saw, but I think it was just in my head." Rachel spat out confusedly. Shelby squeezed the girl's hand before letting go. "Shelby?" Rachel asked needing to get the images that were flashing through her brain to go away.

"Yes?" Shelby answered worriedly. She was already regretting this decision. Who was she to think that they could do this so soon? That Rachel was ready? Shelby prepared herself to go feeling that Rachel would ask if they could leave, but then was blindsided by what came out of the girl's mouth.

"Didn't… didn't you say you had a daughter?" It was the only thing Rachel could think of to say besides 'let's get the hell out of here.' She had been dying to ask Shelby more about her past especially revolving around the daughter the woman had given up… Rachel had just been too afraid to bring it up until now. But the fear of asking Shelby personal questions was far less of the fear she was feeling regarding her own troubled past.

"W-w-what?" Shelby stuttered out. Rachel could tell she had thrown the woman for a loop, but she sought out her eyes anyway begging for Shelby to go along with it.

"You said before that you have a daughter my age? That you gave her up for adoption?" Rachel watched as Shelby swallowed thickly and then nodded her head.

"Yes. Yes, I do have a daughter your age. And, yes, I did give up my rights to her when she was born." Shelby said tearing her gaze away from Rachel. Things were becoming too real. She knew it was the perfect opportunity to open up and tell Rachel the truth… she just wasn't sure she could. She was so afraid of losing her.

"Why did you give her up?" Rachel said looking back out towards the crowds. A million questions were swimming through her mind replacing the flashbacks that had been trying to take over. Did Shelby not want kids? Would that mean Shelby wouldn't want her? Maybe if Rachel could find out why Shelby had given up her own daughter, she could figure out how to make sure Shelby kept her? Yes, she needed the answers. She needed them desperately.

"I… I…" Shelby shook and then let out a deep breath. "I should probably start from the beginning." She said following Rachel's gaze out to the swarms in front of them.

_"Mom, you don't understand!" Shelby whined. She and her mother had been arguing about college for longer than she had thought they would. She had hoped her mother would eventually support her. She was so very wrong._

_Esther rolled her eyes at her youngest child. "There's nothing to understand. You need an education Shelby… not to follow some crazy childhood dream. You'll go to state school. You'll be an accountant. Your father is an accountant. Your brothers are accountants. There is nothing wrong with being an accountant."_

_"I don't wanna be an accountant! I hate math!" Shelby all but screamed at her mother._

_Shelby watched as Esther grabbed a dish towel and began drying their dishes from supper. The men of the family had retired to the living room to watch the Bears game or maybe it was the White Sox. Shelby didn't keep up with whether it was football or baseball season._

_"Mom please… This is all I've ever wanted. You know that. You have to know that." Shelby begged._

_Esther put down her dish towel and sighed without looking at Shelby. "I've already talked to your father. You'll go to state school for accounting or you won't go at all."_

"What happened?" Rachel asked sorrowfully; turning toward Shelby. The woman, though, kept staring out ahead of them.

"I left and I never looked back." Shelby chuckled wryly. "I found an ad in a Chicago paper. 9 months 'work' would give me enough money to live in New York for 2 years."

"What did you have to do? I mean what was the 'work'?" Rachel questioned.

Shelby turned her head and smiled slightly though there was only pain in her eyes. "I was a surrogate. I had a baby for a couple that couldn't."

The silence after the words seemed to permeate around them, forming a cloud and separating them from the rest of the park as if they were the only two there. In Rachel's mind her questions had ceased to exist. She was drowning now in one thought and one thought alone. Her mother had been a surrogate too. It was a little too close to home for the girl.

Shelby waited for what seemed like hours for Rachel to say something, though realistically it had only been a few minutes. The longer the silence went on, the further Shelby's fear of telling Rachel the truth rose to the foreground. If Rachel couldn't accept this? She would never accept that she was her birth mother. With that Shelby felt her heart rip into pieces. She was beginning to wish this had never ever happened when Rachel finally spoke up.

"So you just handed her over? Like a piece of property?" Rachel questioned. There was only a slight hint of disdain behind the words, but it was enough for Shelby.

"I… I didn't have a choice. Once I agreed to be a surrogate there was a contract. They made me sign it before I was even pregnant… I didn't… I didn't know what it would feel like. I didn't know how much giving her up would hurt. But by the time I did know- when I figured it out… it was too late." It was taking everything Shelby had to keep the tears in her eyes from falling. She didn't do public emotions, but of course it was something, yet again, Rachel could bring out of her. The hurt written over the girl's face… the pain Shelby herself felt from losing the girl in front of her the first time… It was all too much.

"Did you even want her? I mean if you really wanted her, wouldn't you have fought against it? At least done something? Anything?" Rachel knew her questions weren't being fair to Shelby. She was projecting her own hurt over her mother on to a woman who had become everything to her. No, Rachel felt, it wasn't fair at all, but that didn't mean she could just make it stop either.

"I…" Shelby's head sunk before she lifted it again to answer. "I started realizing my mistake the first time I felt her kick." Shelby had wanted to say you… the first time I felt you kick, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Rachel was so upset and the last thing she wanted was to lose her again. "I read over the contract so many times after that, but I couldn't see a way out. I even tried to consult a lawyer about it, but unless I had a lot of money…"

"I thought you were making enough to live two years in New York? Couldn't you use that money?" Rachel asked.

Shelby shook her head. "The money was put into an account that I wouldn't have access to until two weeks after the due date. I was broke except for what the couple gave me to live off of. It surely wouldn't have been enough to hire a lawyer. At least a good one that could help me turn everything around."

"What about your parents?" Rachel was wracking her brain for what could have made it work. If Shelby had wanted her daughter, then there was a chance that her own mother might have wanted her too. What if she could find her? What if she could have a real family? Rachel instantly felt guilty because Shelby had turned out to be the closest thing to family she'd ever had. It wasn't that she didn't want Shelby anymore it was just that… her mother was still out there somewhere and… and Shelby's daughter was out there too. What if Shelby's daughter needed her more than Rachel needed her?

"I couldn't go back home, Rachel. Not after… not after what they said. If they weren't willing to let me go to Broadway, do you really think they would've helped me keep my baby?" A single tear slid down Shelby's cheek but she quickly wiped it away. "I already knew what my mother would have said. She would have told me to let the nice people raise the baby… then she would have berated me for chasing a silly dream and telling me she knew that it would lead to something like this."

Rachel watched as Shelby's heart broke just a little more. In a way, she knew how it felt to have parents that weren't supportive so she reached her arms around Shelby and hugged her. "I'm sorry." Rachel whispered.

Shelby clung to Rachel. "Honey, it's not your fault. There are so many factor's in all of this, but it's definitely not your fault."

"Have you seen her since the adoption?" Rachel asked still holding on to the hug. She didn't know where it all came from, but she didn't want to lose Shelby so she held on that much longer.

"Yes." Shelby answered. "She's beautiful. More than I could have ever dreamed of."

"Have you contacted her? Did you talk to her? What's she like?" Rachel finally pulled away as the questions came out on their own accord.

"I wasn't supposed to contact her until she was 18, but yes I have. And she's… she's more amazing than I'll ever be. She's… she's perfect." Shelby answered becoming lost in her own thoughts.

"Did she know who you were? I mean when you contacted her? Did she know or…?" Rachel didn't know why she asking all of this anymore. It hurt, but she couldn't stop herself if she tried.

Shelby looked fondly toward Rachel, silently begging her to figure all of this out because at this point Shelby was unsure if she could just come out and say it. "No, she doesn't know. I didn't tell her."

"Why? Was it because of the contract?" Rachel knew it was none of her business, but what if her own mother had contacted her at some point. She may have met her mother and didn't even know it!

"No… it wasn't the contract." Shelby hung her head. "It's because I'm a coward."

No more was said as the two ruminated over the words. Rachel was caught up in the word coward and how she would never use it to describe Shelby. She wanted to understand the fear behind it. She figured it must have something to do with a fear of rejection- something she understood herself all to well.

Shelby on the other hand was beating herself up inside. All she had to do was say it. It should be so easy to tell Rachel the truth, but yet here she was unable to do so. Why couldn't she just tell Rachel everything?

The two walked back to the studio in silence. They entered the building and then took the stairs up to the apartment. Lunch was had in almost silence. It was like the two didn't know what to say to each other anymore. When they finished eating Rachel retreated to her room claiming she needed to do some school work. Shelby just nodded and watched the girl leave. She was at a loss of what to do next.

Rachel entered her room and closed her door. Her school work had been finished yesterday. Sure she could get a jump start on next week, but the real reason she needed to be alone was to figure this all out. Her's and Shelby's situation was so similar. What if her mother was out there right now talking to Shelby's daughter? God, the odds must be next to nothing, but what if? Rachel's eyes widened at the possibility. She ran a shaky hand as the next thought popped into her brain… what if Shelby Corcoran was her mother?


	23. Chapter Twenty-Two

**A/N: Here's Part II of the big reveal. Thanks again for favoriting, following, reviewing, and reading! Y'all are amazing!**

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

_"I Know What No One Else Knows"_

The rest of Rachel's day had been restless which only worsened through the night. Shelby being her mother was just too good to be true, Rachel kept thinking, and since when did good things happen to Rachel Barbra Berry? A part of Rachel, one that sound a lot like Shelby, started to list off all the good things that had happened to her this year. Still Rachel had a hard time believing it.

She sat at her office desk downstairs, the work day having already begun, and pulled out a notebook. If she couldn't work this out in her head maybe she could work this out on paper. She quickly put her freshly sharpened number two pencil to paper and began to write.

_1. Shelby was a surrogate — My mother was a surrogate._

_2. Shelby had a daughter who is the same age as me._

_3. Shelby never said if the couple she gave her daughter to was gay or not._

_4. Shelby knows who her daughter is and has spoken to her, but her daughter does not know that she is her mother — Shelby found me seemingly out of nowhere and has never stated she is my mother._

_5. Shelby and I share many of the same features and attributes. _

Rachel looked over the paper many times before drawing a line and continuing. This time writing down things that caused suspicions of Rachel's to rise concerning her and Shelby's arrangement. Things she had been trying to ignore before.

_1. How did Shelby enroll me in an online school program when she is neither parent nor guardian?_

_2. Why was Shelby so persistent in the beginning for me to accept her offer?_

_3. Why would she want to do all of this for me when she could be having a relationship with her own daughter?_

_4. Shelby always seems comfortable with using pet names such as Sweetheart or Honey around me, but I have never heard her once use such terms of endearment with any of her students._

_5. Shelby is very mothering. Is it because she's my mother?_

All the signs were pointing to one conclusion. Still, Rachel had her doubts. She knew Shelby was afraid of telling her daughter who she was. She also knew that fear was the fear of rejection, of loss, but Shelby knew Rachel. "She knows how I am… why wouldn't she trust me with this?" Rachel whispered.

"You know talking to yourself is one of the many signs of insanity." Cassie said looking over Rachel's shoulder causing the girl to jump. "Of course, you aren't answering yourself yet so maybe you've still got a chance, Schwimmer."

Cassie's jovial tone made Rachel smile. She knew that the nickname held no malice now and was said more out of care. "Ha, ha. Very funny." Rachel said sticking out her tongue at the woman who was now sitting on the corner of Rachel's desk nursing a freshly brewed cup of coffee. "You're a downright comedian these days."

Cassie's eyes sparkled. "You know the fact that my dry humor has already rubbed off on you is a beautiful thing, kid. I might just make you my protege. Well, if Shelby doesn't beat me to the punch."

Rachel frowned at the mention of Shelby. She discretely closed her notebook hoping Cassie hadn't seen her lists. Unbeknownst to her, though, Cassie had seen and read over the list twice already.

"Whatcha doing?" Cassie nodded toward the notebook hoping to bring up a certain conversation. Rachel was so close to figuring everything out and since Shelby wasn't saying anything, Cassie felt maybe the girl needed a push in the right direction.

"N-nothing." Rachel stuttered as she organized her desk. The last thing she needed was for Cassie to see her notes and then go back to Shelby… especially if Shelby wasn't her mother.

Cassie hummed and then sat down her mug thinking this might be her only chance without having to come right out and say what should have already been said by Shelby. "You know, Shelby pretty much gave up a 15 year friendship for you."

Rachel furrowed her brows at the statement. Why was Cassie bringing this up now? "I told her not to get involved." Rachel answered feeling she needed to defend herself.

Cassie rolled her eyes. "Of course she was going to get involved. She CARES about you. She's practically rearranged her whole life for you."

Rachel looked away from Cassie a bit confused. Shelby was doing so much for her. Why would she do all of this? She certainly didn't ask her too.

Cassie sighed. "Just think about it ok? What would make Shelby want to throw her oldest and only friendship away? What would make you so special that she didn't even think twice about it?"

Rachel up looked at Cassie riddled with even more questions. Was Cassie suggesting what she thought she was suggesting? Did Cassie have her answers?

Rachel didn't have to voice her concerns for Cassie to know they were present. She liked to think she knew the girl better than Rachel thought. "It's there, Rachel. You know the answer. Use that brain I know you have and figure it out." She said before taking a swig of her coffee and then leaving the front office.

Rachel stared out where Cassie once was as she processed everything the woman had just said. Quickly, she opened her notebook one last time. Turning to a new page, Rachel began writing again.

_Mothers are fiercely protective and watch over their children — Shelby gave up her oldest and closest friend because she was bullying me… Shelby has told off parents who tried to push me around._

_Mothers care for and nurture their children — Shelby has given me a home… Made sure I was healthy… She wakes up when I have my nightmares and comforts me until I can sleep again… She wants to help me be around kids my own age…_

_Mothers exhibit responsibility for their children — Shelby got me back into school… She won't let me pay her for anything._

_Mother's assert themselves as a person of authority over their children — Shelby set up rules that I need to follow while living with her… She steers me in the direction she thinks I need to go albeit motherly._

Rachel shook her head and then looked at the adjacent blank page. Without really thinking her pencil began to write what her heart was afraid to admit. She looked down at the notebook as tears formed in her eyes.

_Shelby was a surrogate to a couple in which she had a daughter who is now your age._

_Shelby opened her arms and home to you virtually saving you from a life of loneliness._

_She has and would give you anything you want or need. She'd give up her world for you and you know it._

_Shelby Corcoran has to be your mother._

_But why can't she tell me that?_

* * *

Shelby plopped down at her desk chair already emotionally exhausted. It was supposed to be their lunch break, but Rachel was nowhere to be found. Shelby couldn't help but think that maybe it was best at this point. She couldn't say what she needed to say to the girl and it just seemed to add to the rising tension between them. That and Rachel had yet to say a word to her about their conversation yesterday. What the hell was she going to do about this?

Just as she had decided to get up and throw caution to the wind to go find Rachel, Cassie came in and sat down across from her. She handed Shelby a styrofoam box and cup. "Rachel got us lunch."

Shelby's head popped up at the mention of her daughter. "Will she be joining us?" She asked hopefully. Okay, so maybe she didn't think it was best that Rachel wasn't around.

"Actually I gave her the afternoon off. Roxie's dragging Rachel to her mom's workshop this afternoon." Cassie answered nonchalantly.

"Oh." Shelby replied. Rachel hadn't even told her she was going out. This couldn't be good.

"You alright? I mean I figured you wouldn't have a problem with it so I told her to go on and that I'd tell you. You don't have a problem with it do you?" Cassie questioned worried she may be overstepping her boundaries.

"No, you're right it's fine." Shelby answered unconvincingly. "It's a good thing. I mean leaving here to go hang out with Roxie. Rachel needs that." And Shelby knew that Rachel did need that, it was just… she needed to come clean with her daughter and she was afraid that if she didn't do it soon that she wouldn't ever do it. Enough was enough and she needed to step up to the plate for real this time. Shelby put those thoughts away, though, seeing as it wasn't going to happen this afternoon. Maybe later this evening they could finally talk.

Awkwardness spread through the room as the two one time friends ate in silence until Shelby finally spoke up. "Why didn't you tell me what you were doing with the whole bullying thing? I mean I'm glad it worked out the way it did, San, but it was a little extreme."

Cassie chuckled lightly. "It wouldn't have worked if you knew, Riz." The old nicknames came back like second nature. "You wouldn't have acted so passionately about protecting her if you knew the plan. Rachel… She needed it to be real. That was the only way it was going to work."

Shelby nodded accepting the answer though still not whole heartedly agreeing with the method. "Thank you for helping her." She said sincerely.

"It's what 'aunts' do right? They help their 'sisters' look out for their kids. You're the closest thing to a sister I've had since…" Cassie didn't have to finish her explanation as Shelby was already up and out of her seat hugging her friend. The hug didn't last long. It didn't really need to. "God, your daughter has turned us into a bunch of saps. My reputation will be ruined."

Shelby laughed along with Cassie as she went back to sit across from her friend. "Wait. You still had one of those?" Shelby then deadpanned.

"Bitch." Cassie narrowed her eyes playfully. "Seriously though, when do you plan on telling her you're her mother?"

Shelby took a long sip of her water and sighed. " I tried yesterday, but it didn't happen. I swear I get so close and then I just… I don't want her to hate me, Sandy. I'm scared she'll run. All these fears pop into my head and I…"

"God, you two are so alike it's not even funny." Cassie said trying to make another joke. It only caused Shelby to sigh again.

"I know I need to tell her though and it has to be soon. The Berry's are constantly breathing down my back and threatening to come up here. I'm surprised they haven't just shown up yet, honestly." Shelby confessed.

"I'm not." Cassie said bluntly. "From what you told me about them? Seriously, Shell. They've abandoned their daughter so many times. They want Rachel without the responsibility of raising Rachel. You're doing the right thing by keeping her away from them, but you're right in the fact that you do need to tell her the truth."

Shelby buried her face in her hands. "What am I supposed to do? Just casually bring it up over dinner? Oh yeah Rachel, and by the way, I'm your mother."

"So it's true?" Came Rachel's voice from the open doorway causing Shelby and Cassie to jerk their heads her way.

"R-R-Rachel." Shelby stuttered. "I thought you were with Roxie at her mom's workshop."

"That isn't until four. I've been working through some stuff in the gym." Rachel replied. "Don't change the subject though… is it true, Shelby? Are you my mother?"

"Y-yes." Shelby answered quietly. "It's true. I'm your mother." Finally saying the words to the girl she had been yet unable to say.

Rachel shook her head back and forth trying to process the information. "Why didn't you trust me enough tell me?" She asked fighting her rising emotions.

"Baby, it's not like that… it has nothing to do with trust." Shelby tried to explain. She moved from behind her desk closer to Rachel.

"Stop." Rachel said throwing up a hand. Processing this now was almost impossible. She had so many other things she needed to worry about and now this? "I can't do this." Rachel said brokenly.

"Rachel?" Shelby asked matching her tone. All of her fears rose to the surface. She was now face to face with them.

"I promised Roxie I would go with her to today. I need to shower and get ready. She wants me to come by her house first and meet her siblings. I can't do this right now. I can't fall apart. She's my first friend and I just can't." Rachel said as she began to cry her arms wrapping around herself.

Instinctively, Shelby finished crossing the room and pulled Rachel into a hug. The girl didn't fight it, but she didn't uncross her arms either. Shelby didn't know what to make of that, but all that mattered was that Rachel was getting some comfort. "We don't have to talk about it now okay? We'll… we'll talk about it when you get back." Rachel nodded as Shelby pulled away. "I know this is really confusing right now, but…"

Shelby didn't get to finish as Rachel interrupted her. "I have to go." The girl said barely audible before turning around and running up the stairs.

Shelby pivoted back towards Cassie who was still sitting in the chair across from the desk. "You said she left with Roxie." She said tears spilling out of her eyes.

"Actually I just said that she was going with Roxie this afternoon." Cassie stated sympathetically. She stood up from her chair awkwardly not knowing whether to hug Shelby or just give her some space.

"So you knew Rachel was still in the building then?" Shelby's question didn't need to be answered. The guilty look on Cassie's face said it all.

"You and I both know you were too afraid to tell her. And Rachel… she already figured it out. She was just in denial over it. Somebody had to do something." Cassie tried to explain.

"I think you should go." Shelby whimpered while sitting back in the chair behind her desk. Her head collapsed into her hand as she braced her elbow on the tabletop.

Cassie nodded though Shelby didn't see her. The only sign that she had left the room was the light clicking of the door. Shelby focused on her breathing and refused to break down completely. It wasn't until she saw Rachel rush by her office an hour later that she finally cancelled her classes and left to go upstairs. There she sat in her quiet apartment and prayed that her daughter was actually going to come back to talk to her.


	24. Chapter Twenty-Three

**A/N: Another chapter! What?! Lol hopefully this makes up for my recent absence. Thank you guys so much for reading, reviewing, favoriting and following. I am always blown away by your responses!**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

_"Somehow I Just Don't Believe It"_

Rachel ended up canceling with Roxie. After everything she had found out, she just couldn't go. She sat in the lobby for a whole hour before she realized she wasn't sitting alone.

"Cassie? When did you… How long have you been here?" Rachel asked.

"About 15 minutes." Cassie shrugged. "I didn't want you to be alone for too long."

Rachel smiled at the words. It was funny how the woman who she once thought was a tormentor was becoming one of her biggest allies. "I don't know if it's because I'm not working or what, but it seems slow today." Rachel stated looking at the virtually empty front desk area.

Cassie hummed in response. "Shelby's students would usually be coming in about now, but she cancelled her classes. That and I sent all of my students out on an assignment."

Rachel nodded while registering what Cassie said. "She cancelled her classes? Why?"

Cassie gave Rachel a pointed look telling her she should know why though she provided an answer anyway. "Honestly? She's afraid you're gonna run. That you won't give her a chance to, at the very least, explain things."

"Obviously, I'm not running." Rachel said with a roll of her eyes. She protectively crossed her arms around herself needing to find some sort of strength. Running had crossed her mind several times. She just couldn't seem to go through with it.

"No. You're sitting perfectly still aren't you? Running neither here nor there." Cassie stated. "Though you are supposed to be on your way somewhere else."

Rachel shrugged. "I couldn't go. I'd just be distracted anyways, and when you see a Broadway star, you kind of want to have all your attention on them."

"Says you distractedly to someone who was once considered a Broadway star." Cassie sighed playfully drawing a laugh from the girl beside her. At least all is not lost, Cassie thought.

"You know what I meant. I do give you my attention in class at least." Rachel giggled.

"When you aren't butting heads with me or trying to correct me." Cassie dead panned. "Seriously, it's only been a week and you already seem to think you know more than me."

Rachel laughed even harder. "On certain things maybe." Cassie gave her a gentle shove.

Cassie let the laughter subside before speaking up again. "I know you might think she's indestructible, but she isn't." She gestured to the stairs at her change of subject. "Go talk to her. You know you want to." Getting up, she went back to her office. She knew she had done all that she could do. The rest was up to Rachel and Shelby.

Rachel sat there on the bench for a little longer before taking a deep breath and letting it out. She got up from her seat and trudged up the steps to the apartment. Somehow joking around, even just a little, with Cassie made going to talk with Shelby easier. She didn't feel so over emotional anymore and though she wasn't 100 percent ready for the talk they needed to have, she knew they needed to have it. There was really no point in putting it off any longer, right?

Standing at the door, Rachel took another deep breath before twisting the knob and walking through. Shelby was sitting at the kitchen table. Her head jerking towards the door upon Rachel's entry.

"I thought… Did the workshop get cancelled?" Shelby asked. She didn't expect to see Rachel for hours.

"No." Rachel answered as she awkwardly walked toward the kitchen. "I just decided not to go."

"Oh baby," Shelby cooed. "You didn't have to do that. I know Roxie is like your first real friend and that this was important to you."

"But she isn't my first real friend," Rachel shrugged. "You are. A-and this is where I should be right now."

Shelby smiled gently standing up to hug her daughter, but Rachel quickly sat down at the bar feeling they should really talk first. The two sat there; Shelby at the table and Rachel at the bar. Shelby, all the while, looking at Rachel and Rachel with her back to Shelby staring at her hands.

"I'm your daughter." Rachel said not really to Shelby and yet to Shelby all the same. She was comfortable with the silence, but uncomfortable as well. Everything was so confusing.

"You're my daughter." Shelby stated back. She had long ago reigned in her tears, but, still, her voice cracked with emotion.

"Did you ever regret it?" Rachel suddenly asked her mother. God, she couldn't believe this… all this time Shelby Corcoran was her mother.

"Yes," Shelby answered. "Then no. Then so much."

Rachel sat unmoving save for her hands which she was unsure what to do with. "How did you find me?" She finally asked. She had felt she had covered her tracks so well, yet here was a woman who gave her up at birth and still was able to find her.

Shelby looked away for a moment before deciding to give the abbreviated version of the story. "I tracked down your family a while back and had been trying to keep up with you. I wanted to be able to contact you when you turned 18. It'd be easier if I already knew where you were, you know?" She began. "I started teaching at Carmel in Akron right around the time you moved to Lima. I didn't want to get too close, but couldn't seem to keep myself any further away. I guess it was just pure luck when I was scouting out competition at the different sectionals and there you were." Shelby smiled. "I saw you sing. You were extraordinary. You were me." Seeing Rachel perform that day had been so amazing. Shelby could close her eyes and see if she wanted to. The memory was that much ingrained in her.

"Before then, I felt like I could just be okay with knowing where you were, but seeing that… seeing that made me want so much more. I came up with this elaborate plan to get you to find me using one of my students, but then I found out you were gone…" Shelby took a deep breath before continuing. "I ended up going to Lima myself. I was afraid you had moved again only to learn you had run away. God, I've never been so scared, you know? When I found out you were most likely in New York… I knew I had to find you. I searched for months with no leads, but I couldn't give up. Then one day… there you were. It happened by chance more than anything else really."

Rachel sat in silence as she processed it all. Shelby had done so much just to find her and yet in the beginning she gave her up so easily. This conversation was harder than she originally thought. She had so many questions, yet she didn't know what to really ask. She thought about asking why she didn't tell Rachel straight away that she was her mother, but then she really already knew the answer to that was fear. Fear was something Rachel understood all too well.

"Was it hard for you to not become a star? To not have your dreams come true?" Rachel settled on. What she really wanted to ask was if Shelby could change things would she stick around? Would she try to find a way to be her mom instead of chasing her dream? Rachel wasn't sure if either question was really fair at this point.

"It felt like the a broken promise. Like the Fisher King's wound- never heals." Shelby answered.

Rachel found herself relating to the response. It's how she would feel if she didn't make it on Broadway. They were alike in so many ways- so very many ways. "Wow, genetics really are amazing. You see the world with the same fierce theatricality as I do." She almost laughed at the realization- almost. "Even the way we're sitting right now is so dramatic and yet we feel so comfortable with it."

"I've missed so much." Shelby said regret flowing through her veins. There was so much she could have done differently, but didn't. "How do you feel?" She asked needing to know.

"Thirsty." Rachel said honestly. "When I was little and I used to get sad, my dads would bring me a glass of water. It got so I couldn't tell if I was sad or just thirsty."

It was the first time Rachel had ever mentioned her fathers. Yet, Shelby didn't know what to make of the statement. So instead she kept quiet waiting to see if Rachel would continue.

"It's kind of ironic." Rachel went on. "Whenever I have a nightmare… water is one of the first things you bring me."

Shelby gave a small smile that Rachel turned just in time to see. "It's because I don't want you to get dehydrated." Shelby replied.

Rachel offered a half smile back. "The difference is you hold me after. My dads stopped holding me at six." Her emotions were flaring up but Rachel refused to cry over the two men who were supposed to be her parents. She looked down at her hands trying to hold back her tears. She had needed them to hold her so many times. Why wouldn't they? Why didn't they love her enough to hold her?

Shelby vacated her seat and moved to squat in front of Rachel gaining her attention. "I really want this to work, Rachel. And I think we can make it work, but the last thing I want is for anything to be confusing for you."

"I just don't understand. You're my mom. I feel awful right now, and I should want to just fall into your arms and let you rock me and tell me everything is going to be fine, but… I just don't feel it." Rachel said as tears brimmed her eyes again. She couldn't fall into Shelby's arms… why? Was it because her dads wouldn't hold her? She had let Shelby hold her so many times before. What made this time different?

Shelby sniffled trying to hold her own tears back as well. "It's because I'm your mother, but I'm not your mom." She stood back up holding her arms around herself defensively much like Rachel would often do.

Rachel looked the broken woman before her in the eyes before looking away. The statement had confused her further. Rachel felt that Shelby already was her mom, but Shelby seemed to think differently. Was Shelby second guessing everything? Suddenly, Rachel was unsure of what Shelby wanted out of their relationship. "So what do we do? Do we just continue on as friends? Do I leave now and pretend we don't know each other?" The last part hurt Rachel to say. She didn't know if she could handle Shelby's rejection on top of everything.

"No!" Shelby rushed out unfolding her arms and putting them in front of Rachel as if to stop her from running off. "God, no, baby. I've been grateful for you from afar for so long… I think, I think we can build from what we have now, you know? That we can become whatever it is you want us to become."

Rachel felt relieved that Shelby seemed to still want her, but Shelby's answer was so vague. Shelby was leaving the ball in her court, but what did Shelby want? Rachel had so many more questions and she didn't know who could answer them at this point.

"You don't have to decide everything tonight." Shelby said with a gulp. Rachel's hesitation was weighing heavily on her mind. What if she didn't want Shelby as a mom? Shelby's fears made their way to the surface yet again.

Rachel nodded. "Is it okay if I just go to my room?" She needed to figure things out, but there was no way she could think about all of this with Shelby in the room.

"Of course," Came Shelby's answer. Rachel immediately turned around headed toward her room. There was no other words. No hug. No anything. It was like Rachel couldn't wait to get away from Shelby or so the woman thought.

She hung her head and made her way to her own room feeling like a complete failure. "Should I have done this?" Shelby quietly cried into her empty room. "This was supposed to feel good. When Rachel finally knew the truth. W-We were supposed to have some kind of slow-motion run into each other's arms where everything would be okay." Shelby wasn't delusional enough to think things would be perfect, but she had thought… She didn't know what she thought anymore. "I don't even know if she accepts any of this. This is all wrong. God, I can't lose my baby again."

The last part was all but whispered as Shelby's worst fear came crashing around her. Losing Broadway was nothing compared to the hurt she was feeling at the possibility of losing Rachel. She wondered how long it would be before she could talk to her again. She needed to find a way to make everything right. She couldn't lose her baby- she just couldn't.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Four

**A/N: Big thanks to all of you who are still reading this story!**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

_"With A Ticket For A Runaway Train"_

Rachel knew what she was doing was wrong. She knew Shelby would most likely freak out. She hoped with everything she had that the woman would understand. She couldn't think as long as Shelby was around. She needed a 'time out' of sorts to think all of this new information through. So it was with a heavy heart that she woke up before daylight the next morning and began to write a note to Shelby explaining what she needed.

_Dear Shelby,_

_Please don't be mad. I promise this isn't me running away. I just need some time to think. I can't do that here. I'll have my cell with me, but I need you to not to start calling me. I know it's a lot to ask. I know what I'm doing isn't fair to you, and for that I am truly sorry. I don't know when I'll be home, but it'll be sometime today. I also plan on texting you throughout the day so you know I'm okay. Please understand._

_-Rachel Barbra Berry*_

She had written and then rewritten the note four times. She still wasn't satisfied with it, but she needed to get out of the house and soon. Leaving the note on the kitchen counter, Rachel left Shelby's apartment and the place she had come to call home.

Rachel knew exactly where she was going, but wasn't in any kind of hurry. She walked with her coat pulled tight to protect her from the cool mid November air. She could hardly believe she'd been living in New York for almost a year. Her birthday was just over a month away. Last year she had celebrated it alone… this year she'd have Shelby, her mother, or at least so she hoped.

Rachel shook her head. It was still a crazy concept to grasp. Shelby was her mother, but was Shelby really her mom? She had thought so. Before she knew who Shelby really was- She had considered asking Shelby to be her mom even if she wasn't her birth mother, but now she was so confused. Apparently Shelby didn't seem to think she was Rachel's mom. Did she even want to be? Rachel bit her lip thinking of all these things and more. She slid her metro pass and boarded the train to the only other place that had really felt like home- Brooklyn.

The train ride wasn't as long as she remembered. Neither was the walk to the little diner she had come to love, but maybe it was because her mind was pre-occupied with other things? Maybe it was because she had slowly gotten used to living in such a big city?

Rachel walked into the diner smiling as the bell on the door rang notifying it's employees a customer was here. That bell used to drive her crazy, yet here she was finding joy in something so simple. One thing was for certain- she had certainly changed since the last time she was here.

"Well, well, well, Jackie, look what the cat's gone and drug in." Al said throwing a dish towel over his shoulder. The woman in question looked up from the cash register with a large smile.

"Rachel!" The woman yelled out vacating her spot and running out towards the younger girl. "It's so good to see you, girl! You don't come around her enough."

Rachel opened her arms to accept a hug from Jackie and her smile widened even more. "I know. I'm sorry." Rachel and Shelby had made a habit of visiting the diner at least once a week after Rachel had moved to Manhattan, but lately they had been a little too busy.

"Personally, I thought you were finally done with us." Al said was a smirk in which he was trying to hide. "Little Miss Big City doesn't remember where she got her start."

"Oh Al," Rachel said running to hug the man. Not surprisingly Al opened his arms, picking her up and spinning her around. "You know I could never forget my favorite diner." The girl said with a laugh.

Al put her down chuckling himself. He was happy to see the girl before him. Despite his hesitancy with her at first, she had made a place for herself in his heart. "What brings ya to these parts in the middle of the week, Little Bit?"

Rachel bit her lip and climbed up on one of the many empty seats at the bar as Al and Jackie both went behind it. "Well," Rachel began. "I…" What should she tell the two?

"So you know Shelby's your mother then?" Al answered for her. Rachel looked up at the man before her in surprise.

"You knew?" She asked. Did he really know before her?

Al nodded his head yes. "You really think I was gonna let some random woman come in here and take away my favorite waitress?" Al chuckled lightly. The statement warmed Rachel's heart at how much Al really seemed to care.

"Hey!" Jackie yelled. "I'm standing right here you big oaf!"

"And? I'm supposed to fawn all over ya feet or something?" Al asked. "I don't think so."

Rachel laughed at the two. She missed this to an extent. She didn't really miss being a waitress… she just missed- them.

"Seriously kid," Al continued. "We missed you around her. I'm gonna have to insist that you come back more often."

"Will do." Rachel answered. "So you still have the Vegan Special here?"

"Sure do!" Al said proudly. "I'll go fix it up for ya. And I better not catch you trying to pay for it later either."

Rachel smiled up at him as Jackie poured her a cup of coffee. "We really did miss you, Rach." She winked as the bell on the door dinged again. Jackie's head turned towards it and rolled her eyes. "Ugh, new girl."

Rachel chuckled as she turned to see the slightly frazzled girl. "I'm so sorry I'm late." The girl apologized as she shrugged off her coat.

"Don't tell me bout it. Save it for the boss man." Jackie said as the girl snuck by her into the back.

"That's a different one since the last time I was here." Rachel said after the girl was gone. "What happened to…?"

"Dani?" Jackie finished for her. "Didn't last. In fact we haven't had one that lasted more than two weeks since you left us."

"Really? I honestly thought I was a horrible waitress." Rachel commented.

"Didn't matter. You had the work ethic of a horse. Hard to beat that in any business." Jackie said. "Besides you got better after the first week." Rachel smiled at the older woman as the bell dinged again this time bringing in a few construction workers. "Best get to working." Jackie said with a wink grabbing a pot of coffee and heading out from behind the counter to greet the customers.

Al ended up bringing out Rachel's food personally and the girl quickly ate it up. She couldn't believe she feel asleep without eating anything last night. Well, she guessed she could believe it. Yesterday was crazy.

By the time Rachel had finished, she decided to take her dishes back into the kitchen on her own. Jackie and the new girl had gotten busy and Rachel had been left to fend for herself. Al smiled when he saw the young girl come through the doors. "You know technically you shouldn't be back here."

"You throwing me out?" Rachel smirked as she rolled up her sleeves and began to wash her own dishes. "Since I'm not allowed to pay for my meal I might as well clean up after myself." She remarked.

Al shook his head. "You were always a firecracker, kid." He paused before becoming serious. "So I take it that since you know Shelby is your mom, you didn't take it too well? Otherwise she'd probably be here with you? Am I right?" He asked.

Rachel's face fell. The lightness of the visit hadn't lasted long, but this is what she came here for didn't she? There were a handful of people she trusted outside of Manhattan and Al was one of them. "I'm just so confused." She admitted. "I mean I should be ecstatic that Shelby is my mom, but no matter how much I want to be- I just can't."

Al nodded, but stayed quiet as he contemplated his next words. "Did you think of her as a mother figure before?" He asked. Rachel nodded. "But now that you know she is your mother, you can't seem to believe it?" Rachel nodded again. "Well… it seems to me like you wanted Shelby to be your mom in the beginning, but thought it was too good to actually happen. Now that you know it's true, your mind is being cautious because you are just waiting for the bombs to explode."

Rachel's brows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?" She asked.

"I mean- you've been through a lot kid. You had a crappy start and well now that you got a good thing going- you're waiting for it to end. Unfortunately, you've been conditioned to believe you don't deserve complete happiness." The man explained.

Rachel's eyes widened with understanding. "So is this me trying to sabotage myself?" She questioned.

"Not exactly." He answered. "I think this is more of a you're scared of getting hurt thing."

Rachel fought back the mist forming in her eyes. Al was right. She was terrified of losing what she had. It wasn't easy to leave Ohio last year, but it was doable- she didn't have much to really lose from it. But with Shelby? She had everything to lose. It was a scary thing to accept something that had the power to completely destroy you. Of course Rachel didn't believe that Shelby would destroy her… she was more afraid of someone else trying to take it all away from her. There was always someone lurking around trying to steal her joy.

"Thanks, Al. I didn't think about any of that before." Rachel said with a sniffle. She walked up to the man and hugged him.

Al immediately hugged her back. "No problem, kid." Pausing he pulled away just enough to look her in the eye sternly. "You can't be afraid of happiness. It's a very depressing road to hoe." Rachel nodded as he pulled her back in for another hug. They stood their like that before Rachel pulled away. "You gonna be okay?" He asked her.

Rachel just nodded again before saying her goodbyes so she could continue her journey. She fired off a promised text to Shelby as she walked the few blocks to her next destination. The return text came through almost instantaneously. Ten words. Ten words that brought a smile to her face. Ten words that lifted her spirits just a little bit more. Ten words that held so many promises. Maybe she was closer to figuring things out than she thought.

_I love you baby. Be safe and come home soon._

Rachel turned the corner and smiled at the shop just ahead of her. _Moretti's Electronics_ was one of her biggest safe haven's outside of Shelby's apartment. No, that wasn't really correct. The Moretti's themselves were her safe haven besides Shelby herself. A beaming smile appeared on her face at the thought.

Rachel's smile widened even further upon entering the shop and hearing Sheila's voice. "Be right with ya!" The woman called from the back.

"That's okay, Mrs. Moretti. I'm not here on business!" Rachel answered. Not a minute passed before the older couple came running out from the back.

"Ah!" The elderly woman squealed as both she and Marty captured Rachel up in a hug. "Oh, goodness! I missed ya smilin' face so much."

"I missed you guys too!" Rachel said through a smile and a sniffle. The Moretti's had become more like surrogate grandparents rather than friends.

Marty closed up the shop immediately as Sheila led Rachel upstairs to their apartment. All the while, asking Rachel questions on how things were at the studio. Rachel and Marty sat down at the Moretti's kitchen table as Sheila went to put on some tea.

Marty chuckled as Sheila hurried around their home excitedly. They had missed Rachel so much. It had been at least two weeks since she had come by. "How you been, kid?"

"I've been good for the most part." Rachel answered causing Sheila to turn around with a raised eyebrow. Rachel almost laughed at the meddling woman's reaction. "It's been an interesting week so far. That's for sure." She continued.

"Yeah?" Sheila asked. "Interesting how?"

Marty gave Sheila a look that said it might be none of their business which caused Rachel's heart to swell. Each had a different way of showing it, but both people truly cared for her. Then something suddenly crossed her mind. If Al knew who Shelby was, did the Moretti's know about her mother as well? Rachel cleared her throat and decided to take a gamble. "So how long have you two known that Shelby was my mother?" She asked.

Sheila looked at Rachel aghast while Marty ducked his head in shame. Clearly they both knew. It was Marty who answered though. "Sheila figured it out before you moved. Though Shelby confirmed it that day as well."

Rachel nodded as her face fell slightly. "It seems like everyone knew before me." Sheila slid in to the seat next to her and place her hand over hers.

"Don't be mad at us, honey." The woman's voice was uncharacteristically soft as she gave Rachel's hand a gentle squeeze. This side of Sheila was something Rachel wasn't used to, though it wasn't a bad thing either she found.

"I'm not mad." Rachel shrugged. "I just- I don't know what I am anymore." She confessed. The Moretti's stayed silent as Rachel chose to explain. "I've been a little confused since I found out yesterday. Al says it's because I think I don't deserve happiness. Which is probably true after everything that's happened, but there's more. I just know it, you know?"

Marty and Sheila both nodded. "Is it because ya don't want Shelby to be yer mother?" Sheila pried.

"God no." Rachel answered shaking her head. "I think- I think another part of it is because I don't know if she wants to be my mother."

"Well if that isn't the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." Sheila said. "Rachel, honey, that woman loves ya more than life itself. It was evident from the moment I met her."

"Really?" Rachel asked not sure whether to believe Sheila or not. She wanted to believe her, though.

Marty chuckled. "Shelby's the real deal Rachel. Look at all she went through just get you to live with her."

"Trust us, hon." Sheila joined in. "She wants to be your mother."

"But you don't think it's just because of some obligation to me or something?" Rachel asked the question she had been unable to ask her mother. Maybe she should have stuck around a little longer and given Shelby more of a chance.

"Rach, from my understand she really had no obligation to do what she's done. She gave up her rights to you- by that very definition she isn't responsible for you. Yet, it was she that moved heaven and earth to get to you." Marty said gently.

It hit her so suddenly that Rachel would have never seen it coming. "I have to go home." She said vacating her seat. "I'm sorry. I just have to go." It was as clear as day now. Shelby came after her- something she didn't have to do by any means. Why couldn't Rachel see that before? Of course Shelby wanted her.

Rachel practically ran to the subway. She had to get back now, but the wait on the ride home was seemingly much longer than before. "Come on, come on." She chanted as the doors of the train opened.

Finally exiting the subway station into Manhattan, Rachel ran the next couple of blocks until she reached the studio entrance. Throwing open the doors, she ran down the hall to Shelby's office ignoring the puzzled looks from the students. She entered said office without knocking.

Shelby looked up from her desk in surprise. "Rachel, honey, I didn't expect you back so soon." She said at the girl before her. When she noticed Rachel's tears she got up from her chair and moved to wrap the girl in a hug, but hesitated wondering if it would be welcome or not.

"Don't do that!" Rachel yelled through her tears. She wasn't sure when they had began she just knew that she was feeling more emotion than she had ever felt. "Don't second guess yourself like that. It's what got me in this mess to begin with. If you want to hug me then hug me, damn it. If you want to be my mom. Then be my mom. I can't stand all this back and forth!"

Shelby immediately crossed the room and enveloped Rachel into strong hug. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know what you wanted from me and…"

"You're the mom." Rachel interrupted. "You get to make the decisions. If you leave it up to me then I won't think you really want this." Rachel shook harder as Shelby squeezed tighter. "You're my mom. You're MY mom. You're not just my mother."

The confession rang through Shelby's ears over and over causing her own tears to spring forth. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She repeated.

Rachel held on tighter at the words. Fear coursing through her veins. "You want to be my mom right? You want this?"

"Oh baby, of course I want this." Shelby didn't hesitate to answer. "I'm so sorry I ever made you feel other wise."

Rachel nodded. "I need you so much." She whispered into Shelby's neck.

"I need you too, Rachel. You're my life. Nothing else matters without you." Shelby said back. "I hope, more than anything that you know that."

"Keep showing me." Rachel said quietly tears subsiding. "I'll learn."

Shelby chuckled pulling away to see Rachel's face. She cupped the girls cheeks in her hands and looked her in the eye. "I promise."

With that Rachel broke away only to throw her arms around Shelby again in a hug even tighter than before. She had a mom. A real mom. Shelby Corcoran was her mother. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you."


End file.
